Expectations. Part 1

@ Pat ,

OK. That's 1...2....3...4...5....6...7...8 basic expectations.

Someone talking about their ex , omg , such a massive turn off. I will ask about past relationships in the many hours chatted with someone but, definitely not on a first date.

I think a first date is all about having a good time and having just a normal friendly day to day conversation. In the best of the cases a laugh.

In regards to laughter and joke, do you think it's a realistic expectation to "be laughing at all of your jokes?".

I mean what if someone doesn't get all of your jokes especially if they are of a different nationality and culture and don't of phrases for example used in Australia and you may also use?

Mollybabe ,

I guess your answer means depends on the context of the conversations taking place online and mutual feelings, how both feel.

Thanks for the answer

My jokes are pretty funny. If she cant speak English, too bad so sad because I can't speak any other languages. Except a few words of German- verboten and shaiser.

Pat,



I'm not talking about someone of a different nationality and culture that doesn't speak English at all so there won't be zero communication between you.

In America or England you've got phrases or sayings that the ones in england are not said in America, the ones said in America are not said in england for example, "I'm giving you the heads up" said in America not said in England.

I assume that there will something similar taking place in Australia. The assumption may be wrong, it was just given as an example to my question.

My question was, do you think it's a realistic expectation your first date to laugh at all of your jokes?.

What if she does not want understand "all of your jokes?".

Are all of your jokes generally understood by all?.

Don't know so I'm just asking.

I would laugh at all her jokes, even if I didnt completely understand them. Its not like a court of law where everything has to be fully understood. So as far as I'm concerned she can do the same.

@ Pat ,

Got the message and fully understood. Expectation to "laugh at all of your jokes" even in the case she does understand all of them as you will laugh at her jokes even in the case you don't understand all of them.

I guess having a laugh, good time and fun straight from the start is very important to you as well as feeling comfortable with another to have the freedom to crack a joke.

Expectation sounds realistic enough to me.
Have a good day!

@ Geronimo ,

Thank you sharing your way of dealing with the specific hypothetical scenario.

And thank you for providing you perspective as a man and "your contribution" in the subject of this blogs and questions asked in it.

I guess the feelings and wants in two persons chatting online have to be mutual otherwise, what is the point of meeting in person really?.

So, I guess in the case someone does see during an online conversation that both feelings and wants are not mutual or rest mentioned in the communication through the comments with you then, a meeting if set really has to be cancelled and the other not to go ahead with it.

It's just better never to reach that point of a first date.

Have a good day!

@ MimiArt ,

Good morning Mimi, lovely heart!

Awwwww, I'm sure Mr. Niceguy will extremely happy to wine and dine as well as pamper you afterwards.

Make these expectations a reality and come true nicely.

Given that you already have a relationship with Mr. Niceguy for years now and you are here just for the blogs.

Also, already gone with Mr. Niceguy on a first date and of course a series of dates both in real life and online up to now, I want to ask you to step back in time prior to the first date with Mr. Nice guy took place and met in person for the first time and ask you,

Did you have any expectations for this first date for the first time with Mr. Niceguy (before you went on a first date with him and arranging to meet in person and real life)?.

If yes, what were these?.

I'm particularly interested in expectations on an emotional level (inside your lovely heart ).

It will also good to have Mr. Niceguy also answering the same questions .

Good afternoon to you, good morning to me lovely heart!

1. Do you have any expectations in regards to your first date offline and in real life?.

Yes to 'some extent'.

2. If yes, what are these?.

Offline in a real meeting, the person should appear familiar (physically & with regards to the content of the conversation & behavior) because one would have spoken enough online to know how the other feels. (this itself should be enough to understand how much one has been faking online ;) lol )

As a starter I think both could be very comfortable if things tally. I see no need of being nervous, after all if things dont seem or feel good then one can move on gracefully
The issue is if one is visiting another Nation to meet up with the 'proposed lover', well for that, prior the meeting a proper verification should suffice & if the lady is the one traveling then her staying arrangements should be well explained, further I suggest she keeps a back up plan with respect to staying (just in case things dont work out)

Apart from these basics, I think the rest of the things could evolve organically as you both would already be knowing about each other's choices & tastes

(did i go a bit outta the subject?? lol )

@Stargazer111

''Special connections'' made online that continue offline into some wonderful romantic story are not that common. They do happen, but most of the time meeting such a person is very very difficult.

