I have been single for almost 2 years now, and when I ended my previous relationship in January 2016, I was hoping to start dating within 3 months' time. I convinced myself that by then I would be ready. I started putting myself out there, I started seeking a new relationship while still full of anger, disappointments from my previous relationship. I was quite disappointed when the year ended while I was still single. I sought a relationship in every way possible. I stopped seeking God, and sought my husband. As the search continued, I was quite disappointed with God. I was lonely, alone and miserable, and everyone knows that misery loves company. I thought finding my husband would make me complete as I thought I would meet this special, perfect guy who would bring happiness to my miserable life. I wanted someone to fill the void that I had from my previous relationship, but little did I know that only God could do that for me. Only God loved me that much to take my brokenness and exchange it for wholeness. I was determined that it was my boyfriend's or husband's duty to make and keep me happy.
During that time, I prayed, fasted and did all a christian single woman could do, until few days ago when I was reading Matthew 6:33 which says "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you"KJV. I have read this verse so many times before, but this time it was different. My eyes were opened to the truth that I needed to hear for so long. I also like Holman Christian Standard Bible which says "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you". God promises to provide all these things while we seeking his kingdom and his righteousness.
I was seeking the creation instead of the Creator, I was seeking the thing created instead of the One who created it. My eyes were opened and I realized that I am not on this planet to seek a husband, or a relationship. My assignment on this earth is not to find my husband, but I had a bigger purpose and assignment. God further made me aware of the fact that I am a woman, therefore, I will be a wife someday and the bible says in Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD" NIV This means that I am to be found, not find. I am not an initiator, but a responder. I was so amazed by the fact that I spent 2 years of my singleness seeking my husband, instead of seeking the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and wait for God to give me all these things.
Being single is not easy, especially when everyone around you is getting married, engaged and you remain the only single friend they have, but I can guarantee you that should you seek the wrong things, you will find rest on the prostitute's lap. Look at what happened to Samson in Judge 16:19 "After putting him to sleep on her lap, she called for someone to shave off the seven braids of his hair, and so began to subdue him. And his strength left him".
God has allowed me to be in a place where I trust him more than I did 2 years ago, I am at peace, I am wise, I am better, stronger (spiritually). I am becoming a woman that I am proud of. I am grateful for the closed doors, I am grateful for the potential husbands I met and prayed they would stay, I am grateful they never did. I am expecting my husband to be more what I asked for, I am expecting "...exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us" Ephesians 3:20 KJV. I am not putting my expectation on people anymore, my expectations are on the Word and the promises of the Lord.