Malta, and Zen
It was 20 years ago. I was a successful consultant in my field, editor in a magazine, had managed to become assistant professor in the college I graduated from. I was dating an eccentric girl and my future looked bright. Would fight for another 5 years and then accept a position in a good company in my field, wear tight Ermenegildo Zegna suits and seduce our clients over lunches. Maybe ditch the eccentric girl and settle for something more reasonable.Then I found Malta. Malta was small, very small, something like the population of the third largest city in my country. There was no way to follow my career path. It was an island, I couldn’t just hop in my car and go somewhere else if I felt like it and all this water around it…Yes, they spoke English, but they also spoke Maltese which looked worse than Chinese to me. They were Catholic, which could be a problem to my much freer approach to the Divine. I would obviously not wear Zegna suits every day and would I find an eccentric girl there? Hell, I haven't even been there!
I gave all this a 5 minute thought, pulled up my sleeves and got to work. Internet was there, but not so much info in it back then, gathered and printed all of it. Went to the bookstore, gathered maps, charts, tourist guides, the pocket Maltese lexicon. I wrote to real estate agents. I needed to rent an apartment and a shop to open a small print on demand shop, which was a possible success back then and I had all the knowledge to run it. One of the real estate agents even sent me a magazine. There were two pasta recipes in there, one with black and red “caviar” and the other, a tuna, parsley, anchovy, cold pesto. Still cooking them regularly after all these years…
What was that? Were I hallucinating? I was certainly not doing drugs. Was it something astrological? My furious Sagittarius ascendant had managed to kick the butt of the Virgo in me? Or was it the first symptom that I was yet another fragmented guy who was just missing the importance of my own being?
It was then it happened. Went to a seminar abroad, met someone I knew back in the years and I fell in love…My second email to her was actually an invitation to go and live with me in Malta, still have it. She didn’t even take the time to answer this. It went very quickly: child, marriage, dark, light, cold, hot, laugh, cry, idiots, mentors, Iceland, Japan, divorce…
Momentarily, Malta winked to me, but I was so unbelievably broken…
Ulysses they say passed from Malta on his way to Ithaca. Was it Calypso the subtle? Was it the sirens? Who knows…What I know is that I envy him. And after all these years, I still haven't been there…
Comments (18)
Beautifully written story, thank you.
Would Malta ever live up to its expectations, I wonder?
I thought so too.
There is a song that came to mind, whilst reading this blog.
I'd say you are destined to go to Malta...which is not that far from where you are...but somehow the universe has been putting a few obstacles...or rather distractions..In your way just to test you.
But...now IS the time!
So let me get this, you still have a yerning/longing for Malta?
I'm impressed, nice to see someone take such a lovely romantic leap....
when one dream ends and unless your heart completely and utterly broken, there is nothing stopping you from dreaming again... and who knows maybe next time you leap, you'll be caught in the hands of your keeper.
Maybe Malta wasn't for you then... and perhaps the time is now
You are obviously an educated Man...who did all the research...without taking a short flight to investicate yourself!..
Anyway.....nice blog......
Molly
The way I see it, maybe its more about if I, myself would live up to my own expectations
Witch
Well yes I still have a longing for Malta. Or maybe for what this symbolised to me at that time. The need for a contained place to settle and get the chance to look well inside myself. I had the chance to learn more about this later, but still in a fragmented life
Jazz
I can assure you that in many matters I can be as cautious and systematic as they make them. But this back then was above me, it was just a screaming internal need. It took a pregnant woman to make me steer away from it
Since you have been practising Yoga for many years, Zen, mindfulness, I would assume that the materialistic things in life, are no longer that important to you...
I wish you well wherever you settle. The path inward, the ridding ourselves of Ego, and the attainment of self knowledge, surely brings us to a place where we no longer feel a need to impress others ?
I wonder what you mean by 'Eccentric' surely that is somebody who isnot afraid explore their own path? not a clone. Be happy ! and breathe.
longing and belonging aren't quiet the same thing, do wish you luck in finding the one most important to you..
Ps, I've a nice little tree house in my back garden.
You do look as if you are packing to go somewhere in your profile pic.
Beautifully written blog.
I've taken the time to read your profile:
"I have made a great effort to tame my big ego and become a good listener through the years"
I'm impressed. Most men wouldn't have the insight and continue on their merry, destructive way with their inflated ego.
All the best in your quest to find what you're looking for.
Something tells me you won't be single for long.
You are probably right, after all where we're going should essentially be where we're coming from.
I might take you on your offer someday. There's a place in my heart for Ireland and the Irish and Galway was beautiful.
I went around the country for 10 days and felt like home. A couple of nights we stayed at a B&B where the owner was a mature woman with no children. Every day she brought things for my little son, he was 7 back then. The last morning she stood by the door with tears in her eyes and we waved goodbye. Never to be forgotten.
I owe this to my son along with many other things. I had to put an effort to raise him and this quickly makes you realise things. Like that from time to time in the discussion you tell yourself "now shut up and listen". I wasnt going to get somethng done any other way. I tried to make it a habit eversince
I commend you for taking the time with your son. Well done Dad.
I only wish more people would "shut up and listen" without the intent of forming a response before hearing what's actually being said......an art form in itself....
I just wanted to ask what does Sonkei Giri mean. I'm guesing its Japanese and I'm curious of its meaning.
Anyways,nice to read you left taking fond memories of Ireland with you....
seems too you fell in the care of an Irish mammy in your B&B .. Good for you.
I'd say you have managed to send your message across effortlessly
If you'll ever decide to visit the Island I am more than willing to show you from where Ulysses passed and lead you to the marks of his footsteps
Who knows, There might be the chance you also come across Penelope