Loneliness - looking in the wrong direction

Everyone is lonely when they don’t feel love but we cover our loneliness and lack of love by keeping busy, doing endless activities and also by resenting someone; anger can be used to drown out the need for love.
It’s quite easy to say “I am not lonely, I like my own company” but really this is a cover up and stops us trying to connect with others. The reason for this is that love is our natural state before life gets its hands on us and we have to grow up. We want to feel the love of another but often we pretend this is not so and find a pet or a hobby as a substitute.
The truth is we all desire love but many people suppress the feeling because they cannot find it. Thinking about needing someone to love and be loved by can be quite depressing when the need cannot be satisfied, so better to be busy and not think about it. Why is it so many people are experiencing depression today or are just not happy with life? The simple answer is they do not feel love. It’s not possible to feel love and be depressed at the same time. That’s like standing in the heat of the sun and feeling cold.
The desire for love is inherent in everyone because love means we are wanted, are cared for and that we are precious. Without these needs being satisfied, what are we? Answer – lonely and sad.
The trouble is, we accept being lonely and not loved as a by-product of life, a natural consequence of it, and we consider it something really special if we find love with another, or indeed with others. Being lonely and not loved seems to be normal and being loved is that which is special but shouldn’t it be the other way round? Shouldn’t love be normal and being unloved as something which is a unique event and special in that it shouldn’t happen?
What we should understand about loneliness is that it should only last as long as to show us that we don’t like it, and not a moment longer. Once we realise we don’t like being lonely and without love, we should do everything in our power to address this and change it. That doesn’t mean going crazy on dating sites to find that ‘special partner’ or ‘soul mate’ but that we realise that if you feel that way, and millions of others do too, there is something majorly wrong with how we are leading our lives all round the world. It’s an epidemic illness which goes unnoticed. Therefore, we have to be the doctors attending to our own illness and the illness of others too.
The answer must be to find out where love comes from and how we can make it an energy force which we can use, not just hope for. Hoping for love to come along is like hoping for a train to arrive if we don’t know if we are on the right platform.
The thinking tends to be that if two lonely people find each other and create love, then that is a wonderful thing and would be so if the love lasted for always but as we know, unfortunately so often it doesn’t. Meanwhile millions of lonely unloved people search for the answer and many sadly give up without succeeding. However, if we don’t find love in one way, perhaps we are looking in the wrong direction? We are on the wrong platform.
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Comments (12)

A lovely blog! heart wings

I think that if our heart is open to love and we simply try to be around people - offline, online - love will find us, sooner or later. smile

But, sometimes, we are not open to love. We are still hurt from previous disappointments, scared of being hurt again or exhausted in some previous relationship and feel like we have no love to give any more. This phase happens, but it passes. It always passes, just we need to give ourselves some tome to recover.

I think that human heart can always regenerate and love again. It just needs time. smile
You need not find love and love need not find you. You are love. You are surrounded by love all the time. When the love that are you recognize the love in your surroundings you can never feel unloved again. The love all are seeking is mostly temporary love that seldom lasts. Not having that is no major problem. Feel the love inside you. Then look at things around you with that love. Look at people with the love inside you....not with your eyes or your mind as only the love inside you can see the love around you.
Too hard to explain sigh
Not having everything on your own terms is the price you have to pay to avoid loneliness. But everyone seems rather proud of their independence as though managing to stay alive was a great feat in the 21st century western world.
Nice blog.

It would be simple if those who suffer from depression could be cured by the feeling of being loved. I don't know if it is that simple though.
Bun....a nice read. thumbs up
I agree with Ek entirely ! thumbs up

In fact...I've just explained that on my last blog about finding Love and Peace within yourself..and not outside.

As Ek says...love is all around.smitten
Hi Krinka,
Thank you, I agree, one should have a heart which is open to love but as you say, often it is our past which overshadows our feelings.

Ekself, I totally agree with you, although feeling the love inside is by no means easy, it's all a bit nebulous. I think total appreciation of life, whatever it brings, really helps.

ChesneyChrist, yes, our independence creates a lot of our loneliness.

Molly Baby, Thanks. I think depression is often a reaction to a world of trouble and without love. Sensitive people are especially prone.

Cheers Johnny.
thumbs up
Molly ~ I believe Depression and inner loneliness is most definitely [in most cases, even clincial] a feeling of being alienated from the World. A feeling [beneath the bravado] of being unloveable, and therefore unloved.
Psychiatists and lectures on Depression say to get a Dog, and yes Dogs give unconditional love.
I do think for many people who don't want the fast paced, Media obsessed, materialistic world they in, they can feel very isolated at times, different, and may only have a handfu. of people who really understand that they are nice people and also fun too. In the meantime, they feel unloved, so they isolate creating worse depression. As soemebody who suffers, I know something about it. and you are right, 100% it is about not feeling loveable or loving the self. [alot comes from childhood].
Excuse typos. Laptop not working !doh
Akeldama 40 ~ great reply. Makes for good reading.thumbs up
Mercedes ~ I love company, lots of fun, banter, craic, but afterwards, I am happy to come home to solitude, does this make me odd? It is not a fear of rejection, [had lots of that], but I am content in my own company to snuggle up with the Cat and read a book, to garden, to even watch good T.V. I can just be in complete silence and be happy. That is if I am not feeling low. Some people DO think that is odd and my last big relationship, my lover thought me odd for liking silence and to alone, just painting or doing something without need for a lot of music in the background, but that's me, especially as I get older.

I love loud music too though, and dancing, head banger A dichotomy, a contradiction. I do believe the more normal people pretend to be on their profile, the less I believe them. wave
Merc. I refuse to go to a Gym as their germ infested and people look at my stomach [after lots of ops], secondly, I hate Smartphones, so I have a simple block mobile. I refust to let it dominate me, so I leave it at home when going out to meet friends or even shop. So I am in the same boat. I do have other social media but not the same.
I think keep the conversations v short. get to a meeting asap. After a certain stage in life, we can tell the profile is a 'sell speil' and the real person is often totally different with a profile pic that was 10years old. Mine is recent, with shiny nose. So what he sees is what he gets. Hungry and tired waiting for Tradesman to fix boiler so going to have some toast and butter and tea. REally do wish I could send some to Elkself. sigh
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Bunyi888

Bunyi888

Deal, Kent, England, UK

For over eight years I’ve been living and working in China, an English teacher. I also have spent six months living in Nepal, where I planned to do some voluntary teaching but it didn’t work out; instead spent the time lazing around beautiful Pokhara [read more]

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created Mar 2018
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