My love for a married Man.

Some years ago, I met a wonderful, funny, charming, handsome man, a sort of George Clooney really. So intelligent and yet, lighthearted, and it was like something just clicked ~ Magical !

I amnot somebody who falls in love easily, and I just knew, felt that it was reciprocated, we met, we dated frequently, the whole package !! I felt permanently happy, I opened up my heart like a flower to this guy.
I had his Work number, I even went to one of his work do s. I was introduced to his friends. I got on with his friends and their girlfriends and wives.

He was the kindest, most sincere person, sexy, and again we just got on so well, connections like that rarely happen.

He started coming to my home, I introduced him to my friends and workmates at the time. They all loved him.

And then the bombshell.... one evening, whilst sitting having a drink, an irate woman came over to me and spat the words 'I hope you are proud of yourself, slutting it with a married man' a friend of his Wife who was in the large pub with her husband. To say I was numb, in shock is an understatement, there had been nothing clandestine about this relationship. The love of my life !!

To shorten this Blog, after a Blazing row , a sense of dreadful shock, betrayal, and absolute grief, sadness, disbelief... He told me he was prepared to leave his wife and 3 young children, that he would look after his wife financially, and the children and get a proper Divorce.
I have always felt, that if a man cheats on his wife, he will eventually cheat on the 'other woman ' too.
Marriage is a serious business, and I wasnot going to be a homewrecker. I suggested he be straight with her, betrayal and duplicity has never been something I could stomach. If the marriage needs fixing, eithe see a counsellor, or be straight.

To say my heart was utterly broken, is an understatement. I cried until I had no tears left,

So, I had my last drink with T. Told him this was the last meeting. I didnot date for some years, I know, it is hard to believe, I did socialise, work hard, but I hadnot the heart for a relationship. I have always felt it is a line you don't cross, somebody elses husband. You are screwing up kids lives too. I know, there are those who justify it with 'oh he/she cannot love their spouse or they wouldnot be with me ' or 'his family and wife are none of my business' but, that's a cop out. We have to have some thought for others, for children and the woman who bore him kids. I respect all do not share my view. Comments appreciated,




bouquet

Comments (36)

goldengloss
P.S. I meant to say that this is not an attack on any man or woman who has had a relationship or affair with a married woman/man. Everyone is human. It is just, anyone I know [all women] who have, have ended up getting very hurt. One woman I know, in her 50s, very attractive, alot to offer, was dumped after 25 years !!
Proficiency1
GG

Things happen to the best of us. To be lied to like that is so wrong. I never judge a man or a woman who falls into that trap. There are always things that is beyond the surface that you and I could never understand.

Children make things even simpler as to why you should walk away. Truth be told though, some kids are best grown without theirs biological parents in the same house.
Proficiency1
Their
Aaltarboy
As always, interesting blog, GG. Thanks. I fancy myself as having a wee bit of understanding for the thoughts and actions of our fellow humans. But it's always a challenge for me to understand the dynamics on either end of such stories. But never good to judge others. So I won't. Every time I resist doing so, it gets a little eaier. Aa.
I am so sorry you were duped this way. I myself would have done same as yourself, for kids sake.

Anyway if a marriage is done in my humble opinion folk need to become one person again or they bring parts of the other half with them.

Children needs comes first i feel, however saying that in this day and age kids seem to accept parents break ups moping

I WOULD, in fact, and do juge a person once knowing all the facts carry on and split a family up. Yes i know it takes two to tango, so i would never wish the tango couple good luck.teddybear teddybear
Dedovix
aint life a miracle ...we could spend ten lives and still we wouldn't see it all, learn and experience it all ...
goldengloss
Proficiency, Altar, Redex, Devodix
Thanks for replying, not a very exciting blog ! I would never judge anyone, it is just something that's common, a man is unhappy [or woman] and they go for abit of fun, and end up falling in love, or becoming very attached.

I guess it shows that playing around can be dangerous. I don't judge anyone as I am not perfect so how dare I.
Alot of people are so unhappy in marriages, alot would walk away except for the kids.

