How To Read Female Profiles

When we finally get to meet the women of our dreams we are often disappointed because the object in our dreams is not quite as she described herself in her profile. Now don’t get me wrong; I not saying that women are liars, they just speak a different language than men and we often interpret their jargon incorrectly. Please note that I’m not blaming the women for this, the problem is with us.

Ok ladies, this is where you get off the bus; this is for men only. If you read on, it will be at your own risk because this may get vulgar. Don’t complain about it later.

And now that the ladies have left us, I’ll try to give you guys a few guidelines on how to read female profiles. I cannot go through all of it but here are a few good examples of the phrases/words they use in their profiles to describe themselves and what they really mean. If the time permits we can look at what they expect in a partner at afterwards.

When they say – It actually translates to
Accommodating – I take in boarders
Athletic Body – I can lick you any day, so watch your step
Caring – I’m looking after my sickly mother who lives in
Decent – I only curse when it slips out.
Elegant – I usually overdress and overdo make-up
Enjoy good food – I expect to be treated on expensive meals
Flexible – I don’t really know what I want
Friendly – I’m a flirt
Good Humored – I like to hear new dirty jokes
Good Looking – I can see well without specs
Healthy Body – I’m HIV positive but on ARVs
Honest – I only lie when I have to
Like Traveling – I commute to work every day
Literate – I passed Grade 4
Love Animals – I hate men
Modest – I m not a good conversationalist
No Mental Issues – I just blame it all to PMS
Religious – You won’t have sex with me until you promise to marry me
Sensitive – I have a short temper
Serious – I cannot take a joke
Sociable – I play the field
Sophisticated – I drink cheap wine out of fancy glasses
Understanding – I speak several languages
Well Informed – I gossip all the time
Well Read – I have a lot of comic books
Witty – I know a lot of dirty jokes

Sorry guys, we’ll have to cut this short. I think our private meeting had been infiltrated because I can smell Malaysian cupcakes and Irish home baked scones.

Memorize these phrases and their true meanings and you will understand their profiles so much better. I hope it helps.


And as always, you don’t have to pay me for this most valuable advice. I render it as a free service in order to promote a better understanding between the genders.