How to maintain a woman

Women require constant maintenance and servicing, some handy information to get the best performance out of a woman is:

Listen to her; she will make various noises, from a gentle purr to outlandish shouting, purr good shouting not! Listen carefully and nod your head and /or make sympathetic noises and this will help with her issues that she wants to describe or rant at you.

Women speak on average 20 000 words a day while men speak just 7000…

Hygiene: This is important; women don’t like a smelly mechanic, and remember you can come across as a stinky bastard in the cyber world too. Always keep your tool clean!

Manners and Etiquette
: This is vital!, acting like a d*ck will ensure that the women loses interest, whether in real life or the cyber world being a narcissist or bully will only attract a woman of the lowest possible class and standard, for some this is adequate but any “relationship” won’t last, and you would have to scrap her, it could be costly to you too. Never compare her to your previous model.

Educated and informed: This is a vital part of woman maintenance, Showing cultural acceptance and being able to converse about current news and situations to family and relationship issues. Keep her manual updated!

Sense of humour : This is important, This does not just mean being witty, It also means not having for example a male hissy fit on the blogs or forums, most people in those locations don’t care about your self-serving woe is me crap, be upbeat, banter and make people laugh. laughing will make her inner engine purr.

Annual Inspection (MOT) Her annual inspection is purely to test that she has been well maintained and serviced, She should be checked for any leaks or other issues daily, these can range from tears to excess verbiage, often, simply washing the dishes will stop leaks.

Wear and tear is something to look out for, twisting her nipples like you are tuning a radio or digging into her inner workings without suitable permissions and essential lubricants will cause your inspection to fail.

If she needs fixing, then fix her, don’t wait until things fall apart, by then it will be too late.

Questions or additions?

Comments (149)

Biffy, That's a fair swap, I would need your services every few months unless I spill soup on one and have an emergency cover change.hug
My maintenance manual...

The rise of Puss puss galore, has a certain ring to it, I'm sure James Bond shagged someone called pu**y Galore in some film too.
Yes she is a Disney, evil twin/ cheerleaderish robot.
The manual is the last scene of trailer,to fine tune the man.laugh
Map they are like cars, they need upkeep to keep them purring.
Way up those expenses, sometimes a newer model is better with more miles/gallon.
But just remember in a few years she could be a CLASSIC and you've gotten rid of the best ride of your life. Or saved yourself years of pain.dunno
Having read some of your comments mappy man i waited to see the reaction you got roll eyes my oh my.

Mine you ask well i did think if you were a politition you would have got spread all over the papers as it seems slurring females hiding behing jokes does not wash anymore, no matter how adept you are scold roll eyes
Yeah they're exactly like cars. When they get old, you'll save a lot of money by taking them to the tip and walking away.
Morning seated.

User, An classic and best ride is preferable, Newer (younger) models are not made the same way and need a lot more maintenance.
Reddy, Slurring females?, On the contrary, I have said nice things about women, the automotive type descriptions are so that men have a better understanding, however I could write Narcissistic blogs and add religious works if preferred.

Pat, I dont think there is a scrappage scheme for women, Its called setting them free.
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing Oh Mappy Man it is ladies who should have brought you to book by going so far with your man blogroll eyes

Its when they do not that we have a society like today, You can only go so far Mappy man in this day and age.

Most men on here are gentlemen and when they make a joke it is taken as meant, but overall your blogs and comments are old fashioned mens chatter.

Have you seen what is happening around you scold so temper things down i say.

No i did write a blog about women coming out complaining after 6-10 years and shout, they should have come out at the time yelling.

Anyways Mappy man i do know you know just what i meanroll eyes

Just to say i would not do the same for men as i say most on here are gentlemen i would not insult them. Yes a quip with a chuckle but not a whole blog
Ms Redex, Thank you ever so much for your contribution. bouquet teddybear
doh typical you cant help yourselftongue
rear bumper sticker ( on my next vehicle ) `` Old man driving , top speed 45 mph , please stay at least 5 car lengths back , thank u ...Warning - passing me maybe DEADly ... have a great LIFE ``
At 45 mph they' ll be able to read all that in that big 'ole boat you driving.
wink 454 block engine 8 cylinder
If you got the original bumper still.grin
Map be careful shlurring yursh speesh ...sshemaled me .banana
Ashy, Im very eloquent, it was just a note of appreciation, I do not imbibe devil juice apart from a snifter of 10 year old Brandy with my coffee upon a cold winters evening.
wave wanted to send you a pm concerning a book I am reading about Zimbabwe. See SA is not on your mailing list. Not really important so don't worry. Just thought I must maybe explain why I viewed your profile.laugh
Hi ekself, I shall change the settings now.
That was in reference to slurring your lines with females
and caution as to shemales.doh not such silly advice
these days.laugh
Ash, what?....huh, I was bad?, shemales, I dont recall anything about shemales, I have been slated by two women thus far, perhaps Ive overstepped a boundary. No offense intended to women living or dead, any resemblance is purely coincidental, batteries not included.hug
This is right on point??
Map no worries I was probably joking around about a previous comment .
You're messages are always welcome and not for public consumption.

I am just saying I'd rather someone grow on me,than any type of thing
grow on me.I' ll settle for a classic model.
And I always thought they were low-maintenance devices.laugh
make her feel sexy.
girlonaswing, Yes make her feel sexy is another good idea, not often found in the manuals.thumbs up
Your totally right! But there's a difference in Woman who can afford to do so! And besides most men admire our Beauty and at this Age? It certainly takes High Maintenance, Smiling..
Although I am a skilled mechanic I do find that servicing older models is tricky as many parts are worn from the ravages of time and mileage or simply have ceased to work due to neglect and lack of proper maintenance or servicing.

Newer models are just as difficult as parts have not been worn in properly, however, both old and new do share one thing in common. They both have expectations that are beyond the capabilities of any mechanic.
Sola, long time no see, I think you are right, provided older models are regularly serviced and well lubricated they will continue to give us pleasure, we all love squirting man oil on them, so it will work well.cheers
mrskinny2012: "Check me out!"(meet us in the quizzes)

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