Relationships and Algorithms
Many dating sites use mathematical algorithms to match people. And charge a lot of money for this service.However, according to an article I recently read in the Washington Post, they are no better than random choice.
Why? Because they match basically on personality.
But studies have shown that people of similar personalities in long term relationships only make up 0.5% of the total, so basing a match on similar personalities is doomed to failure.
Relationship success basically depends on three things:
1. Individual characteristics - like whether you’re smart or what kinds of hang-ups you have around relationships
2. Quality of interaction - how you hit it off in-person;
3. Surrounding circumstances — stuff like your race or health or financial status.
(Finkel et al)
I was watching a series recently called Married at First Sight, where couples are matched scientifically by a panel.
4 couples were matched. They met for the first time at the altar. One couple had an obvious instant attraction to each other. All couples liked each other. They were well matched.
Fast forward 6 months. The only couple still together was the one who were instantly attracted to each other. The rest liked each other as friends only.
Maths and science can do so much, but nothing can account for that 'je ne sais quoi' or chemistry between people
Comments (116)
'-)
Mr. NiceGuy and I have loads of chemistry
Of course we'd need more than that to make our relationship works in a long run.
Mimi
Nathan, sorry to disappoint, I'm not a drama queen
Sands, care to expand ?
Obviously you need common ground or it won't work, but that fizz is all important
Being attracted to the wrong types?
I am referring to men ofcourse as I'm only attracted to them...sometimes the pattern of conversation is so wrong. Then the attire is another thing.. Mostly I find men with that are witty and sharp and confident very attractive.
Seri, that certainly helps
Men who are witty, sharp and full of confidence very attractive.
I suppose if you could see if they tick the 1,2,3 boxes above, then you would have a fair idea of your compatibility.
You are correct...those three are very important elements which covers a very large spectrum.
Otherwise there may be a compatible, comfortable relationship, but no zing
I need zing.
Whenever I fly and sitting on my seat, specially coming from San Francisco, there are these magazines that promote exclusively the success of these ventures. And the exclusivity is amazing, they even control the income one makes to be a member. Sheesh..I am saying to myself, so they are targeting only those that are in the elite and to me that is not nice. And my next question is: why is there so much difficulty for these rich people to get connected and find their partner, better half?
Anyways, to me, success of any relationships work the same way, regardless of how one met. My two ex husbands, I met them both through family, one was one year, the other one 30 years. But the love of my life that is the most beautiful, remarkable and wonderful is whom I met at the poetry section of this site. But I didn't even care who he was according to what he wrote on his profile. Worse, he smokes and part of my most priority on being with someone then was must not be smoking. (note: yes I wasn't looking but the chemistry on our writes worked its way out for us to be together for almost two years).
I think this is your first blog that I read and I am so happy to see you write. I enjoyed reading and sharing my experience.
Was there not a song about "Just one look and my heart went zing"?
Yes, it is a multi million pound industry now, and growing.
But then so are many industries which don't have our best interests at heart, but are out solely to make profit
Yes, we definitely have a 'type' , whether we admit it or not.
And when the same failures happen in relationships, we have to have a deep chat with ourselves and decide why we go for the same type when it is doomed to failure, and if we are ready to change to ensure we find a more compatible model.
Map, there was certainly a song like that, and zing seems to work well in it
But then, zing works in everything
However, I do know of couples who are still together due to CS Meets.
I need more zing than that
Maybe a double zingburger
The so called "relationship experts" can conjure up percentages and probabilities all they like.. the bottom line ( in my humbled opinion) is, there are NO guarantees that even the most perfectly suited couple will remain married or remain in a long term relationship, just as there are no guarantees that two people who are totally wrong for each other, cannot make a go of it.
Who wants perfect? How boring must that be... ( again only my opinion)
My sister met the perfect man, got engaged, married and divorced within one year. I met a man 28 years ago, totally wrong for me, i married him 6 months later, remained married for 26 years and now decided to go our separate ways. No regrets. How will the experts explain that.
So YES, OP .. Chemistry is EVERYTHING!!! The rest is rather inconsequential..
Yes, it is practically impossible to see what relationships will work out or not.
Often you will be pretty sure that they are car crashes waiting to happen, and they often are
But sometimes, some couples seem to swerve out of the way of that oncoming truck, and live to drive another day
I have to type one handed here as one of the dogs is demanding a belly rub at the same time
While attraction is the most important element in most successful relationship it doesn't bind a relationship. Many couples still go their separate ways with intense passion for each other because the other two that was ticket plays a mighty role in the deterioration of the relationship.