Apologies
Some people find it hard to apologize. Others, like me, apologize for the wrong things or try to justify their wrongs.
Typically such an apology would take the form of: “I’m sorry about it, but…
That’s not an apology. It is an effort to justify bad behavior. An apology should demonstrate a true and unconditional regret and should be offered the moment that you realize that you have wronged somebody.
Methinks people mainly apologize for three reasons.
1. They are truly sorry.
2. They are pressured by other people to do so.
3. They realize that they are about to lose some benefit.
Although the first instance is in rather short supply, it is the only acceptable apology. If you apologize for any other reason, you’re not sorry at all.
The other day, at a wine tasting event, I watched an acquaintance making a complete fool and annoyance of himself. At some stage I lost my cool and told him to stop being an a**hole. That was like pouring fuel on a fire. I realized my error and immediately said: “I’m sorry; I should no have said that”. He added another abuse, but my ‘apology’ pacified him somewhat.
The fact is that I did not apologize. I merely expressed my regrets for putting my thoughts into words and even now I still think he’s an a**hole.
I don’t think I have ever demanded a verbal (or written) apology. I feel awkward when somebody apologizes to me. If his reactions demonstrate regret, it is enough for me. Action is much more important than words. There is no need to beg for forgiveness. For true regret, forgiveness comes automatically.
Now enjoy the rest of the day.
Comments (18)
Have not seen you for ages. So sorry to hear about your troubles as well.
I said, "Solly"
Hello Catfoot
That is exactly what I'm talking about. If there was no regret, why did the person apologize? Either somebody else demanded that he/she apologize or he/she stood to lose something by losing your favor; be yhat material or goodwill. But then again, some people believe that a sorry fixes all - as often as needed.
Yes, some damage cannot be repaired that easily; especially when it concerns trust and/or respect.
Your actions speak louder than your words!
thank you. I'm glad to br back again. I had two shocks when I returned yesterday. First this super new user interface and then later, after posting a short blog, I noticed the flurry of the ghosts of my past haunting the blogs. I'm still at two thoughts whether I like that feature or not.
That's no nonsense. deeds do more than words.
It relieves me from the guilt of being stupid. But I never hold grudge, so if they won't forgive me, whom I've done wrong, that's their problem.
That does not sound like an apology. I detect no regret.
Do Canadians apologize a lot? Some years ago I had a Canadian family as neighbors, but he did not strike me as a guy who would apologize. While his wife was pleasant and the children well-mannered, he was rather obnoxious.
Hmm, If a sincere apology is rejected, it is a sort of a rebuff and it probably makes you wonder why you had apologized in the first place.
However, I think in such a case one should reevaluate the whole situation. If it is about something petty, then so be it, but many people walk around with deeply rooted hang-ups and you may unintentionally have hurt the person more than what you may realize.
Yes, you're right. What more can you do if a person does not want to accept your apology. We are just humans and cannot always know beforehand what will hurt so much that it is unforgivable.
Why do you say that?
Could you elaborate a bit.
Any flavour for me as long as it is chocolate mint. I'm not fuzzy at all.