If you are a romantic soul searching for something special - you can very easily delude yourself online. You can see more than there is while chatting / talking to someone, just because you WANT it to be something special. Once you meet, you cannot keep living in an illusion and you feel as if your expectations haven't been met.

Maybe the real questions is - how to stop being such a romantic soul?

I somehow tend to agree with Krinka's comment

though Ref ...... "Maybe the real questions is - how to stop being such a romantic soul?"

there is no solution for that lol .... if anyone has it pls let me know too

Good Bobbyreal ,

It sounds like you had a good reflection about the subject and comments made on this blog.

It appears that expectations for a first date are real and there for all, at least in all those commented up to now/contributed in the subject of this blog and that these expectations are very realistic.

It also appears that a first date for this group of people is real, on the contrary to those on dating sites that never plan to meet in person and real but, just to be chatting on them (one of them met, 15 years now with no intention of meeting in person or date anyone in real life).

At the same time, this group of people seems to be realists in regards to their expectations.

In regards to your own realistic expectations for a first date,

I coupled the "expectation for basic interaction" mentioned in the beginning of your comment with "your expectation to be communicative & ask/answer questions...show interest" or seeing these two expectations related to each other the least , if not the one and the same.

I'm the kind of person who is very communication, love respectful communication between others and my person and basically feel that I cannot live without communication , it's like an oxygen to me and when it is not there, it's feel that I cannot breath.

Being ghosted by the guy I'm in communication with and communication between us simply going to zero , I think it's one of the best ways for a guy to take revenge on or get back at me.

As far as your expectation your first date to be on time and "if you were waiting more than 20 minutes without any incoming message, well you are out the door and strike that off the list".

I did live where you are presently at as well met and socialise with British, Irish then Dutch living and working in Spain or just holidaying from which their own experience with " the Spanish being on time/punctual on their dates/meetings was sought.

My own and their experience with punctuality of Spanish in their dates and meetings was the exact and the same.

None of the Spanish arranged or set a meeting or date with all of them asked including my person was on time or punctual.

The minimum of time a person was left to be waiting or for the delay (this includes all) was at least 30 minutes late for those who finally decided to go to the meeting as there were also those as far as one of my English teacher friends is concerned who never showed up for the class with him.

He had prepared for the class and the lesson waiting for them to have a class and english lesson with them and students never even bothered to call and let this person know that they are not planning of attending the class at the set time.

Punctuality and being on time just seems impossible for this specific group of people, not sure and do not know if any of them can fulfil your expectation of "being on time" and punctual.

What do you think about this?.

In regards to your expectation about the location and this being "a neutral ground where it is possible to chat but also escape easily if it's going badly", I absolutely agree with this and never go for dinner on a first date, just coffee.

The last thing I want is to be stuck on a table with an absolutely uncommunicative person as my last date was, with no interaction or communication , no demonstration of interest for 2 hours at least on a dinner date.

No way!.

Coffee or chocolate or tea in a cafeteria where there is not much distractive noise that prevents communication is just the ideal and will do nicely for me!.

Thank you for your comment and participation as well as contribution to this blog.

Rob, I was thinking about what you said about where is the best place to meet on a first date.

I have done group meets; hiking; dinner and coffee dates.

And the only one that I have never gone on to have any type of relationship with the person was on a coffee date alone

I think when I agree to meet them just for a coffee, I am already pretty sure that there is no connection, so that is why I agree to meet them just for a coffee.

I guess different things work for different people.

Mimi!

Now you're talking!

@ Akash70 ,

No Akash, you did not go the slightest bit "outta the subject".

Your comment does come under " expectations for the the first date" , and it is really valuable because it brings forward ideas and thoughts on matters not previously mentioned that is considered by me very important.

