His & hers

Earlier today whilst getting the hair done, picked up a magazine, flicked through the pages till something of interest caught my eye, then I began reading.. it was a woman's story as to why she thinks having separate bedrooms whilst living together helps builds a more loving relationship.

She began explaining as an only child she never had to share her room, then she went on to joke saying it was her reason for never wanting to get married but eventually she did and to cut through the story so's not to bore you.. she did find the joys and comforts in sharing a bedroom daydream

Don't know why but when baby No.1 was born, she moved into a bedroom of her own with the child, for the weeks that she had she had missed dreadfully sleeping with her husband, not just because she missed you know what, but she missed not ending the day along side the person she hoped to begin the day with.

Baby No.2 came along and when she went to a separate room again, this time she didn't miss sleeping with him and to cut through her story again, she has had her own room ever since.

She did mention the downsides in them having separate rooms ...
one was she had become more conscious of her body and the changes brought about by age and time, another was falling a sleep wrapped in loving arms bla bla and bla bla and bla bla but all that aside, she insisted having separate bedrooms helps build a stronger more loving relationship.

Now her reasons why she thought that, i was really interested in because what I had gathered from the reading, she was no longer in love with the man.. but "doh" i was then called to the basin and afterwards when i returned, there was the magazine gone doh

But anyways here's my question to you, what do you think ....
when living with someone in a loving relationship , do sleeping arrangements matter or not dunno

My personal view on the matter is if you can't sleep with me, then piddle off ..
simple as, end of snooty

Comments (26)

I snore very loudly so a separate bedroom would not be such a bad idea.

Believe it or not however, Arty is quickly lulled to sleep by my snoring uh oh uh oh uh oh
itchywitch
Mimi, maybe sleep for him is his means of escape ....

From the snoring that is wink
I did not read the article, but from what you offer it sounds vaguely like something out 1800s Victorian England. Sleeping in separate rooms was the birth control of the day because well, you couldn't expect a man to control his urges. That would be unnatural. Natural Law was a self evident state of being n those of civilized days.

Marriage was about conserving wealth. You only married within your station and deeded all the family tittle and wealth and to the oldest son. Latter sons went off to India or Africa to establish their fortunes and daughters - well you bargained to minimize their dowries. Dowries often times were the family wealth, the trickle down economics of the day.

The only thing missing is a downstairs staff of domestic servants including the occasional pregnant maid when the butler failed to maintain proper discipline.

Like I said, I didn't read the article.
Hello Itchy,hug I know, when I was in living with someone, in a loving relationship, it was to be with that person, whether it be in life or sleeping arrangements, blushing
The times do change - the 20th century is not the 19th century. Living in the Colonies gave families elbow room and economic opportunities for all. Then also there were medical advances, particularly in the area of hormones that made family planning possible. It is interesting that here in the 21st century the unbalanced division of wealth should lead into a rebirth of Natural Law, especially in the area race relations. Here the Make America Great campaign comes to mind, which is largely about making America whiter. I already see signs of Social Darwinism reemerging as the means to explain White Superiority. Bad politics often times leads to bad science.
Kattte
laugh Sounds as they were the quintessential Disney couple from US television in stark reality. Spare beds/ separate rooms in most of the shows oil the mid to late 50's when TV actually showed a couple sitting on the husband's bed...God, what prudes ; their entire outlook on what a marriage is/ should be like' just like those cultists of the Puritan Age that even dictated that a husband and wife with one bed should have a departing board between them...totally perverse. (makes one wonder if one of them made a hole in the board, rolling on the floor laughing
Separate rooms? Perhaps if the husband/ father was a potential threat to the baby or a viable health reason...or after childbirth, she wished to be left physically alone for awhile till she felt better to satisfy his "bestial urges"laugh "A more loving relationship" ? Then the true spirit of the marriage could devolve into one of 'platonic love" but someone is going to eventually resent it I would wager unless they have already progressed to the stages of senility; or the spiritual essence of marriage had turned 'senile'...sigh
Kattte
apologies for the various wrong words appearing...I write one thing and they change; some I give up trying to correct them over and over...and the preview doesn't always work either...frustrated
Some of the best marriages I have witnessed are those that find a balance between together and apart. I knew a couple that always took separate vacations. He on his Harley and she on her cruises. OF course they had enough income to afford this life style. Still giving each other space is as important as shared time in the bedroom.
Katte - interesting you should point out the prudish minded TV and movie censors of 1950's America. I call it "Leave it to Beaver" land. LOL At times I think President Trump is trapped in one those B&W TV episodes.
Katte - have you tried cutting and pasting your ideas from a computer based word processor. Typing long winded dialogs on a phone strikes as me as asking for grammar muck ups.
Grouchyoldfart
Acording to the article you are referring to, She has a separate bedroom and does not sleep with her husband anymore, but goes on to say that she had a second child ! Hmmmmm! Very curious . Unless her name is Mary and had an immaculate conception she must still sleep with hubby , or perhaps she let's the neighbor in ocasionaly ?
Grouchy - I suggest a reread - the key wording here is
"Baby No.2 came along and when she went to a separate room again, this time she didn't miss sleeping with him and to cut through her story again, she has had her own room ever since.
To each their own Itchy,
Did the said article go into any depth about the Husbands feelings on the matter.
If the couple are both happy in that situation, then why not. Good luck to them I say.

