Very sad indeed

Reviewing various female profiles and their perception of self and the quality of men they seek It's rather sad when they preach about how loving caring they claim to be and love their God and their Jesus etc. Then place their unrealistic expectations of potential mates that they must be this or that or love God the same way they see him.. Or list all the things they don't want in a relationship such as they don't want abusers or drunks or a loser without a job etc. Yet, rarely do we see anyone suggest what they do want. Such a nice gentleman or lady who is honest with themselves and to have a real connection with someone. Or they want open communication, fairness something in common etc. I know everyone has their own idea of a friendship and or relationship. However, if you convey a message of past hurts and past relationship failures in one breath and preach about how you may love your God the next what kind of message of contradiction is that? Even God said you can't serve two masters without favoring one over the other. One cannot be dictating that everyone must love God according to an individual's perception then attack everyone that says hello or points out their mixed message of the kind of friend they seek. Where is the empowerment in that? Women want to be empowered and wear the pants today but, part of that responsibility is not attack those trying to reach out to them. It kind of defeats the purpose of seeking a friend in my opinion. Hence, people should be careful what they ask for and what they project out there for we tend to attract what we think of ourselves in our anger and in our joy. If you want to draw love into your life offer love without fear, without using past hurts or judgment. Look at the dysfunction we see in the world today. On the brink of nuclear war, mass shootings and natural disasters. Is this the kind of world people want? If we can't learn to love in our immediate community we can't love anyone online or 4000 miles across the ocean. Oh we can play superficial love and games and offer selective coyness to one another but at the end of the day when we want to curl up with someone and snuggle but left in an empty cold bed we realize our value to anyone and everyone. Something to ponder and criticize in your travels.

Comments (25)

Is it not better to know in advance of their priorities; their needs; their wants, etc., rather than find out when you are emotionally invested?

I know to avoid anybody who says they are god-fearing; full of love for all the world; empaths; and a few other choice words.
Ummm...it all sounds very familiar...uh oh

Those who list all their DON'Ts
Are the ones I avoid like the plague! grin

If they say they don't want abusers..alcoholics or whatever is usually because they've had such relationships in the past.dunno

And it's probably what they will attract because..when asking for something...the negative is not recognised..but only the positive in order to attract same.

E.g. instead of saying : I don't want an alcoholic ...they should say they want someone who looks after their health.

Comprendes?


Anyway...don't worry...one needs to kiss many frogs before finding a princess!

Or...one needs to get rid of their inner demons before attracting an angel
Akeldama, the fact is that when one describes himself or herself, that is exactly how they feel and know themselves. Who are we to question that?

Now as a prospective partner to be, it is up for you to find it out yourself. If you find early enough that their descriptions of themselves are a mile away from your truth, then voila, don't pursue any further effort to get to know them. My two cents.
Akeldama40
Knowing motives and intent is an obvious concern. If individuals here have a hard enough time making friends usually they put up a defense until proven otherwise. Yes unfortunately nobody can be taken at face value anymore. Yet, people still want to be given a benefit of a doubt.
I agree with that! thumbs up
An appropriate quote:

"Your task is not to seek for love...
But merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it"
Rumi.
Deedee123x
Theres not much on my profile regarding wants and dont wants...other than...i dont want emails...stop emailing me....

But generally i wouldnt anyways, that all comes in the natural order of a relationship and getting to know someone
Krinka
I read profiles just to try to determine if someone's profile is real or not. Otherwise, I'm very well aware that it is hard to write anything about yourself and your potential match and that everything you write will sound either pretentious or superficial or unrealistic. My favourite ones are short funny profiles. smile Mine is also true - nice and polite men will in general get a reply. smile
pat8lanips
People write what they think others would like to read. We're all a bit unrealistic I think, lets face it the type we're all after has no need to be on a free dating site.
goldengloss
Daniela ~ Nice quote from Rumi. I guess a big turn off for me would be a man who describes himself as very good looking or Extremely handsome. Isn't that for others to decide?

thumbs up
Akeldama40
Goldengloss I could never describe myself as handsome or whatever. I pretty much despise the way I look and feel due to self esteem issues much like others who may be in denial of their perception of self. Yet, I am the first to praise the beauty of most women I encounter and find they are not too impressed because they seek more than just fancy bullshit from men who will only blow sunshine up their a** only to learn that most men are not what they are cracked up to be. Where true beauty lies in personality. The inner person and if you are considered an a**hole by most people then it is something to fix.
Bitterness anger of past failed relationships projected in their thinking and written in their profiles and in their heart can make a beautiful flower seem very ugly very quickly.
People may complain why they can't find anyone to play with perhaps they need to change their attitude and it starts with the message they convey in their profiles. All the blogs and forums anyone can write can become contradictory to what we read about people and what they say about themselves.
No doubt if everyone was placed in the same room at a party their image they place online would not necessarily match what they are like in person. All of us at one time have to face the real world outside of this site. Whether we are out and about shopping or working or wandering around aimlessly conducting other business we take our face and personality with us wherever we go. Those who know us personally know our dark secrets at one point or another. Here on this site and any dating site we can create any idea of ourselves and image and make ourselves larger than life than we really are.
Behind the bullshit people may not be the holier than thou they claim to be. Only their god knows for sure. We can list a bunch of things we really are not and it doesn't matter because nobody cares and nobody is ever going to go out of their way for anyone.
Usually the things we list of the type of person we want in our love life is the kind of person we want to become.
However, if it feeds us a moment of ego inflation and we can hide our tears our fears and some self loathing then this site served its purpose.
platosha
Hi, Akeldama, I agree with you on general.. someone's one can read the profile and understand what emotional state of this person.. Whenever I see that they describe themselves as god fearing and they are looking for also God fearing someone - I pass.. that's in most cases are scammers or religious fans that I am trying to avoid.. plenty fake profiles here too.. But real people have genuinely interesting profiles and am enjoying reading them.. i liked your profile too by the way.. wave.Love is what we all need! And Peace peace
If someone writes on their profile....

