friends with benefits

the evolution of me. this is prompted by a blog here. i'm mainly writing about my experience which will differ from most. i will preface by stating that i have been in long term relationships, marriage, etc. that resulted in making personal sacrifices that i found not very beneficial to my self esteem or finances.

there is give and take in relationships, sometimes the taking keeps taking while what is left to give becomes limited to none. sure, i just didn't meet the right person. is there a right person? of course, we all want to believe that.

then there is the natural sex drive. sure, there is m**turbation, until the "right person" comes along. or, there is the wrong person who woos and awakens the romantic side, making love the motivation for the permission for making love, not sex.

i know myself, and i know i'm a sucker for being the object for sweet notes and fantasies. it would seem, the lower i felt, the easier i was to cave to a man's desires. that "special" feeling that opens legs wide and turns lust into commitment.

not these days. today, i look at sex the same way as any other activity. i find sex fun. i've learned that i don't have to log time with a man to validate the act. if there is attraction, why not? the friend with benefit keeps me fit and although there is give and take, it is only for the simple act of sex. when the event is over, i can go back to my life, and enjoy life on my terms. i'm sure many would find this selfish. i've always been selfish with my time. small doses of people is about all i can handle. i'm not selfish with much of anything else. if i'm eating and someone is hungry, i'll share. if someone needs a few bucks and i have a few bucks to give, i'll give it.

i am always changing. i won't ever be who i was years ago and i won't be the same tomorrow as i am today. i don't expect my friend to be in it for the long haul but we offer the physical contact to meet needs that are otherwise left wanting.

that's about it for now, folks.