When your kids disapprove ...

Mothering Sunday in the UK, hope all the UK mums are being spoiled with, at the very least, a lie-in and a tidy house when they get up bouquet

Not a word from my daughter. Oh well. She's furious about me moving to Spain but she's been furious with me for a few years now. Becoming a full-time writer was bad. Joining a dating website was bad. Having an LDR with lots of holidays together was really bad, she was hugely relieved when that was over and she thought I would settle down and become normal again. (As if)

We came over for a week's holiday last year so she could see the Casa Eccentrica before I bought (she's my only heir, she'll be inheriting it) and she said she hated Spain and absolutely hated the house and that's sort of been it.

It's a very odd feeling, having your kids disapprove of you. Anyone else experienced it? Almost a role reversal, where she's the tut-tutting adult and I'm the unruly teenager. doh

Parenting of older kids is a background support role, parents should be waiting patiently in the wings until and if needed, and I am, I really am. It's just that while I'm waiting patiently to be needed I'm getting on with my life my own way.


Comments (33)

My 2 brats disapprove of my really lame jokes!! mumbling

They do this roll eyes roll eyes
Oh, that's normal laugh Teenagers. Huh. roll eyes

Don't you miss the days when they giggled delightedly at them, though? rolling on the floor laughing
Oh! Happy Mother’s Day, Biff teddybear
Ta, Mimi, it's really confusing that the UK celebrates on a different day to the entire rest of the western world laugh

Do you do mother's day, is it a big thing, small thing, not a thing?
Good morning, Biff.

Mimi! reunion

Biff, I guess most kids, including adult ones, have an ideal of what their parents should act like, and do.
Depending then on the open or narrow-mindedness of the child, they will react accordingly when the parent strays from that ideal.
I guess it's too late to ask my Mom how she felt when I disapproved of her choices. Wish I read this blog when she was still around.
And it's your fault, Biff! very mad

Have a grand Mothers Day, you two, lovely Moms! kiss
Driving. Traffic lights. Talk later xx
Mothers day. roll eyes

Nothing but a Sentimental Scam. uh oh

And time to punctuate so perfectly laugh

Bloody perfectionists mumbling
I’m home honey!!! rolling on the floor laughing

Molly reunion

Thanks, Kal hug bouquet

NS boxing laugh
Hi Molls wave my parents divorced when my mum was fifty and I encouraged her to date again. But yes I was slightly horrified by both men she dated and very relieved when she stopped rolling on the floor laughing

Hi Kal wave lots of comments on FB from people missing their mums. I miss mine as she was - wouldn't want her - for her own sake - to be alive now.

Maybe I could redeem myself by dying mumbling

Non, yup, in years past I got flowers delivered and a card and I always thought that was OTT. Like I said in the blog, though, a lie-in and no mess to get up to was a lovely thought, even if only once a year laugh

This blog not supposed to be about me,I was hoping I wasn't the only parent glowered at. So far I am. sigh
Must go do chores and paint stuff and make sure the house is in a state for her to sell before I drop dead.

Later, gators xx
Happy Mother's Day Biff. bouquet

My parents weren't always happy with my choices (but I don't think I was too far out). Anyway, hasn't stopped me from making them and they have never stopped their support to me.

Mum thankfully has found new hobbies and says she is willing to help with the teens, but she wasn't willing to bring up the kids full-time. Mum and my siblings all live at the home place and selling that up would be unimaginable for us, but it's not the case with your place in Scotland. Sounded that you would have moved anyway and what you do with your job and love life is your own business (I presume she didn't asked you when she moved jobs or started a relationship?

I can image that it hurts and it's not fair from your daughter. You don't do these things to hurt or inconvenience her and what you do with your life and your happiness is your business. She doesn't change her life to cater to you and can't expect the same from you.

Hope she sees sense before you drift apart too far. hug

Much happiness to you Biff. wine
Sounds exactly like mine : biffcrying

Im sorry to hear there is a rift between u and ur daughter.
Im not a mother so can only give a thought from your daughters perspective.
Theres been times as an adult where i havnt 'approved' of my mothers actions...but it never made me love her less.

Its hard to sit back and just be there if needed as u say ... but if ye are both easy to anger then it maybe the only thing u can do for now.

Go out and treat yourself for being a good mother....dont wait for it.
Straight away I thought of that Mark Twain line
(paraphrasing - When I was a kid I could hardly stand my father, but when I was 21 I was amazed how much he'd learned).

My sister has a similar relationship to the one you seem to have with your daughter, the difference being my mum is sick. - My sis got married in December and the only thing she could say to my mum was to give out to her for wearing trainers to the breakfast the morning after.

