Honesty – Really?
Practically without exception people rate honesty highest on the list of attributes they require of a partner.That seems perfectly reasonable and noble, but is it true?
Do we really listen to honesty if it is not what we want to hear?
And when it all goes belly-up, do we lash out and blame them even though it's not really their fault, it's ours for not listening to their reality, their honesty.
At the beginning of a relationship we should listen, really listen to what the other person is saying, not just what we want to hear as this will affect our entire relationship.
If we are honest with ourselves (is that even more difficult?) we have all been in such a scenario during at least one relationship in our lives. The he/she is obviously interchangeable, and I am sure you can add to these possible scenarios.
Scenario One:
She says, sex is not an important part of a relationship to her.
He thinks, she hasn’t slept with this god amongst men yet
..I will change her mind about sex forever!At the beginning all is good, both are trying to impress each other as we all do at the beginning of a relationship.
Fast forward 3 years – Couple are still together, possibly married, but he is lucky to get sex on his birthday and their anniversary.
He feels lonely and cheated and considers having an affair, after all he feels entitled to sex with the woman he loves. It is a normal part of any relationship. He feels hard done by.
She feels lonely and upset. She isn’t getting the love and companionship she wanted from the man she loves. She can’t understand why he is pushing her about sex, she had told him it was not important to her in a relationship, togetherness is more important.
Scenario Two.
He says, I am not into long term relationships
She thinks, he has not met me yet, he will never want to leave me once he gets to know and love me.
At the beginning all is good, they are getting on brilliantly, fall in love and enjoy each other’s company.
Fast forward 2 years – couple are still together but things aren’t going as well as could be,
She thinks, why does he not want to see me more? He seems to love me but won’t commit to anything, not even to book a holiday for the following summer.
He thinks, I am being smothered here. She wants me to be with her every waking minute and keeps planning things for the future. She’ll want me to marry her yet! I told her I wasn’t into long term relationships, all I want is a bit of fun with someone I care about, no long term plans, no long-term commitment.
When people are honest they say what they want or can do. We claim to want honesty but then disregard that honesty as it doesn’t suit our own ideas.
So, do we really accept honesty when we get it?