In any case, provide further food for thought for me so, thank you for your participation and valuable contribution to this blog.

In regards to the first paragraph of your comment for me, this goes back to what came under Geronimo's comment/expectation and that is to be a match of what was presented online and what will be presented or presented on the first date and real life(personality, interests, ideas, what was already discussed).

As Geronimo mentioned in his subsequentl comment as an answer to the question posed to him , it all gets revealed in the end(paraphrasing and summarising bringing forward for me the context of what was previously or how I perceive/d this here).

I absolutely agree with you 1000% in backing out if "it does not seem or feel right" and, I guess that is where intuition and gut feeling/instict as well as one trusting this comes in.

This is the first new important matter brought forward in your comment and this blog, a very important one(faith and trust in one self, being in touch with their gut feeling and trusting this).

In regards to "visiting one (a potential lover) in another nation", I absolutely agree with " keeping a back up plan with respect to staying (just in case things don't work out)".

This is another new valuable idea , important matter and solution to a possible problem that may occur brought forward in your comment.

I guess or my assumption is that, the "back up" plan should be easier or more difficult, depending the country the person meeting up for the first time in person is, whether the person visiting has visited or never visited that country before, is acquainted with the country visiting or not, friends or acquaintances in the specific country visiting, visa requirements for the visit or not(some of the issues/matters related to it coming to mind now).

In regards to "one visiting another nation to meet up with the proposed lover, well for that, prior the meeting a proper verification should suffice" you mentioned in your comment.

I'm not sure if I understand this correctly or not so, for better understanding purposes , could you please explain further what exactly you mean by the above?.

I can imagine the guy photocopying their passport to prove their id to me and for safety purposes prior to visiting me from another country here... but, is this correct or have taken completely the wrong way mentioned by me here and of course that this may be wrong so, have to cross check with you.

Thank you for your valuable and important new ideas and matters brought forward in your comment

There is a matter I have to take care off urgently here so just to let you know that I will return asap to respond to the rest and any new comments made on this blog.

Please feel free everyone to comment within the subject of this blog.

@Akash70

I agree that there's no solution to stop being a romantic soul.

I also agree with your opinion regarding Stargazer's blogs. One of rare things that still keeps me here.

@ Mimi ,

This is a response to both of your comments here,

1.Errrrr.....I hope to be in bed with him before the night ends? 

That's also an expectation and within the subject of this blog.

"You hope to be in bed with him before the night ends" sleeping because you will both most possibly "be absolutely exhausted running up and down all, going to different places.

If only I did not know you a bit by now, you cheeky monkey!

2. Molly, you and I......a dinner date then a coffee date the following morning. 

Yes, that's a great idea actually. Someone can also have a dinner date with their friend to catch up with what has been going on in each other's lives.

Thank you for excluding me from your dinner date with Molly and then coffee in the morning

Well, if you are trying to make feel jealous , if you try a bit harder it may work

Hey Robby ,

This us a response to both of your comments here.

1. "Everything is manana" in Spain

Manana, manana, get paid for the job done in the public service, manana do the work.

Manana , manana, talk on whats app while at work, get paid for the job, do the job manana manana.

Manana manana do the job and tell everyone how hard you are working in reality saying manana manana and how busy you are in reality applying in practice manana manana.

2. Actually I have to say I have never seen a blogger who answers all her posters with such lengthy and detailed replies and comments. So, well done to you !

Thannk you.

People who have commented really thought and reflected upon the questions of this blog, invested energy, effort and time they(including you) invested time, energy and effort to share their experiences, ideas, solutions to possible problems and I take the time to think and reflect upon all that they offered in this blog, share my own experiences and invest equally time , energy and effort in responding to all valuable comments.

This is how growth (through the sharing of experiences, exchange of ideas, offering a hand and solution to possible problems) for me takes place.

It's a team work and see us all dancing in a circle together connected to one another.

It's not enough for me to be saying that a comment is valuable or expressing appreciation in words.

What I'm doing, it is the least I can do.

