Only the Lonely
Do you ever find yourself feeling lonely? How do you deal with it? When do you feel the loneliest?The loneliest I've ever been was when I was married, and to me, the worst kind of lonely is feeling it when around other people. Occasionally, I'll feel lonely, but can honestly say I'm not sure when the last time was. I have learned to really enjoy my own company and have numerous hobbies and activities that keep me occupied, focussed and motivated.
A recent study indicates that being lonely and isolated is worse for your health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I found the study a bit interesting in that they seem to equate being alone with loneliness, which is not necessarily true, as the study suggested being with other people and getting out as a 'fix-it.' While this may be true sometimes, it's not always the case. I can attest that one can feel extremely lonely and isolated even within a crowd, so the cure is not necessarily being with other people.
I also find it interesting that they don't address the fact that one can choose to feel lonely, just like one chooses to feel happiness. It's as if they don't acknowledge or want to address that as individuals, we're in charge of how we want to feel. But then, that would take the power out of the medical profession and put it in our own hands, wouldn't it?
I think I've lived on my own for so long that I don't view living alone as being lonely, like many do. I thoroughly enjoy living alone, having my own space and my own timetable and as mentioned, rarely feel lonely. So I wonder, what leads to feelings of loneliness? Again, Imo, it comes down to choosing one's thoughts and emotions. I agree that keeping oneself interested in a hobby is a wonderful way to put one's mind on something more positive.
So, if you feel lonely, when does it occur? Do you focus on something else or what do you do to change it?
Of course, what would the topic be without a little Roy Orbison?
Comments (32)
One and only. - most often.
Sorry, that's how it has become,
A brilliant blog for those who are not afraid to open their heart, I believe a large proportion of people on CS are very lonely. Loneliness has a stigma and is nothing to be ashamed about.
Take care
What i do get are the Sunday blues when the weekend is over and you have to suffer another 5 days before the next one...
There are too many people in my life (big family and friends) to ever get lonely...
But when i do i just get up and do something...or the odd ocassion sit and wallow in a little self pity....who doesnt sometimes.
I find a few phone calls chase those lonely blues away. At times I enjoy my quiet life, but realize I do need some outings, to make me realize how much I can enjoy those lonely quiet days. As for those outings, something to look forward to, they also distract me from those lonely day.
Hope I m making sense, I haven t had my morning coffee yet,
Many people in marriages are lonely, I don't have a family and most of my friends are married and now grandmothers but I still have some single friends.
I keep in touch via friends but like you say, I do get lonely but I do love my own company as well.
Some lovely people on here on the blogs. Imp is one of them. I hope if anyone feels down or lonely, they would feel safe to contact me and I would help as much as I can.
Great blog Imp
I think lots of people feel lonely at times, GG - but it's how one copes with it that's important. What a lovely offer you've made! You're absolutely correct that feeling lonely is nothing to be ashamed of - and reaching out at those times and acknowledging it is important in order to move on.
Another is Gilbert O'Sullivans 'Alone again, Naturally'
I also hate long weekends and certain holidays. I really an delighted and thank for being so k ind.
I know you have your own probs. As i have said, I know about most feelings and anyone that is lonely, write to me, if just to let off steam, and know it won't be discussed with anyone else
Turned out I wasn't a good liar they knew what was going on behind my closed door it was a relief when they finally had the gut's to approach me for the truth
I have always enjoyed your writings. Good to see you on this blog.
Afterwards there was a grief period, i was bereft, but, as the time went by, [it's harder when you get older, I promise], I began to see that i was lonely for being in love, and all we did together was was not the same as actually missing him Hope this makes sense.
I say if I was in a relationship I prefer to live in separate homes because I believe as we get older we're set in our ways I love my space as I'm sure guys do too.
Yes any new relationship would be a honeymoon for a certain period of time but I believe it's possible that it can work my way thing is I doubt any guys would be happy with how I see things.
Sure way way down the track it would be possible to talk about making that move to live together anything is possible I never say never.
Thank you to everyone who commented on how you deal with loneliness and/or depression. Some sad and raw stories and emotions here, and I appreciate that GG was able to respond on my behalf. Kudos to everyone for being brave enough to share.
Maybe I'm abnormal.
They are extremely lonely people, often quite content, going to church daily, doing a tiny bit of shopping and living frugal lives in their small flats, apartments or houses. The loneliness is dreadful though.
Willie Birmingham who founded ALONE here in Dublin, an organisation that tried to do something about the elderly and loneliness, was a fireman, and what made him start the organisation was, he was saving people from an old building in central Dublin, where people were living on the top floor which were being used as pretty grottty flats,
On the top floor, he found an old woman, she had not got dementia, but such was her loneliness and lack of any social interaction except for her trip to the shops, that she had a Teddy and was talking to it, and feeding it custard. How very very sad.
There was a story the other day on a company in Denmark (I believe) that started by seeing an old man sitting by himself on a bench every day. The man that started the business cycled, so he bought a rickshaw for the front of his bike, and offered the old man a ride around town. The man was thrilled!
The next day, everyone in his building wanted a ride, so he enlisted other cyclists to help out. The seniors get to see something other than their rooms, and the cyclists get to do something positive for them.
It's a sad commentary on our society when getting old is a scourge and loneliness is viewed as a communicable disease. I do think we can choose to feel lonely or we can choose to keep ourselves busy. But for those whose lives and activities are restricted, they are too proud to ask for help and thus, end up isolated and extremely lonely. I don't understand why families don't see that, but maybe the parent is too proud to let them see.
I'm just glad there are people that care, and do whatever they can to assist.
According to statistics, here in UK and Ireland, loneliness is rampant amongst over 65s who live alone.
Again this would probably be people with mobility problems , perhaps psychiatric problems but mostly just
because not all are creative, and some people depend entirely on people chatting and company for their company, e Either way nobody should be lonely and it raises mortality risk and auto immune illness too.
I do think older people are seen as a nuisance sometimes.Great Blog by the way .
Imp