Theory: Women should be clear, men should not

Scenario - They are watching TV at his house. Woman rubs her shoulders, mmm, I’m cold. Man nods, yup, it is quite cold, and carries on watching TV. Eventually she gets up in a huff, finds a blanket, then sulks because he doesn’t care about her. He is completely bewildered.

Theory - women should be clear. If she wants a blanket, she should say mmm, I’m cold, could you get me a blanket? He will. Men are nice, but not automatically caring.

Scenario - he comes back home after a really bad day and collapses in a chair. Honey, would you get me a coffee? She says (or maybe just thinks) huh, what did your last slave die of? You think your day was so bad? Etc.

Theory - men should not be clear. If he wants cossetting and sympathy, he should say only ‘I’ve had a terrible day’ and then stare into space looking stressed. Her natural nurturing will kick in, she will bring him a coffee, even give him a shoulder rub (or any other little service which might cheer him up) because her protective caring instincts have been aroused. Women are nice, when not belligerent.

Just a theory, and not mine, but I thought it had legs.

Comments (73)

I am more likely to just get the blanket myself without even thinking.
There are advantages (or are they disadvantages?) to being used to doing things for yourself. You don't expect others to do them for you.
In someone else's house?

See, I'd be more likely to sit there shivering and thinking sheesh, this guy's gonna let me freeze to death. Which is why the theory interested me.

In fact it went further. It said women should give always orders and men should never give them. I should perhaps have gone for the more controversial option laugh
My theory is both are lazy bones laugh

Another theory, both are takers with neither of either givers ....
another theory, the relationship is doomed dunno

G'day to you Biff wave
Hey Itchy, g'day to you too, sawubona

Aren't all relationships doomed?
If i were in his house, and didn't already know where the blanket was, I would ask him where I could find one. If, at that stage, he hopped up and got it for me, then yay. But if he didn't, then no skin off my nose, I would get it myself.

The only issue I would have is if there was a pattern of him being lazy or unthinking. I don't count the small one-off occasions, only the patterns.
Like the mad Irish woman above, my partners would generally just get a blanket, otherwise it's a cue for me to be attentive.

I'd never walk in and ask my partner to get me anything, regardless of how my day was. I'm quite able to do so myself,. If anything, I'd walk in after having a bad day and say "Fancy a coffee (more likely a wine)? I've had a crap day and I need you to sit for fifteen minutes and let me vent. Or, can we cook together tonight, I have to hold you prisoner to my shitty day for a while. Or something similar, which of course Id want to be able to do for her if need be.
Hmmmmmm. I'm beginning to see why you are all in relationships and I'm not.

So not a single guy has ever thought sheesh I wish a woman would SAY what she wanted, not expect me to guess?
Biff...I think you have something here.

It’s almost like man and woman habe evolved so as to totally misunderstand and misinterpret each other. Why is that?

I have always found it so difficult to read those little signs that women give when they expect a man to understand completeley what is required - when in reality we are such simple, direct creatures, we haven’t got a hope in hell!

On the second point about men, well if I say nothing and sit there hoping some nice service will come my never does...the world just carries on around me. But if I dare to say ‘cup of coffee would be nice, Ive had a terrible day’ the answer usually comes as ‘well you haven’t had as bad a day as me..if you need coffee, get it yourself!’

No, I am afraid that in this world, men can never win..we are always in the wrong! Hahaha
Not a tall Biff hug

But many of us here will end up on our own without... doomed you might say, at our age mature cheddar cheese is becoming very scarce uh oh giggle

But I could be wrong, Its just another theory of mine dunno

Got to go... enjoy your day wave
I am more like a man in my thought-process help

I don't immediately pick up on nuances. I have always said to boyfriends/friends to just say what they are thinking rather than expect me to mind read. I can deal with things better that way.

I think that is why I understand men easier than some women. I get them easier.

There are disadvantages to not thinking like a woman, but there are also advantages. I don't expect others to read my mind either. And don't have hissy-fits or drama queen moments as a result.
Yay Robby you got it laugh

Next time try the 'terrible day' and looking stressed and unhappy. Let me know how you get on - maybe, just maybe, one of the lady bloggers would think about it and think hmm, maybe I would worry about my poor stressed bloke instead of trying to prove how much harder my life was.

See, I know it would work on me. Well, I think it would. I have been known to sit some shredded person down (male or female) and rush off to get them something to make them feel better. Now I'm wondering if I was played laugh

I got used to have to tell men what I want (in a gentle manner laugh ), because otherwise they could not "read my mind", because Western men are like that, as we all know. Then I had to unlearn this behaviour with Japanese men, since they dislike being openly told things, but prefer an indirect way of telling them what you want (like: "I'm feeling a little cold" rather than "Will you, please, bring me a blanket?"). Then I had to switch to "be open and direct" with Western men again and... this is ALL so tiring! laugh

Why can't we make ourselves one perfect male android? daydream
Itchy, you seem to have mature cheese on your mind at the moment laugh
Molly, don't know whether its relevant or not but just lately whenever I have even the smallest whinge to anyone, male or female, they have to cap it. It's extremely odd.