2. I never said that "a coffee date" was not good enough for me and wanted in a way to go for dinner. As a matter of fact, if you read again the comment made by me and you are responding to, you will see and read that it is quite the opposite that I said.

I copy and paste from the comment made by me for you,

I never go for dinner on a first date, just coffee.

The last thing I want is to be stuck on a table with an absolutely uncommunicative person as my last date was, with no interaction or communication , no demonstration of interest for 2 hours at least on a dinner date.

No way!.

3. Offer of Omelettes & coffee.

I would love to go for omelletes and coffee with you

I am having coffee all the time but, I haven't had an omellette for a very long time now.

@ Krinka & Akash ,

I'm just thinking if the following,

Maybe the real questions is - how to stop being such a romantic soul? ?(Krinka)

I somehow tend to agree with Krinka's comment 

though Ref ...... "Maybe the real questions is - how to stop being such a romantic soul?" (Akash).

there is no solution for that lol .... if anyone has it pls let me know too ?(Akash)

I agree that there's no solution to stop being a romantic soul.(Krinka).

And, breaking my head to find "a solution" if there is one while I'm starving and having my dinner in from of me, that is why the delay.

Don't know if anyone reading this wants to express an opinion about this....

@ Robbyreal ,

Can you also clarify to whom exactly you made the offer or invited for omellette?.

I can make my own omelettes

I don't drink coffee

Hi StarG..


Ofcourse I do.. I ain't gonna spend my time, energy, and money without any expectation or purpose. When I meet or have first date with that person in real life, ofcourse I would expect :
(1) him to be like as what he said about him online.
(2) us both to enjoy our conversation and other moment till the time is up and we say "lets meet again".
(3) him to like me too if I like him.

But if nothing does meet any of my expectation, oh well.. C'Est La Vie.

@ Akash & Krinka ,

Keep up this good work, it makes CS worth visiting ? (Akash)

Seriously I have never written so much on dating sites hehe :P ?(Akash)

I also agree with your opinion regarding Stargazer's blogs. ?One of the things that still keeps me here. ?(Krinka).

Thank you for your words and appreciation both.

Good morning/afternoon/evening everyone

@ Krinka ,

This is a continuation of my previous response to your comment/s here due to the limitation of words/characters in comments.

2. "If you are a romantic soul searching for something special-you can very easily delude yourself online...you can see more than there is while chatting/talking to someone just because you want it to be something special. Once you meet you cannot be living an illusion & you feel as if your expectations haven't been met. Maybe the solution is to stop being romantic?".

" Once you meet you cannot be living an illusion " and as mentioned in the previous response that is parts of the steps someone has to take in the whole process to ground themselves to reality , to confirm and crosscheck whether what they think and believe about another is true or not, to what extent it assigns to reality and the truth.

In addition to this, how truthful and honest the person they have been chatting with is and was with them for, someone was not participating in a conversation or having an online conversation and/or chatting on their own. Surely, there's context in this whole chatting and conversation or chatting that is taking place. Surely, a specific context, there were certain words and things mentioned by the other someone is chatting with.

No responsibility for the other part and the other part is being treated as completely innocent?.

What's the reason for this and how real is this?.

To me, it sounds a deception and emotional fraud other than an illusion and disappointment in these cases especially when one has been honest and truthful with who they are chatting with, expect the same in return and when this does not take place , the other is inevitably disappointed if they face up to the reality and truth and do not turn a blind eye to it as well as become aware of that, not even their basic humane expectations that all normal healthy functioning human beings have could not be met and would have never been met.

As mentioned in the previous comment, the solution is not to stop being who and how you are (romantic) but, to find and be with someone that does not take advantage of how and who you are but, respects this(you being romantic), who and how you are.

Have a good day.

@ Mimi ,

Hello lovely heart!

Glad to hear that "you have not exclude me"

I didn't know that you were referring to the past and what has already taken place, thought you were talking and referring to what was going to take place in the future.

That's good!

Take care, have a lovely day!

Stargazer, can you do a simple blog one day, my eyes hurt