Expectations. Part 1
The following blogtitled "When you are expected to pay for lunch or dinner on the first date offline. Online dating part 2" was created on the 30/1/2018 and was left in a draft form in order to be picked up and continued later on the subject of "Expectations" , subject of this blog today.
The specific blog regarded the expectation of my person paying for lunch or dinner in unwanted and unwelcome ways that definitely did not include paying half or the whole bill for lunch or dinner at a restaurant.
The expectation regarded the first date offline.
Subject of this blog is therefore, expectations in regards to the first date offline.
For the reason that expectations is a vast subject , this blog excludes expectations during dating or relationships in real life.
It is restricted to online dating and as mentioned earlier , expectations in regards to the first date offline and in real life.
As such the specific blog is referred to and includes a specific group of people that can be found online and this dating site.
Under this category or group of people come only those who plan or intent of dating in real life and/or to meet in person and real life.
Therefore, the questions included in this blog are primarily directed and concerned with this specific category/group of people.
The following scenario part of which are the questions of this blog is being given for better understanding purposes of this blog,
Hypothetical scenario
You have made contact with a person of your liking and interest through the private message service and begun getting to know each other.
Your liking of each other for another grows as you chat more and more. It appears and feels that "you hit off" with one another and after a certain time of chatting with each other, you both decide and agree to meet in person and in real life, have your first date offline.
Questions
1. Do you have any expectations in regards to your first date offline and in real life?.
2. If yes, what are these?.
Thank you for reading and looking forward to hearing any answers.
Comments (184)
Sorry....it may be me.....haven't had my cawfee yet.
Happy waking up! Yes sure to simplify more, your expectations in regards to your first date offline (and in real life) with someone you met online (on a dating site), hit off & agreed to go on this first date(meet in person and in real life), IF ANY.
If we are in the same town, then he can decide what we are going to do - go for a walk, have a coffee or drink together, go for a meal, attend some event, go the cinema... I don't mind - everything is fine with me.
If he lives in another town/country and comes here to meet me - then I'm a hostess, he knows nothing about my town, so I have to be the one making suggestions. However, I would make a plan with him in advance and ask him whether he wants just to meet and sit in some quiet place and talk or he would prefer some sightseeing, etc. as well.
If I go to his town/country - then he's a host and he's the one organizing everything. I'm fine with whatever he decides.
This is how I behaved so far.
You must be talking about "butterflies in your stomach" in regards to you being nervous even if you chatted extensively online.
I did have dates in real life with a couple of guys I've met online in the past and I must say that even though we chatted extensively online and on the phone for weeks and many hours prior to meeting each other in person, it took me a very long time to get used to their physical presence and talking to them face to face and in person.
Don't know if you or anybody else had a similar experience to mine above.
My hope is to hit it off as we hit off online, my expectation is to meet in person a gentleman.
Someone who behaves as such not someone who presents a fake persona and image or what I want just to get or go out on a date with me then, come over and behave as completely the opposite of what he presented own person to be.
I guess this is related or part of "what we both had in mind" in your comment.
Sorry can't see your comment or have this in front of me while I write this from my phone.
But, my expectation based on what I said is truthfulness.
"hopefully everything we thought in our mind would be true.", the part of your comment I made reference to, found from your comment, copied and pasted here (when I could finally see it from my phone
Your blog reads like the abstract to your thesis. It might have been much simpler to just ask the question starting with the hypothetical scenario. All that opening ramble seems uneccessary.
Actually why call it a hypothetical scenario? It has happened in reality to many dating site users including here on cs. So you could have asked for actual examples where there were expectations and were those expectations met?
Anyway for what it is worth, I will arrive at such an arranged first meeting with the person I have been chatting with online with no expectations. I would rather go with the flow and see how it all pans out.
There are things I would be prepared to do and ways that I would be prepared to behave.
i.e. be well-mannered, dress nicely, be prepared to pay, but also be prepared for her to pay or go 50/50 if she insisted on that. But I wouldn’t expect anything. Better to turn up as an open book.....study any page that opens...