Sometimes kid's need to grow the hell up and have a little compassion.
Hi Biff, settle down and become normal laugh

When having a conversation with my son. he has only done it a few times but will bring up my past and what do you say other than I don't want you to make the same mistakes.dunno

I don't know for sure but I don't think that ever worked. laugh
Ms elegsabiff, I don't believe this is about you moving to Spain or being a writer or even joining a dating site. What I do believe, is it's a much deeper issue that's presented, something that you have yet to be made aware of....like divorcing her dad...just an example. I believe a heart to heart is in order, and maybe a counselor to assist in breaking down the self-imposed wall that your daughter has built.

The key word that initiated my response was 'Furious'......that's a very deep seated adjective....
We’ll just tweak the name of this day to Sister Blogger Day. Happy SB day, Biff! You bring lots of joy and laughter to lots of people through this platform. I appreciate you! bouquet teddybear hug
KN thank you and a bouquet to you too, you deserve it laugh bouquet I'm not exactly leading an exotic life but she married into a very boring conventional family and I don't think that helps as she is constantly being asked what I am up to now, as though I am some kind of oddity. Me!

Emmy, you a rebel too? Good girl! hug

Deedee, thanks! - we've never quarrelled about it as such. She's just closed me out, it stings, and it is meant to sting. But the move to Spain was just a final straw, there's been a distance for a while. I'm not the mother she would have chosen - maybe that anyone would have chosen uh oh and yet I think if I really needed her, she'd come through. I hope she knows the reverse will always be true.

Getting on with close family is a gift, not a right
A rebel, in my own quiet way. YES. She tells everyone I deserted her mmmmm I did.
Stillnot - nothing said at weddings counts, because they are the most stressful times EVER. I'm sorry to hear about your mum, hope things improve hug I like the Twain quote thumbs up the more sayings of his I hear the more I realise I have to start reading this guy, how did I read so much in my life and yet not come across him?

Wen, I think it is definitely time we heard more about your racy past popcorn

Seaworthy, "furious" was misleading, apologies. She is "disapproving". I don't think she would be interested in counselling, she's fine with the status quo. We've had occasional serious talks - she does get the wrong end of the stick and fret about things. It worries me - but I can't push for the talks, just wait for them to pop up, sometimes out of nowhere. One example, she said she hated it that I told people her father was gay. Say WHAT????? Well, she said, I tell people his brother is gay. Well - he is. So she said (she was in her late teens, in her defence, at this point) - if one brother is gay, everyone knows the other one is too. Oh dear. So that was a serious conversation.

Gypsy, brilliant suggestion, happy SB day to you too and ditto in spades, I love that you're back! teddybear
Oh Emmy comfort deserted her completely or just be elsewhere but on standby for when needed? It's bizarre how two people involved in the same situation can view it through totally different eyes.
Oh I'm on standby lol
Emmy, that weird time in a parent's life where you aren't needed, mustn't interfere, but be waiting ready to spring into action ... frustrated

Happy SB day bouquet
me im not bothered what kids think they come and go suit themselves is normal I thinks they come back when they wants something or broken relationship brings them around looking for sympathy .. I suppose
JJ yup.

Just - it would be nice to have her cheering me on, you know? Even just 'hey mum have fun, see you whenever, take care'

Anyway the day is over now. Her wedding anniversary in a few days. I'll be the bigger person - I'll leave a message on FB laugh
Biff, she should have.

Whether she agrees with your lifestyle choices or not is irrelevant. You're still her mam and that is what should count.

Here's a virtual hug for mother's day from me instead hug
Oh thank you poppet hug and it wouldn't have been an easy day for you

I definitely think a teddybear is called for here teddybear

And now over and out n'night
Here's a bear back teddybear

(That sounded s*xual laugh )
Happy Mothering Sunday to you El.

Since we are Anglican, we had it here too. But my daughters say I have to wait till May. Apparently, since I don't go to church mothering Sunday doesn't apply to me . laugh

But my weekend was gone for mothering anyway.mumbling Wedding dress designers, florists and all the menu's and all.

Children are selfish.sigh
It's typical for our children not to disapprove of things that we.
Usha, what did I miss, one or more of your daughters getting married? How exciting! how exhausting! laugh I didn't realize you were also Anglican, funny thing, when I got to Scotland it isn't called that but Episcopalian (I think that is its name in the US too) and Scottish ones are known as piskies. Now how's that for a really useful fact?

BW, I once heard it said, a mother's place is in the wrong. So be it.

"PLAY NOW: Three Bags"(meet us in the games)

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