It Does Not Happen That Way

I’m still surprised at how many people join Connecting Singles believing that the love of their lives is going to drop into their laps over-night. That only happens in fairy land.shock

They don’t seem to realize that to find a partner here, you need to market yourself in a proper way just as you would in the real world? Those who cannot find love in the real world, won’t find it here either. They will only open themselves to scammers.doh

Some try too hard, some are too desperate, some are too full of themselves, some are too placid and some others are just too full of shìt. You have to find a balance in your assault. You cannot hunt a whale with a bow and arrow and you cannot shoot sardines with a harpoon. wow

Telling everybody how desperate and lonely they are will only solicit a little sympathy… and not even much of it which makes me wonder what they really want; sympathy or a partner?uh oh

And by shooting into the bunch, hoping for a random hit by indicating that just anybody will do, is rather lame and will achieve even less. All of us want to be special; chosen, not just another somebody picked in random fashion.flirty

While it is true that CS creates many more opportunities to meet people, you will not get it on a platter. CS only creates the platform from where to operate but when the opportunity presents itself, you have to make the best of it. professor

Yet, getting the attention of the opposite gender is not that difficult. There is no need to be extravagant in anything; actually most people don’t like that. To use that worn-out cliche; just be yourself. The average woman wants an average man and vice versa.grin

If you are neat, not standing out too much in the crowd (being dead normal) and dressed to the occasion, somebody of the opposite gender is bound to show some interest in you no matter where you are; be that a disco, a charity function or a church bazaar. The world is full of single people looking for somebody to share their lives with; all we need to do is to look around to see them.conversing

And I repeat, cruel as it may sound, if you cannot get somebody in real life, it is unlikely that you’re going to succeed here. sigh
cats meow cats meow

A wonderful day to all of ya!wave

Comments (48)

Well, I managed to reel him in with my wily ways! wink devil grin

Hello Catfoot applause hug
hi Mimi
Of course it can be done!. You only need to use the right bait. What did you use?grin

I suppose when you hook a big one like your arty, you need to use a gaff. I hope you did not damage his gills.laugh
Well said Catfoot. Many have unrealistic expectations to the point they ultimately sabotage
their efforts to fail in finding anyone suitable. Many become complacent and just dont care.
Since everyone is obligated to write up a profile and perception of themselves along with a laundry list of the kind of wanker or wankette they think they would like in order to be here most of it
is just BS.
While everyone is being selective in smoothing their ego nobody is really connecting.
A major issue is there is something we think is glamourous finding someone long distance
but gets old fast with the realization you cant shag your partner if they live 1000's of miles away.

Overall, when it comes to relating to one another we often create an image of each other and
that so called ideal mate. Unfortunately, that is not always the reality of ourselves.
Most us are just plain folks to borderline losers and failures. If that is not the case why then
is the majority of the population here divorced?

I can only guess many have personality problems they dont want to admit.
Many will use the blame game of past experiences that their partner cheated on them etc.
It boils down if we cant be a friend to ourselves we cant be a friend to anyone else.

Being angry and defensive and overly selective to the approaches of people will no doubt
alienate rather than bring someone in our lives.
Human nature dictates we are social creatures and want to belong.
Yet we seem to fail at that probably due to past experiences. Nevertheless, nobody can
have a future relationship if they are constantly living in the past. This equally applies to me
as with everyone.

No ideal relationship will just fall in our lap as it requires work to develope one. If people
are not willing to put in the effort or alittle work into what they want then they should get off the
dating sites and work on their own issues first then they can see clearly what they want.
Ooohhhh Catfoot, I know just what he likes! wink giggle

(.) (.) pointing special bait
Cat, wave

Don't be so mean.laugh but I agree, online should be the last resort. I didn't know, and I don't know how to juggle few people at a time. It's not easy.

Catching someone by the collar and asking if he loves me or not is really easy. Fling or a fit, I'd know from the start.grin laugh
Cat, are you trying to start my day on a downer? scold


I both agree and disagree with you.

I agree with you that one needs to go to a bit of trouble and not be complacent. You have to put the work in. This I don't do, so I am not expecting miracles.

Where I don't agree is that you can't find love here. I did. And although we are not together now, we will both be eternally grateful for the existence of CS for bringing us into each other's lives.
I have also met others who were great people, and am still in contact with them too even if we are not in a relationship now.

Maybe I should just pull my finger out and actively start looking. But that won't happen. laugh There used to be a very large contingency from Ireland here before, not anymore. And as I have no intention of having an LDR of any kind, then options are more limited.
I don't know if I will ever meet anybody again on CS, but that doesn't really bother me. I did very well overall, so I can't complain.