Why fix what is not broken. dunno
Kind of funny to see that many opinionated radicals who's ethos on s*xual promiscuity would otherwise be;
"What goes on in the bedroom between a man and women is their business"
Would have such strong judgemental opinions as to be calling this couple prudes, oddly old fashioned and out of touch with society dunno

In my opinion Society is quite a flimsy argument for the thread of morality in the fabric of Being human. wine
Elegsabiff
I bet his side is different. I know at least 1 guy who adores his kids and loves his wife but is half insane with frustration about their lack of a sex life and she tells everyone how happy they are.

Getting separate beds was a big debate in the 60s. One joke, a guy was asked how sep beds was working out and he said he wore a hat to bed every night and every night threw it on her bed. Some nights she threw it back. Some nights she brought it back...
AlanStagg
This is a crying baby and a breast feeding issue.
She moved so as not to disturb his sleep because he was too lazy-arsed to let her sleep and get himself up and bottle-feed the babe.

Sound familiar ladies?
I think it all depends on why exactly she decided she needed to go into a separate bedroom with their baby when it was born.

Was it because the husband didn't want anything to do with the feeding and looking after of their child?

Was it that the husband was asking for sex before she was ready to after giving birth?

Or was it that she had sex only for the sake of procreation, and once she had the child, and subsequently the 2nd, that she withheld sex from the relationship.

I have known people in both situations, and believe me, neither was a true 'loving relationship'. More like a farce to show the world.
goldengloss
Itchy ~ I think it is their own business but she chose to write about it knowing it would be discussed.
In Scandinavia a lot of people sleep in the same room but in separate beds, they feel it is more comfy !!conversing So much for spooning on cold nights and spontaneous sex.

I agree that she moved to the bedroom because she did not want to wake her sleeping husband [it's ok for the woman who has just conceived and is exhausted to have no sleep ] .

The most important bit to me was how she felt about her body, embarrassed, in a loving relationship, surely a woman and man would realise after childbirth things are never 100% the same. What about his body ? did he put on weight or become very out of shape over the years?

To feel embarrassed about your body in front of your husband tells a lot about the intimacy, s*xual side of the marriage. How can you be s*xual and enjoy you own body and your 'beloved's body if you are ashamed of your 'not perfect' body?

Sad really, the tryanny of perfectionism. sad flower
loulou77
Itchy

The only people I knew having separate beds was my great aunt and uncle...perhaps their arthritis was acting up...lol...laugh

Funny though...you would never see the tv's 50's housewife wearing pants unlike my mother...and my parents had shared the same bed...although they lived together before marrying...lol...laugh ...something you would rarely see in the 50's...but my dad is Norwegian...ahead of the trends regarding the Americas...my mom was also a rebel...
wine

I never had to think about it but my ex did snore so I would retreat into a separate bed room to get some sleep...he was an exeptional loud snorer...many people complained about him...a side jab to the ribs would force him to sleep on his side...lol...laugh As far as having a baby reside in your room...since I work outside of the home...and city living is expensive...both parents would share the load...work wise...wine
ekself
Sleeping in your own room does not outomatically mean no sex. You don't need to sleep in the same bed in order to have sex.....as long as I am not the one having to get to my room after the fun the sleeping apart won't be a big deal.
itchywitch
thanks for the replies here but sorry I've lost interest in this blog conversing

Chow now, time to put the kettle on coffee2
arpito
Thanks Honey but not tonight :) let there be distance in your togetherness...Hmmm it did not work for me. I could not sleep until my lousy wife did not slip in next to me in the bed, and then i could not sleep either, for different reasons.

Itchy, you gotta finish this blog! You opened this can of worms now you need to make sure to pack all of them back.
itchywitch
Now listen here to me now Arpito, I don't take too kindly to anyone telling me what I should or should not do very mad

So less of this you thinking you are the boss of me, keep it up and I'll be sending you to your room flex

And a separate room at that snooty

laugh
arpito
Sorry Itchy

I certainly did not mean to boss you around. I am going to my room (and lock my door)

You hurt my little bear heart

blues crying
arpito
on second thought, i am going out to have a beer and design a blog titled "The Fragile Female Ego"


teddybear
itchywitch
No beer when sent to the naughty room scold

so lets be having it " the beer that is" roll eyes

And since my fridge is empty, what else to say but thank you Arpito wine

wink
arpito
oh, i see that you have a good little heart after all, iii iiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

the empty fridge can be a problem though

teddybear
Ummka: "Love comes with habit"(meet us in the poems)

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