what is it?

what is it with relationships? when one is in to the other person, they are a turn on and the time apart brings the togetherness, a passionate, crazy good time. when one breaks up, one reflects on the union and questions "what did i ever see in them?". i mean, it can go to the extreme, where the ex-love is absolutely repulsive. the way the mind processes is a marvel. it is the most stunning master of the mysteries of life. it can either warp the vision to see the ex-lover as much a turn off as they once were a turn on. or did the mind warp the vision, at first glance, to consider the ex-lover as someone irresistible in the first place? i ponder this today...

Comments (29)

Dedovix
Once again my help is needed
I recomend a bottle of Vodka per day, just to take off the edge wink
freehand
uggg
antarkrishna
yes true , because we live mostly in mind projections....the reality is beyond the mind...and true love,....
Cachuchi
"Oh My gosh what was I thinking about" next-morning-sensation? yeah....I´ve been there rolling on the floor laughing
SimonInMark
It's what's known as the "beer effect" and it is most evident when one wakes up in the morning glued to the bed sheets staring at mysterious slug trails all over the room right next to a 2 ton chick.
freehand
uggg
mollybaby
That which we think we love about the person, and attracts us to them in the first place - those quirks, those endearing traits they have - those are the things we grow to hate after a while.

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, very closely linked.


The best thing to do is get out of the relationship before the turn of the coin.
Mapmaker
In my opinion its normal and in some respects a coping mechanism, we look for the bad in someone, turn as Molly said quirks into annoyances.
Aaltarboy
F,. I have the opposite issue. Regrets over the hotties I let get away. Better these days, though. Aa.
pat8lanips
Some folks have to hate on departure. Most can say- lets be really good friends instead- then have nothing more to do with you. Others, for whatever reason have to be enemies.
mollybaby
Pat, I'm the 3rd option.

I'm good friends with all my exes teddybear
pat8lanips
Well thats reassuring, that there's a third option. heart wings
mollybaby
There's always a 3rd option, Pat teddybear
Bnaughty
Are these options written down somewhere?
pat8lanips
Carved into the Rosetta stone.
Bnaughty
Where can I find this "Rosetta?"
mollybaby
BN, go down to the end of the street, turn right at the monument, then take the next left.
Walk for 205 metres, then take the next two rights
The rosetta is there on the left.
Bnaughty
Your street or my street?
SimonInMark
Does that mean that you keep exchanging services with your exes mols?
mollybaby
The street, Baughty, the street
mollybaby
Tenner, imagine whatever you wish to imagine wink
SimonInMark
It's a wee bit too late to give me the go-ahead now, mol... roll eyes
Bnaughty
I found the Rosetta but I´m not sure which language to choose the options in. Italian could be fun, I´ll try that one
mollybaby
Tenner, you are more of a future non-ex grin
mollybaby
Ciao bella heart wings
Cachuchi
On a serious note, it´s not "normal" to have a "good" relationship with your exes, thats what most of shrinks would say ...taking a part a couple of bastards I´ve met, yes, I have a good relationship with all of them, some rules apply (never make any reference to our past love relationship, memories, for example) but besides that, I have it and its good, not only for us since there are still so many friends in common but also if there are kids involved. Blood is blood. My opinion. cool
mollybaby
Cach, I don't really care what is considered 'normal'.

I was friends with them before we dated, friends while we dared, and I see no reason not to be friends afterwards.

If one leaves a relationship before it goes too far down the road of no return, there's no reason they can't be friends again once that initial painful time is over.
Cachuchi
I´m on your side Molly, think the same, but ...I´ve read that and surprised me so much since what I have with my exes (all of them in facebook commenting between them some pics and stuff) is very rare ....but as I said, it only happens with important relationships...some of them also met in real life...

I supposed it works different to anyone....no clue! dancing
arpito
@Freehand - you wrote "the way the mind processes is a marvel. it is the most stunning master of the mysteries of life. it can either warp the vision to see the ex-lover as much a turn off as they once were a turn on."


Its a great "pondering post". You focused in on the main culprit of broken expectations - the untamed mind.

The mind creates the illusion of love that was simply its unconscious (concealed) ego driven desire. It also produces the illusion of condemnation when reality shatters the former illusion. So the mind of the average person hops from illusion to illusion, dragging the poor heart on an emotional roller coaster. Anything that bubbles up as thoughts into the surface of awareness the the mind takes as absolute truth. This is what the higher self gets when it lets the mind be the boss. The heart does not know any different, it responds to the reality as filtered by the mind.

For me, it is important that the ever active mind be trained to know its place, to be silent when its not needed or when it is not qualified to decide. Once the mind also understands its correct position, it will be very helpful to maintain the right balance between all the other actors of the self. But for that the mind has to become aware of its own processes. Otherwise the gatekeeper will become the prison guard.

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