Hope that has helped your research
I'm always tremendously nervous before the first phone call and video chat, too.
It's confusing. As if I know the person, yet I meet the stranger at the same time. I suppose everyone feels the same...
Star
I agree on being a hostess when someone is visiting from another country most possibly not knowing the town/city/country visiting and your plan or way of going about the matters that also represents me.
You also sound quite flexible with practical matters such as place of meeting and not having any or much expectations of where you will meet or what (dinner, coffee, drink etc.).
Nothing wrong with what you mentioned whatsoever and glad that you pointed in the beginning of this comment that "you are not sure if you understood the question" .
Your comment does come under and within the subject of this blog which is "expectations" that seems to be understood in this case perfectly well.
It can be any expectations but,
I am mostly interested in emotional expectations if any.
So, my question to you is, if you do not mind answering of course,
On an emotional level, deep inside your heart , do you have any expectations?
If yes, what are these?.
Someone may have no expectations at all (to have a good time, to like the person they will meet in person for the first time in real life as they do online etc.), which I really don't think as you must have noticed in my previous comment that I belong in this category, only wish I did.
I'm asking what assigns to you and the rest reading this
What i like to do is try to meet them in person as quickly as possible.
When we chat or text its all great and expectations of the person can build up which may or may not be realistic.
Id rather get a first meet out of the way as soon as possible...only if the initial texting was going well and we both hit it off which i always seem to have had luckily.
But im always always very nervous when i meet first...its just me....i dont mind what we do...id nearly rather there be no money involved in the first date so that theres no awkward 'who pays'....i would much rather a bottle of wine and a stroll on the beach and sit somewhere watching the world go by sipping wine and chatting.
I HOPE to spend a pleasant couple of hours/a day/an evening in someone's company.
I don't EXPECT that any more, because I did meet some men online that seemed OK when we chatted -
but were a little different offline. For example, one was a very negative person who constantly criticized and judged everything and everyone and those couple of hours with him were tremendously exhausting and not very pleasant. I didn't have such an impression about him when we chatted. That's why I think it's better to have a phone call and a video chat prior to meeting someone. You at least get some kind of an idea what that person is like...
I definitely don't expect to fall in love at first sight, although it did happen to me.
So, I hope that we will like each other enough to go on a second date.
Thank you for your feedback in regards to my writing style. I will read again and see whether this blog has to be edited or not.
Expectations is a very vast subject as previously expressed in this blog reason why part of the title was "part 1".
Expectations part 1 deals only with those expectations someone may have prior to going on a first date in real life with someone they met online, hit off and agreed to go on a date.
I did not wish to ask what you said that I could so I did not.
Despite your criticism of or feedback about my writing style, based on your answer to the question of this blog, you do sound like an ideal man to go on a date with
I want to ask you , in the case that a second date or even more dates was/were taken place, if you having no expectations helped in securing these (made it easier).
Just waiting for your further criticism of me
I feel nervous just by reading you being nervous for the first meeting guys...
I always loved interviews and did very well, quite the opposite of how I was doing in writing(presenting myself).
Krinka...recording 20 times a message
I always had a problem with cameras, once the camera turned towards me, I simply froze.
My first video call is still unbelievable to me.
No problems with calls whatsoever, I'm just excited and glad to know a bit more about the other person and have a better understanding of another through a call, hearing the way someone says what they say, voice and tone of voice.
''Recording messages'' is a new technology for me.
Well, it seems that it goes like this now - first chatting, then exchanging recorded messages and then having a phone call.
I never call a man - I wait until he calls me.
I absolutely agree with meeting as soon as possible, of course after you made sure that it is safe to meet in person with the specific person and preferably in a public place for the first time.
"The sooner the better" as long as both are in the same country of course or "the sooner the better is possible" due to both being in the same country.
There are many cases of people I've met who are not planning to meet with anyone in real life or date anyone, just to be chatting online endlessly for years whenever they feel like it or want to pass their time.
You mentioned a meeting early on so as to avoid expectations reaching high, obviously unrealistic expectations.