By the way my current whinge is that my bloody laptop is playing silly-buggers and I have to log in for class in an absolute maximum of 15 minutes and bugger bugger bugger.

The floor is yours laugh
Naivete, oh blimey that would complicate matters laugh

Even the android would have to be programmed for differing expectations help
Biff, I wouldn't cop it, you'd have to say it directly laugh

Now, I do notice changes in moods, etc. I am not totally insensitive. But it is still up to the person to spell out what is wrong with them.

Another advantage of being me is, I don't think everything is about me. In that, if someone is in bad form, I don't immediately think it is directed at me, something I did. Hell, I never think that at all laugh
What can I say Biff, blame Zman for turning me into a mouse laugh
You could always ask to borrow the chainsaw to cut more wood for the fire, that would work on several levels, not least the thought of someone else using ones chainsaw uh oh laugh
morning Biff wave

I agree with you, we are not “designed” to take care of ourselves. we are too busy doing .. stuff. but we do all go weak in the knees, when women compliments us.

also, we do leave the toilet seat up., and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

I can not guess. what´s for lunch?
Put that toilet seat down and you'll get a nice lunch
Starve so
After reading this topic now I know that it was always wise for me to carry an extra blanket in the vehicle. grin
IW. Nice theory, and my impression is that the rare happy couple are considerate of each other as you describe. Of course fighting has its place---great make up sex.
Bo, I consider it to be suicide by stubbornness devil
Baby, that’s how a double murder suicide happens. no food.
Aromas between lovers, all. It's rumored that Napoleon B., whenever getting ready to return to Paris for a break in his hobby of sending French youth to be butchered, would send a messenger back a few days before him with the message to his lovers, "I return in about a week. Please don't wash or bathe."
Hi, Biff, I married I think young 20. When looking back I was very immature and I guess selfish and really didn't notice other peoples needs. My wife at the time was 18 and just as immature, so maybe it could just be a mature thing, cause now I am very open to the needs of other.

Interesting blog Biff. thumbs up

OK, W. My story as well. My only marriage was in 20's to a much younger lady. Really nice girl, and If I had had more maturity about my foolish head, still would be with her. She wanted kids, but not right away, and in retrospect, was reasonable about nearly everyting, and a great squeeze in the rack. But helped her through nursing school before no contest annulment, and she married a nice fella with whom she had several sweet kids. I foolishly repeated this selfish-clueless act until finally getting it years later. Hope It's not too late, but if so, it's my own doing.

Proven Fact!
I think its better for both to be direct and clear and that way there is no room to misinterpret......wave
Luke, been there, done that laugh
Scary....uh oh

rolling on the floor laughing
I mean when she whips out my welder then that's the time I'm available for anythinglaugh
I prefer the chain saw myself devil
I prefer the wood chipper.....grin
My last ex could not pick up a hint so I had no problem saying, "By the way that was a hint" sometimes he would get it then. For the most part I would have gotten my own blanket without thinking.

HOWEVER, He was great at making drinks without question. I'm too lazy to make myself an drink with alcohol for some reason but all I had to do was mention a drink sounded nice and off to be a bartender he would go. I miss that about him but still use it when he comes to visit still works. He just goes on auto pilot. He took great pride in his drinks, like layering B-52s or white russians or whatever. I have no pride, drink goes in the glass then in my belly.

I also learned if he didn't feel well, I needed to take my nuturing out of town because if I tried to cater to him - he went balistic. If he didn't feel good he wanted to be left alone - all my other men turned into babies when they were sick - he went from Mr nice guy to Mr Meanie.

I seem to have no problems what-so-ever getting along absolutely amazing with the dog.
As long as dinners on the table, my pipe and slippers next to my favorite chair and the TV remote given to me, Id get her the blanket, or she could get it while making my coffee.

Not really....If she was clear Id get her the blanket, If I wanted a coffee I would make it myself, if one appeared without me asking It would make me rather pleased.
On the other hand, how about the time tested philosophy of just keeping the little things BAREFOOT, PREGNANT, AND IN THE KITCHEN?
mysterysucker: "Do you love mystery?"(meet us in the quizzes)

Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles?

Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles? Have you written blogs that you'd like to share with other members? Posting your blogs shows your skill and creativity and helps members get to know you better. Your blog will appear on the Connecting Singles Blogs page and also in a link on your profile page. Click here to post a blog »

We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience possible on our website. Read Our Privacy Policy Here