I can always mow somebody down with my car, and take him to my shack in the woods to help his recovery. The handcuffs will be for his own protection devil grin
Hi Akel
I have no doubt that many people do get hooked up here. It is a minority that come here expecting miracles.
Hi Mimi,
Good bait!laugh
I am going to take down my photo, don't want to seem to desperate.
Hi Usha,
no I don't think on-line dating should be a last resort. i think it is an excellent way to broaden your friendships. You get to see people in our area that you would never have seen otherwise. And I still believe that most people here a fairly level-headed. Unfortunately a site like this will attract some oddballs too. We just have to learn to recognize them.
Hi Molly
of course you can find love here. what I said is that if you cannot make it it real life, it's very unlikely that you'd find it here. Unless of course if you tidy your act up. grin
Cat, I am even lazier about it in real life doh

Hi Annlee
A profile pic does not make people look desperate. It's the things the say in their blog. We had a perfect example of that last week. That was desperation to the 3rd power times pi squared. And I can almost feel sorry for him because he probably ruins his prospects like that in real life as well.
hi Molly,
but them you're a woman. you are more likely to be headhunted than a guy. We have to make work of it if we wish to succeed. Women do not often make the first move in real life, and even if they do, you still have to do it right or she'll vanish as quickly as she arrived.
That is true too, Cat.
Men have the harder job before the relationship begins.
Women have the harder job afterwards cool laugh
that seems to be a fair distribution of responsibilities; is it not?laugh
Only if it is a short relationship grin

The longer it lasts, the more uneven the distribution is laugh
You make it seem like a one night stand is the ideal relationship. rolling on the floor laughing

I don't like to hunt woman all the time. I prefer one that will linger long after the flavor is chewed out of the gum.
When one is venturing into whatever , they should do it with positive thoughts . Then you would get positive results , everything in the right time .
that is no maybe. but positive thoughts is not enough. We need to do positive things as well. but yes, it all starts with positive thoughts.

But I like negative women as well. It quite pleasant to develop them in a dark room like an old-fashioned Kodak film.devil
Cat, maybe that is the ideal relationship laugh

Or maybe a lot of one-night stands with the same person, so it never gets stale cool
I've never felt relaxed and comfortable on dating sites, except on those where I could meet Japanese. I'm not a member of any at the moment, but while I was - I knew that most men there would be nice, polite and honest and that - even if I didn't meet anyone 'special', I could at least enjoy chatting in Japanese about Japan and make some new friends. purple heart

International dating sites and sites in my native tongue are a different story. Completely unknown people you have nothing in common with contact you because they liked your photo, you never know what their intentions are, if they are real or not, the conversation is forced and artificial... I remember once spending 2 days on 'Tagged' and deleting my profile faster than I made it. laugh

Forums are different from dating sites. People have the opportunity to meet each other in a more relaxed environment. I used to be a member of several forums in the past and met some nice people there - in real life, too. It's different when you start exchanging messages with someone whose posts you read on the forum - it's like you know them already, at least a little. Even if you didn't like their posts much - they are still familiar. Not complete strangers. purple heart

In reality - if you want to meet someone - you have to go out and - meet new people. purple heart The more people you know, the better the chance that you will find someone interesting. It's the same online. Just be around and - sooner or later - you will meet someone. purple heart There's nothing really special you have to do.

For example, on forums and blogs - write what you feel like and what interests you and you will meet people. Of course, you can pretend, you can act, you can write what you think people would like to hear, you can try to be manipulative or controversial or whatever you want - and that would give you MORE attention, but in the end - not REAL attention. The more genuine we are - the better. purple heart

The most important thing is not to have too big expectations. People are sometimes disappointed with the choice they have in their surroundings and expect too much from online dating/friendships. We can certainly meet many interesting people this way, but - after all - most people on such places are average like us and like those in our surroundings. At least, those REAL people. Many people online don't have good intentions or have some serious problems and that should be kept in mind. purple heart

I wrote and wrote, but I didn't say much with this, did I? laugh
laugh @ Maya

At least what you write is always clear and legible grin
I believe that is what I'm in now. A lot of one night stand with the same person;only we call it NSA. It works nice, I'm free to date other women - though I have not and don't plan to at this stage. At least I don't have to go hunting; she appears to be permanently assigned to me - until further notice.

I can tell you that I don't really like it. If it was not such fun being with her I would have kicked her a** long time ago.doh

Btw,I must go to the supermarket. I have no bread in the house and need a few other things too.
Hi Maya,
Clear and well presented. I don't think I can differ from you. And I think your English is very good.thumbs up
Yeah Cat, it is not for me either blues

I wish it were, I think life would be much simpler

But I like the feeling of being in a real relationship
Hi Molly
Ah, I'm back!

I prefer the commitment and above all the sense of belonging. I think deep in our hearts we all do.
Cat, you wouldn't say that if you say the amount of men's profiles who are only looking for a shag laugh
I won't know. I seldom read profiles and in the rare cases when I do, it certainly won't be a man's profile.laugh
Eishhh! I don't even read my own.laugh
Well, when you get an email saying 'Hi..up for some fun?'

You then check their profile to confirm they just want a shag

Usually I don't bother checking...I know!
Yesterday about this time the temperature in my abode was 18C. Now it is 30C. Time 6:50 pm. I'm sitting in my scants and hope nobody is going to call on me. Wanna Skype?laugh
Damn, if only I used Skype.... laugh
just as well, I don't have skype installed either, I don't even know if my webcam is still working.laugh
Te word Webcam simply isn't in my dictionary cool
A standard built in accessory (with a mike) on most laptops; along with Bluetooth and WiFi..laugh
I'll use the Wifi...the rest can disappear from my vocabulary again

if people want to see me, they can see me in real life, or not at all
Same here. Use the Bluetooth occasionally to transfer pics from my phone to the laptop. and to back-up my phone's contacts and settings. Less schlep than a cable.
Thanks, Molly and Catfoot. hug
My pleasure entirely. When a compliment is due, it is due.

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