"First impression determines much about us. Communication Compassion Understanding Flexibility..."

... which are basic qualities, then one would expect to find these in the first communication exchanges since the first impression determines much about us...dunno hmmm


"It's rather sad when they preach about how loving caring they claim to be..."
... and then you find out later that they have none of the above qualities.. sigh
Johnny_Sparton
Hello Ak,

When I see a list in a woman's profile, I get this gut feeling that they are a very demanding person. I don't like being demanded. I rather enjoy my freedom. That same freedom can also be enjoyed with the right person.
Looks like the OP has disappeared. Too bad, I wanted to give him some much needed advice regarding the use of the comma.laugh
Don´t worry Ooby, he´ll be back. I´ve already given him advice about punctuation but.... he just doesn´t want to know! frustrated
If women told you what they wanted directly then you might pretend to be it. The problem with low self-esteem is that it's more realistic and the mistake is to take what women say seriously.
Akeldama40
I admit, I am not good in sentence or grammar structure. Hence, (comma) people will just have to put up with my run on sentences and lack of paragraphs!!!
Of course, it makes it hard to read because of that. Nevertheless, it is something I must work harder on if I want to write my lame a** ideas here.

Plus for Daniela's sake, I am also aware of my own contradictions of thought. So, I don't want to constantly be picking on the women here as I am no better. I am probably worse because, those who know me enough would tell me to clean my own closet out first before looking at others.

Each and everyday it gets harder and harder to understand the world of CS at least for me. Many of us probably live in glass houses throwing stones at each other in one form or another for its our nature.

Maybe, throwing hearts and flowers to show gratitude for those who do give a crap about us instead of kicking them in the teeth for their kindness is something I need to work on.
The CS world is not only hard for you my dear friend, but for MOST of us here!

And... many of us have given up since the world of algorithms has taken over.
We don't know who is whom anymore! doh grin

It is not 100 frogs you have to kiss in order to find a prince/princess..... but around 100.000 or one million. !!! - if that´s any consolation? laugh
goldengloss
Akeldama ~ Apologies for late reply. I have been to Dentists and specialists of late so only saw your
reply to my post now.
I agree, very very few people are vulnerable enough [a word that now has negative connotations in this 'cool' world of ours ], afraid to appear shy, or a little ill at ease in the company of somebody they fancy. Being just who you are, and that can mean changing to an angry person when we see injustices or insults or others being hurt, and then tenderness when dealing with somebody we love, animals, great emotional outlet when in the midst of a painting that we just can't get right.
~ I don't know if I make sense. It is not analysing things too deeply, just that it seems so many people are all alike nowadays, there is a coldness in many, a worldliness [both sexes], and an obsession with physical looks.
Everyone is entitled to have a fantasy, but in real land, in real life, we get to know the core of somebody via perhaps work, or little by little we see a beautiful person, not the shape of the neck, or the nose or the contour of the face.
You should not belittle yourself. Love yourself, body and soul, for all that is good and could be better in side of yourself. There is no such thing as ugly, as plain, not when you get to know the person and to move past the physical. Sex with somebody who is not physically attractive can be wonderful too, once the feelings are there for the person.

I don't know if I make sense. No, most profiles are what people would like to be. Who is going to write that they are very shy and cover it up? that life has hurt them and that they sometimes are over sensitive? that they have a bad temper? Great blog. Coming úp to St. Patricks Day so a hug from Ireland sick irish good luck good luck
Akeldama40
Ah! But the most stupid thing anyone can do knowing all the frogs out there is when you find a princess or prince that is right for you don't kick them in the teeth once you have their attention. The old saying goes "beggars can't be choosers."
How many tend to take for granted what is given to them and always dreaming the grass is greener elsewhere?
The universe never gives us what we think we might want but, it does give us what we need.

As some have said here that we follow the natural order of things.
I admit, I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, or the brightest bulb in the box but, we all have our own perception of what we think beauty, friendship, and love, and that so called spiritual connection along with punctuation.
Overall, fools are easily blinded by past experiences and use them as a basis in deciding whether to create new experiences.

Ultimately, I think because of that they sabotage their efforts. For now I will just keep banging my head against the wall because it feels better when I stop!! frustrated
I think you've answered all your questions as you already know ALL the answers.dunno

Now you have 2 options..
...do the work ..
..or...keep banging your head..dunno
Akeldama40
Usually the answer walks hand in hand with the question. Yes, the decision is how we respond to the answer. Daniela you are way too smart for the average bear. teddybear
Well...if you think so? innocent

I still wouldn't fancy taking on a bear though unless it's a teddy one.smitten
Done pondering,but still travelling.rolling on the floor laughing

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