It was a number of years ago. I actually felt sorry for him, he was terribly unhappy, had married young, and he had changed alot.

I do know quite a few women who have been very hurt though, and one man, a platonic friend of mine who got his heart broken.

Thanks for replying all.
Sorry GG if we do not judge people or things how do we know what is right or wrong confused

I judge a terrorist to be wrong

I judge someone who steals to be wrong

I judge a murderer to be wrong.

We all know we are not whiter than white but if you stop judging things and just seek purely understanding what kind of world would we live in.

I brought my 3 sons up AS YOU KNOW myself because of a straying husband and a women who knew she would be instigating 3 fatherless children, so do you think i should have kissed her dam feet. No way both were at fault and i judged both. lips
goldengloss
Redex I get what you are saying, what I should have said was making a judgement and judging are two different things.
Being totally honest, I don't like the fact that people come along and can break up a family, I have seen how the kids suffer, the wife or husband suffer, and it is selfish.

That is a judgement.


What I was trying to get across, was, that I am not God, and I wouldnot judge somebody if they fell in love and couldnot help it.... there are always circumstances and I cannot see into the hearts.

Regarding Terrorism, yes, I hate it, I hate war, I hate the cowardice of people who go and kill innocent kids, people on a night out. But that's a judgement.

I don't /cant judge those who do the awful deeds, because people like ISIS consistently spread propaganda, and there are some very intelligent but niave people who actually believe they are doing something that is good.
There are also many people who need a cause, who are fodder for people like ISIS to use , they arenot well mentally.

I don't know if this makes sense. For a believer in God it would be, Hate the sin, but not the sinner.
Well GG I am an atheist so have no fear judging folk.

I am whiter than white than a killer, etc, etc, so judge by my own standards not by a god whos judgement comes before mine thats all i mean.

someone by the way could come up to me and preach the isis bit and i would not go and kill someone, we all make judgements in our lives. Some one could come up to me and they do preaching about a God no matter what religion. I make a judgement i do not beleive that

But let me tell you GG I can behave under the laws of the land, i do follow those wether i believe them to be just or not.

I judge people, not a judgment, but judge and jury so to speak who i think cross boundries. teddybear
goldengloss
Redex I respect your views. Diversity never killed anyone. Of course, I do get sad, annoyed, all the natural emotions when I see innocent people killed.

ISIS men who killed in Iran [which you probably read or heard about ] in past few days, dressed up as women....
I have always dreaded that, and l believe I am not being neurotic or 'negative' but we need to be vigilant.
Therefore I am one person that would like to see the Burka banned for that very reason, you just cannot tell.
These days on a crowded train/light rail, it is pretty scary to see a person [woman ? man ?] in a Burka with a backpack. It is normal to feel this way, and packages left in a shop etc.,

I also think more of our Gardai here [cops ] should be armed. thumbs up
Sorry GG i do not believe burka to be banned, but in a court of law, a bank, a teacher etc it is a no no in our country or should be, i would not wear jeans if meeting her majesty but what we do in private is our own business.

Arm all police i do not believe that. We have an excellant trained armed police and their response just recantly clearing the streets and shooting three men was ver quick indeed. These men are traine to make very fast judgments. Mistakes will always happen in any situation but highly trained police is in my book better option.

