Ever Been Beaten Up By A Woman?
Well, I have.
I picked her up… No! She picked me up in a pub one night. We were playing pool. We were the usual six and four wives. I was newly divorced from my second wife and our gay friend never brings his other half when we get together at a public place.
It was a Thursday in the middle of the month and the pub was empty when we walked in, except for this woman. The place had a U-shaped bar counter and she sat on the other side of it. An attractive woman and she kept on looking at me. Then she stood up, went to the toilet and while I was playing she came out at sat down on my bar stool where my jacket was hanging.
When I finished my turn I walked towards her to fetch my drink and my jacket but she stood up and sat down on the next bar stool. She was a good looking woman. Honey blond hair with a tinge of red in it, the most beautiful large blue eyes, a petite nose with a few small freckles across it, and a full mouth with very kissable lips. She was well proportioned and maybe an inch taller than I; introduced herself as Vlam which translates to Flame in English. That was when I made three mistakes in quick succession; I chatted her up, I bought her a drink and I agreed to take her home when we were done playing.
We finally left and when we were both in the car she told me it was too late for her to go home. I took her home with me. She stayed for three days, living in my track suits and feeding me with the biggest load of bullshit stories on earth. Among others she told me she was a truck driver. Yep, a truck driver! Methinks her husband was probably the truck driver.
On the Sunday morning she asked me to take her to the station. She had to go back to work; said she’d call me when she’s back again. She came back a few days later and again stayed a few. This routine was repeated four times and then the last time her visit coincided with a braai (BBQ) at my place. We were the usual crowd again. Bea was married at the time and she was also there with her husband.
At some stage Vlam cornered me and said that I pay too much attention to my friends’ wives and I told her that she’s not my steady girlfriend and if she wants to stake claims like that, she’d have to be available much more regularly. She looked at me with venom in her eyes and let fly with the fist, hitting me on the left eye. She immediately turned her back on me, bent down and covered her head with her arms.
I stood there flabbergasted. Shit, this is not happening. Did she really hit me? A woman! I felt something running down my face; when I touched it I realized it was blood. I was still too surprised to move and when she discovered that I’m not going to retaliate, she came up and hit me square on the other eye. More blood! This bìtch knew where to hit! She was getting ready to punch me again but by then my friends smothered and restrained her while I stood there bleeding like a pig.
The police came and took her away but released her the next day when I did not want to press charges. I was not going to stand in a full court telling everybody how a woman beat me up. She simply fell off the map and frankly, if I never have to see that woman again it will still be a millennium too soon.
I hope your Monday is not blue.
Comments (68)
Hot-tempered, that is
U poor thing Cat.
Serious anger, jealous and control issues going on with this woman.
How long ago did this happen?
That was in August 2003. The date is fairly easy to remember because my divorce was finalized just the week before. It looked worse than what it was; just a lot of blood. It did not even hurt. Only one stitch on the left eye bank. The other wound did not require stitching. As I said, she knew where to hit.
And she was used to it. The way she took evasive action after the first blow showed it. And used to being hit back.
Did she make any attempt at an apology.
U know before me condemning her, she obvs had serious problems....but u dont take them out on innocent people...or anyone.
Did u see any sign this was coming Cat...
I was brought up not to hit women and I won't hit back if another woman should hit me but If I should ever run into this woman again and if she takes a swipe at me again, I will hit her back. If she wants to fight like a man then she can get effed up like a man. I won't use my fists though. The problem is where do you hit a woman? They have no place to hit. A man is easy, you just hit him on the snot box and he cannot see.
So I'd probably be just standing there again.
We all misjudge a character sometimes.
I'm a shameless flirt and when I'm unattached, which I was at the time, I flirt with their wives all the time. They know me and accept me like that. This woman was not my girlfriend, I never invited her and I owed her nothing. She had no claim on me. But I did not ignore her. I flirted with her as well and she got more of my time than the wives. She was just possessive on something she did not own.
It would have been nice if everybody had labels on their foreheads to describe them. I wonder what my label would have said.
'GLUTTON'
You were lucky it wasn't me coz I use only iron cast skillet!
I did not call her anything.
I merely said that if she wants to make herself look like one it is her own business. I'd never call her a tart or anything else.
Mimi gave me a good idea.
I'll know what to use next time.
I asked you three time to take it out
You sound like my first wife now. If you hit me, I'll hit you back. We taught you how to fight.
She has whupped a guy or two along the way.
That's my Li'l Girl!
My daughters had this thing when they were in their teens to pin me down on the bed to tickle me. I'm not ticklish but I always played along not to disappoint them.
Nah, just to the supermarket. See ya soon.
Didnt want to assume all along.
Of my forty eight years of adult life, I spent only ten (in two stints of five) years in holy matrimony. So thirty eight years on the prowl. Yes, you can say I have been through the mill.
Call it experience.
Agreed.. In our modern life, women more and more need to be able to give some account of themselves. even if it just to stall until the cavalry arrives.
I won't call it checkered. Apart from one or two mishaps, I have led an exemplary life. Remember I was in tertiary education and as such often in open view. Parents entrust their children to you and you are being scrutinized very carefully
since when have my blogs stayed on track.
Even the two of us have strayed much further than that. I must be the only one here to hijack my own blogs.
Kind of anyway
I remember it like yesterday; I did not see the first blow.
I heard one of the other women yelling out aloud
When I looked up and saw you standing there, blood running down your face.
She came around and hit you on the other eye
You did not even try to avoid it. You just stood there.
I wanted to run to your aid but my husband stopped me.
Then the men arrived.
Sure you are on track but I got the impression that you accused Miclee of straying. I must have been mistaken
I was too surprised. I could not believe what was happening.
You're quiet today. Your blog yesterday?
No, I'm very busy today.
Must go again, my boss just pulled up.
Taking a stranger to your home and you came out alive :
She conned me into it very neatly. By the time I learned that she could not go home (probably another lie) she was in the car. I could not bloody well pull her out the car. At that stage I still believed her. To me she was the proverbial damsel in distress. And I did feel a little guilty. We played longer than anticipated but she never told me that she's got a 'deadline' to meet. She played me like a fiddle.
I did not know that then. She did not tell me that she planned to stay over until the Sunday.
I know you only too well by now. I'm explaining for the benefit of others.
Thats good then.
When I first came here I was very touchy. the slightest thing could upset me and I was so worried about what people thought. now that I have completed my apprenticeship. things are different.
but then you get many different apprenticeships. What trade are you trying to master.
That is their problem, not yours.