Ah and what shall we say about Self - Sabotage

How do we define self sabotaging behavior as there are many definitions and many ways
we often sabotage our efforts to form healthy relationships with people.
We often say and do things that we know will bring harm upon us an unconscious level that we
don't recognize until its too late.

The patterns are subtle but quite damaging. A few examples is one may be chatting with a potential
friend or lover online they get up to a point of quality communication you tell your love interest many
adoring things that make them melt in your hands then because of something you don't know about
why your love interest stopped corresponding and you don't know what you said or you don't know
their reasons why they chose not to chat or you offer them a break to think about things and then become angry why they have not responded. This is a sign of what I call the "Controlling Saboteur" who whines for attention and then when he/she does not get the quality or quantity of attention they cut the communication off.

They tell their love interest that they may not be interested and make all kinds of assumptions not knowing the truth of why their love interest is not communicating. They seek exclusive attention and become a bit obsessive.
They recognize or they may tell their love interest they have a life outside of the online love arena but resent
that they do hence, they don't focus on their own life but the life of their love interest.

Another saboteur is what I call the "On top of the World" type. He or she has everything going for them a good job, friends, family, home, car the works but throws it all away getting in trouble such as going on a killing spree
or drinks themselves to death watching their lives slowly fall apart as they lose their job family home etc.

Then there is the "Loner by Choice saboteur" who has no faith or hope in finding anyone to love them so they resign to accepting their hermitage life and nobody is worthy to ever enter in their life. Outwardly they tell everyone they are just peachy and don't want anyone. They have their TV, their movies, their dog, and their junk food and their two cents of thought to post on a blog yet deep inside there is a silent scream within, that nobody hears from the loner that they really want someone but, fear they will be misunderstood hence, they choose to be in their "loner" comfort zone and they don't have to answer to anyone but themselves.

The problem with self sabotage is many who do so, feel so horrible about themselves their self esteem is non existent that they may have to look it up in the dictionary to understand what that means.
Many may sabotage themselves to fail because that is all they know and have fears of success.
The problem of fears of success is the fear of responsibility that comes with that success and the work to maintain that success. A scary thought indeed. When you are already down nobody expects much from you.

In conclusion I feel in many areas of my life I have self sabotage down to a science though its nothing to boast about or be proud about but, who among us is without sin? Who among us will not admit they sabotage their efforts of happiness at any level because they can justify themselves of their plight.
To the world they will paint a pic they are on top of their game behind the computer screen they may reveal a much different person.

Comments (10)

What an interesting topic. thumbs up

Self saboteurs have many Fears...

Fear of success being probably the biggest..."I'm sure to lose.." Before they even start they've already put obstacles !

Fear of failure..."what if..."

Fear of not being good enough..."well I don't know if I can.."

Fear of Rejection...those will in fact reject the other person before they reject them as telling someone to bugger off feels much better than being told to take a hike.

A self saboteur has a self destroy button which he/she is ready to activate any time when things are going too well for their liking because of some of the above fears.

A self saboteur needs attention and validation all the time and when they do get it that's not good enough either.
They will try to push somebody else's buttons to give them some reason to be angry with them and finish the relationship of whatever.

There are many other factors but it's my bedtime now. Will think of more tomorrow.
Maybe I should write my own blog about this topic ? uh oh
No need to write another blog on a topic which is already here, Daniela
Hi Molly wave Was just wondering...? hmmm
I actually prefer if there is only one blog on a topic.
Everybody can share their thoughts on that, if the OP is one that allows opposing views, and welcomes all comments.
So do I Molly... so do I. head banger
Freedom of press and speech is still free until further notice. Any gripes and opposing views
either for or against the OP is optional to everyone maybe even to Molly and the rest of the regular cronies here. banana rolling on the floor laughing
Very good read as usual. thumbs up thumbs up thumbs up
Thx John appreciate it
i think it have to do with the persons psyche.. understanding the reason why they get that way might reduce any un necessary emotions and reactions

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