We have an army for very seriouse cases, better employed looking after us than being sent to wars that have nothing to do with us.
lshtar
GG you were lucky you got away.
You say" I have always felt, that if a man cheats on his wife, he will eventually cheat on the 'other woman ' too."
He was already cheating on you. What you had with him was a total lie. Cause if he had told you and you had known the truth then you could have decided what to do before falling in love. This man is just a liar, to you, to his wife and family. You should have thought how lucky you were to get away and moved on, and found someone worth loving, maybe not perfect but yes truthful.
johnjjm
good to see yoy back in action don't know what to say about married men me had not them things to sort so im no expert think I might have sussed from start .and arming police id be against that .where guns involved it bad news I think
lshtar
JohnJ how far away is Westmeath from Dublin?
johnjjm
depends where in Westmeath is about 70k give or take is drivable a lot do daily takes me anhour to Dublin outskirts are you buying ovrer here
lshtar
JJ I would love to visit Ireland. My hubby is in Dublin today and tomorrow off to Galway. I've to work or I would be over there too.
johnjjm
ish all the galway women will be out looking for him best you take care ah it s a nice friendly place mostly if you talk to us is hard to get us to shut up
lshtar
JohnJ, He was born in Galway and had his share of them, not really worried about that casue if he had wanted a Galway girl he could have had one ages ago.
What I have noticed is that before meeting him I would not say one single swear word, and now it's like each sentence I say one. Irish men/women sure know how to swear.
itchywitch
Good to see you back blogging again G wave
sorry, haven't read any comments yet... but from where I'm reading it you left him because once a cheat always a cheat? Wouldn't of being a good enough reason for me ... that being said isn't that just another way of saying you didn't trust in his love for you... had you of, would you of allowed him to prove himself to you?
OgGoDeo
Hi Gg......Sorry to read about the horrible time you went through having your heart broken by that guy.......I think it is a perfect example of nobody truly knowing what is going on in other people's minds or lives.......Unfortunately there are always people who will lie and deceive just to meet their own selfish needs.......He obviously said and did all the things that made you believe that you were in an ordinary, loving relationship.......The only part I cannot understand is how he was able to bring you to his work do's etc and introduce you to his co-workers and friends?.... Would they not have known that he was married and still living with his wife?.... How did he explain to them who you were and why he was in a relationship with you?.....Anyway, It was extremely selfish of him to allow you to fall in love with him and only for that woman approaching yee when yee were out for a drink how long more would he have continued with the lie he was making you live?.....At least you found out eventually but, my goodness, what a cruel, hard lesson to learn.....
goldengloss
Ishtar ~ Only for that woman coming over and attacking me verbally, I mightnot have found out for a few years. The fact I had met his friends and their wives/girlfriends, I had no reason to think he was married. No photos, no phone calls, no sneaking off to candlelight dinners and keep me a 'secret' so all his friends knew I was 'the other woman' and played along... that upset , annoyed me.
Thanks for your wise words, I was that bit younger, but the signs werenot there. I agree with what you said, he had no problem lying to me, by not telling me he was married, by allowing me to fall in love, the fact he didnot meant to, but did, doesnot make him a nice man.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I am glad I did the right thing [by my standards] and walked.
goldengloss
OgGoDeo [hope I spelt that correctly !] is it lashing over there ? it is here. Sick of it !Thanks for reply. Yes, we have all been taken in at some stage.

I did bump into him a few years ago... it didnot make me happy, but he had put on tons of weight, and his wife had kicked him out of their lovely home. He had access to his now, older children, but was living in a very lonely apartment. He asked me would I like a lift, as I was getting a Bus into town. I declined gracefully. He asked if I would like to meet sometime. I gave him a firm No, and declined to give my phone number when asked by him.

Nope, didnot make me feel 'the winner' I am not like that, I just thought amazing how his life changed... obviously he had been cheating big time. Murphys Law, or Karma as they say now, maybe. Thanks for reply.
goldengloss
Itchy good to see you hug He was married and didnot tell me, I had to find out from somebody else. I guess it happens to alot of people, one way or the other, we meet the one, the person we think is the love of our lives, who makes us feel loved, and so happy.

The heart is it's own master, and it took a long while to get over him Itchy , but I am still here, a warrior.
I think I might be harder to con this time around. laugh
goldengloss
JJ Thanks for replying. I guess everyone gets a belt emotionally now and again. The deep hurt did last for a very long time.

