Loneliness - looking in the wrong direction
Everyone is lonely when they don’t feel love but we cover our loneliness and lack of love by keeping busy, doing endless activities and also by resenting someone; anger can be used to drown out the need for love.It’s quite easy to say “I am not lonely, I like my own company” but really this is a cover up and stops us trying to connect with others. The reason for this is that love is our natural state before life gets its hands on us and we have to grow up. We want to feel the love of another but often we pretend this is not so and find a pet or a hobby as a substitute.
The truth is we all desire love but many people suppress the feeling because they cannot find it. Thinking about needing someone to love and be loved by can be quite depressing when the need cannot be satisfied, so better to be busy and not think about it. Why is it so many people are experiencing depression today or are just not happy with life? The simple answer is they do not feel love. It’s not possible to feel love and be depressed at the same time. That’s like standing in the heat of the sun and feeling cold.
The desire for love is inherent in everyone because love means we are wanted, are cared for and that we are precious. Without these needs being satisfied, what are we? Answer – lonely and sad.
The trouble is, we accept being lonely and not loved as a by-product of life, a natural consequence of it, and we consider it something really special if we find love with another, or indeed with others. Being lonely and not loved seems to be normal and being loved is that which is special but shouldn’t it be the other way round? Shouldn’t love be normal and being unloved as something which is a unique event and special in that it shouldn’t happen?
What we should understand about loneliness is that it should only last as long as to show us that we don’t like it, and not a moment longer. Once we realise we don’t like being lonely and without love, we should do everything in our power to address this and change it. That doesn’t mean going crazy on dating sites to find that ‘special partner’ or ‘soul mate’ but that we realise that if you feel that way, and millions of others do too, there is something majorly wrong with how we are leading our lives all round the world. It’s an epidemic illness which goes unnoticed. Therefore, we have to be the doctors attending to our own illness and the illness of others too.
The answer must be to find out where love comes from and how we can make it an energy force which we can use, not just hope for. Hoping for love to come along is like hoping for a train to arrive if we don’t know if we are on the right platform.
The thinking tends to be that if two lonely people find each other and create love, then that is a wonderful thing and would be so if the love lasted for always but as we know, unfortunately so often it doesn’t. Meanwhile millions of lonely unloved people search for the answer and many sadly give up without succeeding. However, if we don’t find love in one way, perhaps we are looking in the wrong direction? We are on the wrong platform.
Comments (12)
I think that if our heart is open to love and we simply try to be around people - offline, online - love will find us, sooner or later.
But, sometimes, we are not open to love. We are still hurt from previous disappointments, scared of being hurt again or exhausted in some previous relationship and feel like we have no love to give any more. This phase happens, but it passes. It always passes, just we need to give ourselves some tome to recover.
I think that human heart can always regenerate and love again. It just needs time.
Too hard to explain
It would be simple if those who suffer from depression could be cured by the feeling of being loved. I don't know if it is that simple though.
In fact...I've just explained that on my last blog about finding Love and Peace within yourself..and not outside.
As Ek says...love is all around.
Thank you, I agree, one should have a heart which is open to love but as you say, often it is our past which overshadows our feelings.
Ekself, I totally agree with you, although feeling the love inside is by no means easy, it's all a bit nebulous. I think total appreciation of life, whatever it brings, really helps.
ChesneyChrist, yes, our independence creates a lot of our loneliness.
Molly Baby, Thanks. I think depression is often a reaction to a world of trouble and without love. Sensitive people are especially prone.
Cheers Johnny.
Psychiatists and lectures on Depression say to get a Dog, and yes Dogs give unconditional love.
I do think for many people who don't want the fast paced, Media obsessed, materialistic world they in, they can feel very isolated at times, different, and may only have a handfu. of people who really understand that they are nice people and also fun too. In the meantime, they feel unloved, so they isolate creating worse depression. As soemebody who suffers, I know something about it. and you are right, 100% it is about not feeling loveable or loving the self. [alot comes from childhood].
I love loud music too though, and dancing, A dichotomy, a contradiction. I do believe the more normal people pretend to be on their profile, the less I believe them.
I think keep the conversations v short. get to a meeting asap. After a certain stage in life, we can tell the profile is a 'sell speil' and the real person is often totally different with a profile pic that was 10years old. Mine is recent, with shiny nose. So what he sees is what he gets. Hungry and tired waiting for Tradesman to fix boiler so going to have some toast and butter and tea. REally do wish I could send some to Elkself.