The Key to a Successful Relationship
May not be linked to external trappings such as .jobs, income, appearance, etc., — these tend to "come and go."Instead it may be Relational Self-Awareness , which is defined as "the ability to take a curious stance vis a vis yourself."
"People who don't have much relational self-awareness tell stories (especially love stories) that are full of blame and shame. They tend to cast themselves as victims and other people as suckers, losers, or fools."
On the other hand, a relationally self-aware person might say something like, "It wasn't the right time for us," or "It was painful, but I learned from the experience."
"Without relational self-awareness, what happens is I slip into into blame — I see it as your fault because I'm blind to my own role in it — or I slip into shame — because I'm not paying attention to your role and I'm convinced that I'm the problem and I ruined the whole thing."
A relationally self-aware partner will realize that you both messed up and "ended up way down this rabbit hole of misunderstanding."
How do you recognise the lack of self-awareness in somebody (or in yourself)?
Pay attention to how they talk about their past relationships; see if they always blame others for every bad thing that has happened to them; see how they treat a waiter who brings an incorrect drink; see how they deal with another road user, etc.
Basically, when the sh1t hits the fan, how do they react.
Can you improve their self-awareness?
Improve your own, and let them learn from you.
(Thisisinsider.com)
Comments (71)
Heck! I even blamed the family cat when we ran out of toothpaste!
Molly
Where's Seri when we need her
You have got to take responsibility for your own usage, and ultimate destruction, of the toothpaste
Or else buy more tubes of it
Yep i do blame my ex, he left me and his 3 sons 7-10-12 to fend for ourselves. He disapeared abroad and could not be found. My sons needed a father, They are fine young men good fathers and husbands so i supoose the barsteward left them the legacy of what not to do
I do not feel anything now about the whole business but everthing folk chat about karma i sure hope there is truth init
Nah, that's not the ONE key to a successful relationship. Just like "How to become a Millionaire, or Billionaire," there must be a Gazillion books and quotes, videos and so on about the keys to a successful relationship. If any of them worked, almost everyone would be rich and in a relationship.
You want to know the REAL success to a relationship? Err, what time you going to be home, or could we meet someplace private. Then, I'll show you.
I dont explode anymore, waiters and road users are now safe from my testosterone generated rants, we are all human and we all have quirks that being self aware of can be controlled.
We all play the blame game to a certain extent. As Red said, whatever gets us through. But the time comes when we have to learn from it and move on.
Red, when's the next holiday?
What do I do about it? become a different person? too late for that, I think. I'm stuck with being me. Oh well.
Better make it a double
Here's your double
Look at what's inside the person that counts.
Never try to change someone.
We may have different viewpoints, but that's what make blogs interesting