Nursery Rhymes Updated
Little Hood Redding RideSo this skank named Red Hooding Ride wanted to check her grandma’s house for crack money, she got out of her taxpayer sponsored crib and put on her leggings and anorak, grabbed her stolen iPad and headed to the bus stop.
Meanwhile, this gangsta dude who was on the run from the cops broke into granny’s taxpayer sponsored bungalow, he checked inside the Formica furnished hovel and saw grandma sleeping on in front of daytime TV, he robbed her purse and some shit and then plunged his shiv into the wrinkled woman and chucked her behind the sofa and sat down to enjoy some TV.
Red Hooding arrived, bummed a smoke off the mailman in return for a feel and entered grandma’s crib salivating at getting cash or stuff to pawn for crack. She saw the dude, and said “granny what a big baldy head u got b*tch”, the dude said “feck you”, and took out his d*ck, “oh granny what a big d*ck U got” he got up to have his way with the skank when the cops came in and shot him 38 times.
Dumpty Humpty
There was this morbidly obese dude named Dumpty Humpy, he was unemployed and liked to sit on walls and wolf whistle chicks while ramming a family bucket of fried chicken and a few extra strong lagers down his neck.
So Dumpty fell of the wall because he was drunk, some horses came by with a bunch of elite upper class military types, the horses were not paramedics and the elites couldn’t help put dumpty together because they were taking selfies with his runny yolky shattered corpse to upload on Facebook.
Why not add your own updated nursery Rhyme...
Comments (46)
Molly put the kettle on,
Molly put the kettle on,
We'll all have Barry's tea.
Molly ignored the request as she felt it was not her place to put the kettle on, The gender stereotype of a woman putting the kettle on was socially unacceptable.
Baa, baa, black Mister,
Have you any good?
Yes, sup, yes, sup,
A big bag full;
One for the beauty,
And one for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who learns from me on CS
Professor, I understood you sleep in a cave not in a sarcophagus, look younger today , or it's your mirror upstairs?
Lisa, That is absolutely the cleverest Ive ever read, thanks for writing and sharing it!
Supina, I said I would write a Supina friendly blog!, Excellent version of the Nursery Rhyme
As for the photo, I am pretending to be young today, its how old I feel inside.
when she bent over,............ Rover took over............
Ooh, she got a bone of her own..........................
They say you are as old as you feel...I feel this old today!
There was an single mother with 34 kids from 34 baby daddies who lived in a council shoe
she did not know what to do as her TV was repossessed
She went to cash her benefits cheque and met baby daddy number 35
She knew then what to do.
@Map listen .. CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE SO FLIPPIN CUTE IM GONNA DIE OF CUTE CUTE CUTE OH MY GOD CUTE
Yeap ...I´m sure you feel that way today, now I get your nursery rhymes request LOL
Got to go
Free, You are not awake, its just a dream, roll over, close your eyes and sleep more
Pat/Rough, I do wonder if real life, hard hitting rhymes would work these days, I dont have kids that I know of so are these old fashioned rhymes still sung to kids?
Molly, That one needs publishing along with Roughs work, Not just a modern version of Goldilocks & the three bears but a thoroughly adult version that made me gasp for more.
Hi Red, Thanks for your contribution, is that a real Geordie rhyme or one you made up?
I am trying to consentrate on Cushy Butterfield and hur beer
Sorry, can´t think of any rhymes at the moment...
There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, with what?
With your voice, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With your voice, dear Henry, dear Henry, your voice.
A poem is too tacky, dear Liza, dear Liza,
A poem is too tacky, dear Liza, and also too long.
Then do it your way, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
Then do it your way, dear Henry, dear Henry, do it.
How shall I do it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
How shall I do it, dear Liza, with what?
Maybe a chicken will help you dear Henry....but you can do that.
I should explain about my bird-cat:
One of the cats brought in a very tiny chick, Im sure they were going to eat it but didn't, I thought it had been bitten so put it outside. During the weeks that followed the bird grew and I saw it eating with the cats, so in time its become pretty much like a cat, it pecks on the back door when it wants attention and knows its name, "Chico", Ive recently discovered chico is a chica and actually a Galician Hen.
Pic shows Chica and her friends