Have you ever found yourself in this situation and if yes, do you not think that the other part (person) did play a role in it through for example , not being clear enough or instilling false hope or expectations through their behaviour?.
If you hit it off with someone online and agreed to meet in person and have a date, at the present stage in your life, do you have any expectations on an emotional level prior to this first date and for this?.
If yes, what are these?.
"i would much rather a bottle of wine and a stroll on the beach and sit somewhere watching the world go by sipping wine and chatting."
Hmmmmm
Usually its me the puts too much of a romantisied view on the other person..however ive learnt not to do this anymore.
What im hoping for is someone who has a different view on life to me...who can show me new thingsm.new way of life...basically someone to literally sweep me off my feet.
Look at me how my dad looks at my mam.
Someone who makes me want to be btr for them in everyway.
The only expectation that i have is that they treat me with kindness ..fairness and make me feel relaxed...as i would offer this in return and always have.
Id also love someone to take me away from it all...lol....not asking too much am i lol
But im ready for an exciting and new chapter in my life.
If i dont meet someone..then i will make that a reality by myself...either way ill make sure ill win.
This is a response to your answer to my subsequent questions to you....
In regards to your date mentioned..."a very negative person who constantly criticises everything and everyone"...
Gosh! Jeeeeeeesssuuuuusss!
No doubt "those couple of hours with him were tremendously exhausting and not pleasant".
Unfortunately, the negativity of someone and the criticism of everything and everyone may or is not visible in just 1-3 calls and I think it's a bad idea to meet with someone you just chatted on the phone just once.
I had and have many hours of calls usually for weeks prior to meeting or making a decision of meeting in person (if it ever reaches that stage).
My last date lasted less than an hour, it was more than boring and less than an hour was simply more than enough for me to decide not to go on a second date.
Yes, I do have the same expectations instead of hopes that you do.
Of liking each other enough to go on a second date and to " have a pleasant couple of hours with someone ".
I think must better to hope than to expect, how someone changes expectation to hope now, I really have absolutely no idea.
Especially when taking into consideration or having in mind and cross checking these with the expectations of guys in the private message service and in regards to a first date offline and in real life.
Star, I see nothing wrong with your blog, I think it is interesting.
Thank you Wen!
I still can't understand why the recorded messages when you can speak on the phone.
I did say "hello" to a recorded message to a guy because that is what the guy insisted in me doing to which I gave in.
I better not say publicly what kind of recorded message I received by him afterwards!
Everyone can just let their imagination run wild
But, after the recorded message sent back to me, never again...don't give in again in the case anyone insists.
I'm usually the one who takes the initiave for a call.
"If you have come to know the person well online then should'nt be a problem. Never was was for me."
Yes, I agree you should go ahead and meet in person and real life. For a normal person that should not be a problem I think but, what are your expectations in regards to a first date with a woman?.
Do you have any expectations prior to a first date offline and with someone you met online and if yes, what are these?.
I think it's quite rare someone not to be having any expectations at all.
What do you think?.
I have no doubt that you have a very eloquent and gifted writing style...albeit a but in the academic side....grin
Thank you for your nice words/compliments. Yes, it is "acamedic" and at least it used to score highly!
Nothing wrong with this on this dating site, is it?.
It is great to have your and rest people's perspective and the perspective of both men and women on this site.
So, I am very greatful to all who contributed in this.
A man with no unrealistic expectations for the first date with an open, flexible mindset is always very attractive to me
I am wondering how expectations can be changed to hopes and I'm thinking that it is unrealistic and way too high that are very difficult or impossible to be reached by a normal Hunan that lead to (massive) "disappointments" and that, there are also false hopes and hopeless hopes.
So, I guess or I'm thinking that the solution to this is to be realists and have realistic expectations and hopes, not hopeless or false hopes or unrealistic or way too high expectations that cannot be reached or are impossible or way too difficult to be reached by a normal human.
What do you think about this?.
