How to maintain a woman

Women require constant maintenance and servicing, some handy information to get the best performance out of a woman is:

Listen to her; she will make various noises, from a gentle purr to outlandish shouting, purr good shouting not! Listen carefully and nod your head and /or make sympathetic noises and this will help with her issues that she wants to describe or rant at you.

Women speak on average 20 000 words a day while men speak just 7000…

Hygiene: This is important; women don’t like a smelly mechanic, and remember you can come across as a stinky bastard in the cyber world too. Always keep your tool clean!

Manners and Etiquette
: This is vital!, acting like a d*ck will ensure that the women loses interest, whether in real life or the cyber world being a narcissist or bully will only attract a woman of the lowest possible class and standard, for some this is adequate but any “relationship” won’t last, and you would have to scrap her, it could be costly to you too. Never compare her to your previous model.

Educated and informed: This is a vital part of woman maintenance, Showing cultural acceptance and being able to converse about current news and situations to family and relationship issues. Keep her manual updated!

Sense of humour : This is important, This does not just mean being witty, It also means not having for example a male hissy fit on the blogs or forums, most people in those locations don’t care about your self-serving woe is me crap, be upbeat, banter and make people laugh. laughing will make her inner engine purr.

Annual Inspection (MOT) Her annual inspection is purely to test that she has been well maintained and serviced, She should be checked for any leaks or other issues daily, these can range from tears to excess verbiage, often, simply washing the dishes will stop leaks.

Wear and tear is something to look out for, twisting her nipples like you are tuning a radio or digging into her inner workings without suitable permissions and essential lubricants will cause your inspection to fail.

If she needs fixing, then fix her, don’t wait until things fall apart, by then it will be too late.

Questions or additions?

Comments (149)

She needs to be fed too, constantly wink

Hola Map applause hug
I think they're more like a printer, no point trying to fix it, the next one will be pretty cheap.
Mimi, yes that's very important, the good wife guide in conjunction with Men and motors state: A cupcake a day (gluten free) keeps the anger at bay.
Pat, true, but no matter how cheap the next one is the bits that go inside (cartilage cartridges) never get cheaper.
Hey Professor Map.. wave

Had been waiting for your enlightening lectures for a long time. Not disappointed!

I'd just like to add that I think maintaining a woman would also by definition include taking interest in her close relatives to an extent.. I've personally known it as one of THE most effective ways to winning her heart. professor
Incu, Long time no see.

Yes taking an interest in her relatives is good, but not her female relatives in a manner that will cause discourse and anger, Sometimes choosing one without many relatives is an option.

One term I like is "Relative Humidity", that's the sweat you get on your scrotum after banging her sister.professor
That's very true, Baig thumbs up

Baiggggggggggggg pointing
are you single.....or.........have you always been single.....or do you wish to remain your research based on fact...or what you have read......jf it is what you have read,i would suggest reading another book......if....this is based on fact.....then would seem, you have been though more woman......then hot dinners......or are you a salad man......????????dunno rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing .......the blind leading the blind......laugh laugh

Wiser words haven't been spoken on the blogs in a very long time! beer
Mr Tru, I have had the privilege of getting to know many many women, and plenty from this very emporium!

I think some chaps here hate or are scared of these fragile but strong female creatures.cheers

I was in the service industry for many years and it's imperative that my Arty treats all the wait staff nice and with respect.

Ok ok, maybe not so much on them pretty and sexy waitresses unless he wants............

Empty eye sockets scold

laugh grin
Mimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii pointing

I knew you'd agree.. grin

Hope you and Art are doing well. hug
Incu, Its either my lectures or a Bible thumper and narcissist dominating these hallowed halls of love and learning.cheers
Its a no-brainer for me Professor.. with you all the way.. cheers
Mimi, My advice, let Art look, he knows he has the best and even if his eyes stray, his heart will always be with you, gouging his eyes out would not be a good idea, he wont be able to appreciate your beauty or cupcakes and chicken feet.hug
map being your only 32 years old.....and looking at your profile pic......I can see you have paid a heavy price during your research....please take some time off and have earn.t that right....thumbs up professor rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

Nevermind the

A well oiled machine purrs...attention to detail is a good thing...


Tru, If I was 32 I'd not be on a singles site, I would be doing stuff like working and bonking, but I did the research so that "age challenged" members would benefit from my hard work.cheers
Lou "A well oiled machine purrs...attention to detail is a good thing...", I agree with that, even minute details need attention or they propagate and spiral out of control. hug
lou/lou.......what oil do you use.....??????wave
Thanks, Baig comfort

Art and I are doing great. Just waiting for the time when I can take over his life completely and boss him around! drinking

Map, why do I have a feeling Art would agree with you there?? grin
Hola Map
Every maintenance is nothing free.
No money no honey. professor laugh

Hi Mimiii.. hug
Hi IncuB handshake
Hi Loulou.. hug
Pat always hits the nail on the head
tru, Lou would be using "love 15w50" topped up with a good Maple syrup for flavour.
Mimi, Art would agree with me because Im right, Im always right, it's the bane of my life.
Kal applause hug

What Map said...cheeky Actually I use Clarins blue flower oil...


Hey there!

Kal, "No money no honey"?, Surely love and kindness and generosity are better than just money? We classify no money no honey as gold diggers in the world of man.

Ded, You are chewing rather loudcheers

Free, Hi there! Pat has a degree in being feminine so he understands the issues well.
Lou, I listen!, Clarins blue flower oil has excellent emollient properties and is a well rounded facial balancing oil.hug
And how would you feed her, Map?
By giving love to the food store owner?
By being kind to the restaurant manager?

Dont tell me that the woman must feed the man, in the so called "man's world". laugh
Kal, Obviously a man would feed, clothe and look after his woman, You just made it sound like if a man didnt have lots of money he was worthless.......In a woman's worldhug

Exactly...a good facial oil keeps years away...I am 51 and no wrinkles...Clarins should give me some credit...sent many people buying that
Lou, You are a credit to Clarins and womanhood, I had to carve my wrinkles with a razor blade, as I used similar products and wasn't manly enough in a facial way.

You do not need a knife to look

That sun of yours will take care of it...but slather yourself with olive oil...very trendy and local I
Lou, Yes the women smother themselves in olive oil, I tend to smother myself in coffee for that rugged tanned look.
Treating a woman as a sentient equal is always good.

Being adept at doing the heavier jobs without having to be asked is definitely a plus.

Tell her you love her regularly, and letting her know you love her by your actions is even more important.
Hiya Kal.. wave

Hope you and the rider are still flying. motorcycle
Molly, I 100% agree with all of those and include taking out the rubbish, helping with the domestics etc.
Hey Molls.. I concur with your points.. the only caveat being the equality thing.. scold

No way can I reach the heights of all things good and pure in a woman.. tongue
msHungry: "to be or not to be lol"(meet us in the quizzes)

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