Good for you, walking that distance... I intend getting a good pair of trainers in Rock tommorow in Dundrum Centre, they have great support Trainers and I am definitely going to try and walk more.
thumbs up
goldengloss
Redex ~ Regarding the Burka, I just don't like the fact it could be a woman or a man, underneath. Especially since the men dressed in Burkas in Iran and all the killing they did. [few days ago ].
It isnot religious intolerance, as for Guns, I do agree, the UK did a fantastic job in Manchester... under stress, but I still think more of our police need Guns, in these times. Enjoy your Bucks Fizz, no doubt you've cooked something nice to eat . ?wine

I am having a cup of tea [living dangerously] and some Toast with marmalade.... you cannot get more exciting than that. An early night as am up early tommorow. grin
OgGoDeo
Hi again Gg.....Yes indeed....it's been pouring here as well these past few days.....typical Irish summer!... lol......Ah, fair play to you for standing your ground.....I don't wish the man any badness......but it looks like the way he has conducted his life has come back to haunt him.....wish you the best in the future anyway...handshake
Elegsabiff
Eek - and yup, a true frog rather than prince, with pretty crappy friends as well. You are well out of that wow but it must have been devastating at the time
lindsyjones
GG, my utmost respect for your openness.

Your heroic sacrifice to let go of a very magical feelings that meant your life and future.

Having said that, I am baffled how he went through building that trust amidst apocalyptic lie.

Just like OGGO said: How was he able to take you to his work, introduced you to friends without being upfront with you?

I feel sorry for the woman who had to slap you with the truth. She treated you as though she thought you knew he was married all along.

I would have thank her afterwards. It was important to let the truth be known that you were used. You were lied to. You didn't deserve that merciless wrath.

In anyways I have so much respect for the fact that you had the strength to abate a most wonderful love you thought you had.

Personally, I agree with Red, I judge against liars and users, that man should have been jailed and punished. If we can criminalize these evil acts perhaps there's no more liars so no one becomes a victim of these heinous and callous acts.

God bless you GG. Today with the new information technology, lol,,if we face such doubt, we can truly pin these creepy liars and avoid such an awful plight. sad flower
goldengloss
Elegs ~ I think it was the deception. Plus he was a lovely, or appeared to me to be a lovely man. Time is a great healer , cliche but true. It taught me to be on my guard, I look for wedding ring marks now on the hands... seriously I think everyone has had one hard knock in the relationship arena.

Yep, I have kissed alot of Toads. frog frog frog
goldengloss
Lindsay, Thanks for your reply. I think today with so much technology, smartphones, emails, but most married men wouldnot introduce you to their friends. I guess they were in cahoots with him and I am now thinking I wasnot the first woman he fooled.

I was angry at the time and called him alot of names. Men who lie and fool [women too] are liars, cheats, it is that simple. I suppose the distance in time has mellowed me abit and he ended up on his own as his wife left him,
He has a high powered job and would be known around town as they say, which made it worse as I hated the thought of being seen with him, and being thought of as the 'other woman'

Take care. hug
lindsyjones
The saying that says :"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ", is very true.

You've become stronger and cautious, to the extent that you're now very investigative of everything around you before you commit yourself to anything.

I'm sure love will be found when you're ready and this time, just for you.

Good luck GG, and take care.

Note : my computer is down and just now reading my mails.

Will write you. hug
Roughroadergirl
Aww GG I just feel terribly sad you experienced this. Why is it that often the people we love most we can't be with blues it's a strange affair! Glad your heart healed though hug
MimiArt7348
bouquet bouquet bouquet
goldengloss
Sorry ! I left blogs to watch a film that was badly made about the Kennedys thanks Lindsay for your post,
Roughrider, and everyone who replied.

I really do feel it has happened to all women, and most men, unless they are very very lucky.
Thankfully, most married men nowadays would have a Smartphone with family photos and people tend to keep their mobiles switched on, so his kids could have phoned?

I believe in the end, I have forgiven him 100% and don't wish him any harm. that is the most healing of all.
I do hope he has found somebody to love , is physically in good shape, and has learnt not to treat women
badly.

Thanks for all the helpful replies.daisy
goldengloss
Mimi ~ lovely to see you. you loved up , lovely lady. Thanks for coming onboard. hug
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