Concerning the typos/spelling mistakes,
I never bother with typos and not here to be checking and correcting people's spelling mistakes especially when they write in a rush and everyone would have made typos/spelling mistakes if they did the same.
What were you cooking?.
Thumbs up and way to go girl for "If i dont meet someone..then i will make that a reality by myself...either way ill make sure ill win.love".
What you describe to me it sounds like falling in love and hope you do meet and fall in love with the person you described in your comment.
Who knows?. Maybe 2018 is your year!
I think it's quite difficult a romantic person not to romanticise especially when they keep chatting online and not meeting in person with who they are chatting so, I think the way you described earlier " a meeting early on" and "the sooner the better" the equivalent mentioned by me is really the best way forward in this case.
I had forgotten completely what led me to "the sooner the better" as long as it is safe and established that it is safe to meet in person of course.
That was me getting into a bubble and just flying high into the space, dreaming and dreaming , hoping and hoping. Until the bubble burst and landed or crashed back to earth.
Again, really hope you find what and who you are looking for
Thank you for comment John. So, based on your comment you expect to "see something in your common" in your first date with a woman otherwise you have "a lucky escape".
Sounds to me a reasonable and realistic expectation to have.
Cheers
Yes, be realistic...don’t expect and hope for too much. Be level headed about the person you are going to meet.
Be prepared to be dissappointed, but if by some fantastic ray of fortune it turns out to be an amazing encounter, then que sera sera...
* I was just cooking an omelette and salad...haha..nothing exciting
Yes, it seems that we are finally in agreement despite the initial criticism or "constructive criticism"
As always, will try to be the best of myself , if the other feels to be the worst of themselves and doesn't make at least any effort of some substantial conversation or doesn't really care or in reality doesn't give about me, I guess as with the last one, it's going to be the first and last one (if I ever reach that stage of wanting to meet or meeting in person with a person chatting with online).
Can I have some of your omellette please or have you eaten all of it by now.
Thanks.
I’ll cook the next one for you
Yes, don't we all have?
2. If yes, what are these?
First and foremost, that it is indeed the person with whom I had contact online. If not, easy, I just walk away and do not need to hear any excuses.
Furthermore, I look at how it goes, conversation etc ... I just expect that the person is as it appeared online, concerns intresses, ideas etc ... But I have no expectations regarding the future, this will turn out to be the case end of the first meeting ...
2. If yes, what are these?.
Nice blog
Expectations - No.
Apart from the expectation that I would get on as well with them in real life as I had done online. And that expectation has always been fulfilled and usually exceeded.
I have never met anybody from here that I would not wish to meet again. And that is always a good thing.
I would have the hope that there would be a mutual attraction. I have found as I get older that it is better not to dive straight in, no matter what attraction is there. I have learned to take the slower route and get to know them properly in real life before embarking on anything. That doesn't always go the way I had planned, maybe due to lack of proper communication, but I believe if something can last, then it can survive a gentle beginning and work from there.
Meeting somebody new is not without its difficulties, as the people do not really know each other yet. But if it survives the initial difficulties and awkwardness, it can only get better.
But it is also an exciting time, as it could be the start of something beautiful.
Awwwww thanks hug
Excuse me but what kind of "food" are you talking about, what exactly are these "foodie friends" and where exactly do you find them?.
Shall I assume that your expectation is your "foodie friends" to want more than "food" and what is that?
So confusing seriously
Maybe when you answer these questions we can all begin solving this puzzle and dispel this confusion
Really looking forward to it.
Thank you.
You are so lucky that "your expectation to get on as well in real life as you had done online has always been fulfilled and overexceeded".
Any secret or advice tips for the rest like me to get there?.
Yes, I also don't "dive straight in" a relationship and take my time to get to know someone.
Do you think that someone should set a deadline prior to meeting in person and if yes, how long after the first contact do you think it's adequate time for both interested in each other to meet in person?.
"The start of something beautiful" sounds great but so far, feels like never coming for me but, never mind, still alive so, there's still hope.
I think when you are both ready, and both comfortable, and both looking forward to it, that is the time to meet.