Why I prefer Adoption over abortion....For a very selfish reason...And a positive reunion

I was born in a home for unwed mothers and given up for adoption. If abortion had been legal in 1949 I might not be here today,

I grew up in Royal Oak Michigan which is a suburb of Detroit. From the earliest bedtime stories I was told as a child I was told of a mommy and a daddy who wanted a baby and couldn't get a healthy one. Their first born was named Bobby and had heart disease and died before he was 2 years old. Their second born was named Donny and he also has a heart condition and died when he was just 1 year old. They wanted a healthy baby.

That's where I come in. I was born in March of 1950. I was fostered in August of '50 and finally legally adopted in July of 1951.

The bedtime stories I mentioned gradually were altered to include me so I would realize that I was wanted and understood that I was adopted and I should be happy about that. I was. I am.

I was made to understand that when babies are born they are sometimes not wanted or expected. But I was adopted. I was wanted. I was special.

My family has always treated me as the brother, cousin, son, grandson, nephew, and uncle that I happen to be.

I hear horror stories of adoptees that are not told about their birth. It is wrong to keep a child in the dark on his or her beginning. I never had a prob;em being adopted because of the way my parents informed me and because of the love my family members have shown me over the years.

Early on my mind set was that I had no desire to know who my birth family was. As I grew older I began to wonder who they are. I decided that I would never search for them while my parents were still alive. My Mom passed away in 1973 and my Dad in 1988. I did not immediately begin to search.

Sometime in the mid 1990's I was visiting my Aunt in Detroit and she looked at me and said “Don't you want to know?” I didn't have to have her explain. I knew what she meant.

At some point around 1998 or 1999 I began to explore the adoption web sites to see if anyone was searching for a boy born in Detroit on March 19, 1950. I found nothing. Eventually I made profiles of me at various adoption sites not to seek, but to make myself available to be found if someone was looking for me. I entered what information I knew and that's how it all began.

January 24th 2005 comes around and I get a phone call at 1 am. It was a teenage boy asking me if I was adopted. I said tes I was. He then provided my birth date and city of birth and I said yes. The next thing he said is “You need to talk to my Mom. Next thing I know I'm speaking to a woman who would turn out to be my half sister. She started asking me questions like “Do you have allergies? Is your hair straight and thick? And various other questions that I said yes to. We exchanged pictures and I looked like her younger brother. When I saw his picture, I saw a very strong resemblance. She supplied me with her mother's name.

My adoption records were kept at the Oakland County Michigan probate court. I contacted the court clerk and offered up my information and the name given to me by my half sister. The clerk asked me if this woman was alive and I said no. She then said “Have 'your sister' send me her death certificate and she wou;d go from there. I questioned the clerk “So you're telling me I am related to her? She said “I cannot say just now but “You have 'your sister' send me a copy of her death certificate.”

My sister sent the copy of the death certificate and about 10 days later I get a phone call from the clerk officially confirming that I was indeed related to to this family by birth.

I grew up with one younger brother, and with that phone call I realized I am a half brother to 5 sisters and 2 brothers. I am now the oldest in 2 families.



Comments (10)

Adoption is a major issue here at the moment.

There were many babies of single mothers sold illegally to people in Ireland, the USA and other 'Christian' countries by the religious orders in collusion with the state, right up to the 1980s.

Many of these have never been told they were adopted. Their blood parents have searched for them for years and only hit brick walls.

Recently, there has been more evidence of illegal adoptions, where the adoptive parents' names were put on the birth certs, rather than the natural mother's name, thus making it even more difficult.

Thanks W. Good points. I actually see a very limited place for so called therapeutic abortion, agreeing with many of your points. Just think it shouldn't be an easy excuse for sloth and lack of reponsibility for effective contraception. I call most of it CFM---clinical fetus murder.
JustForKicks
I too agree in adoption over abortion and I don't see anything selfish about it. What an amazing and personal story you've shared with us . I'm so happy that you were able to find your family. How much more difficult would it have been without the Internet? This was a happy ending and I hope many more people find the same happy ending in their search for their families.
We all get here however we get here.
And we may have selfish preferences/likings for things which facilitated our coming into existence.

Mine?
Let's say I can't discuss nuclear weapons as objectively as some folks.

My Dad was in the Philippines in the Summer of '45 - preparing for the invasion of Japan.
Had A-bombs not shortened WWII, I almost certainly would not have come into existence.

When bombardier Tom Ferrebee announced 'Bomb Away' to the crew of the B-29 Enola Gay, he could've added, '...and Mick will come into existence.'

And yes.
I realize that what allowed me to come into existence denied that opportunity to others.

A news reporter announced the end of WWII with the lead in, 'If you are alive and listening to this, congratulate yourself. Fifty million people are unable to do so.'

We all get here.
However we get here.

cowboy
Lovely story. I plan to adopt in two years time. I have always wanted to adopt I hope my dream comes true.
pat8lanips
I have my own opinions about the matter, but as a male I will never have to actually face that choice.
And thanks, W, for the important and helpful sharing. Stories like yours are sometimes kept to ourselves, I believe, greatly to the loss of us all. Yours seems to have a good result, not always the case, but definitely more typically so. I have seen situations where adoption hasn't worked so well, often after multiple foster care stays. I've always wondered if my folks are really bilogically mine, for various reasons. Mom had her share of miscarriages, and dad was impatient to have a family, in line with many of the greatest generation. As a public health measure, and by way of validation, I tell my story of CSA from Homosexual pederasts in the Catholic Church to the world, including in a memoir. Help can work for some of us with untoward childhood experiences, but guilt, shame, anger, etc., can be major barriers to it.
I was under the impression that most adoptions were closed and couldn't be opened.dunno
Bearwoman. You are right. In Michigan the records can be opened if the adoptee and the birth family both request that they be opened, as was in my case.
Willy3411OP•7 mins ago•Lawton, Oklahoma USA
Bearwoman. You are right. In Michigan the records can be opened if the adoptee and the birth family both request that they be opened, as was in my case.

Thank you Willy I'm originally from Michigan and my father had been adopted but since my father had passed when I was a young child I couldn't find anything on him to verify of whether or not he had been adopted.Even though I was told by some people knew of his biological mother had put him and a brother up for adoption.
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