Theory: Women should be clear, men should not

Scenario - They are watching TV at his house. Woman rubs her shoulders, mmm, I’m cold. Man nods, yup, it is quite cold, and carries on watching TV. Eventually she gets up in a huff, finds a blanket, then sulks because he doesn’t care about her. He is completely bewildered.

Theory - women should be clear. If she wants a blanket, she should say mmm, I’m cold, could you get me a blanket? He will. Men are nice, but not automatically caring.

Scenario - he comes back home after a really bad day and collapses in a chair. Honey, would you get me a coffee? She says (or maybe just thinks) huh, what did your last slave die of? You think your day was so bad? Etc.

Theory - men should not be clear. If he wants cossetting and sympathy, he should say only ‘I’ve had a terrible day’ and then stare into space looking stressed. Her natural nurturing will kick in, she will bring him a coffee, even give him a shoulder rub (or any other little service which might cheer him up) because her protective caring instincts have been aroused. Women are nice, when not belligerent.

Just a theory, and not mine, but I thought it had legs.

Comments (73)

Why Thank you V handshake
a little give and take goes a long way plus, if we've become familiar with each other as we ought to have done, we'd know when to and not.

I respect a man more for being able to keep me in my box when I should ... I have none what so ever for the one that allows me walk on him like a carpet. In a relationship I wouldn't want him not to share that same view.

Ps, why is make up sex always the best blushing
Molly, cap it, not cop it. And I won for once, no-one had a worse story than me and my eternal battle with bloody Windows 10. But just lately seems I'll say I am exhausted, and my friend will come back with having 2 hours sleep and a raging headache and she still had to cook for a family of 10 and go cut down 3 trees before she pushed the family tractor home because it had broken down.

Well no sympathy THERE then.

But when someone collapses in a chair and looks shattered I do tend to ask coffee? in a kind of sympathetic way. I'm a sweetie and a catch.
Itchy, buddy or no buddy that man turns me into a nervous cowering timorous beastie, and you know when he does that? When I pick up one of his tools and he roars at me. (And then roars even louder WHY DID YOU DROP IT?)

So yup when he says picking up a man's chainsaw is a way of getting his attention, believe it. grin

That suggestion / hinting thing doesn't work on him. When I said (hopefully) so I'll just plaster the laundry wall, shall I? he nodded and told me how to do it. No more hinting for me. laugh

BUT he's one of the reasons I think this theory has legs. When I ask, like a normal human being, please could you do this, or fix that, or build me a bathroom, he does. Our relationship is both friendly and mates-rates financial, maybe that helps.

He does have a way of looking wistfully into an empty coffee cup that has me switching on the kettle like a Stepford Wife.
Afternoon Bogie, and funny thing, when men compliment us we go a bit weak at the knees too. Not the oozy smarmy stuff, or the 'your hair looks nice' but the real ones. You know what I mean.

The lid AND seat of the loo should be down at all times to stop pythons emerging into the house. scold
Bear, were you a boy scout in a previous life? You are SO organized laugh
I know Vier's comment was at Itchy not me but hey, my blog so I shall butt in grin because I want to know how to turn sulking into great sex. Anger, oh yes, and shouting, oooh, but sulking? confused
Wen, the younger we are the more we still believe we are the centre of the universe and anyone joining our universe has to play by our rules.

By now we should be absolutely the opposite and yup, some things we've learned but I still put me first, however close a second comes. So I guess I'll be single for ever and ever. Hey.
Vier - if you were in your 20s she couldn't have been THAT much younger wow I suppose as a writer you've played the What If game as a book? If not, you should. It is incredible how much pops up out of your subconscious when you let the what-if story run. I've before now sat back and phewed in disbelief and relief laugh and that was also it, gone, out of my system.
Luke, so true rolling on the floor laughing and Molly and M4 now proving Machiavellian uhoh.
Fay, oh aye, different when married, this is more about setting communication early on. My daughter's favourite is 'that was a hint' and my son-in-law leaps as if goosed. No idea where she learned it, not from me.

My dog and I are still working out a last few issues but then it has only been about 6 years and she's VERY stubborn. Like, in this hot weather I got her a paddling pool. If I march her up to it she will get in and stand there without moving looking reproachful until I let her get out. Offer her a dirty muddy puddle and she'd roll in it all day. What's that all about?
Mappy, you sound rather ideal, you know. A bit of a catch, really. flirty

Vier, you're what-iffing again scold
That was a lovely long chat with myself. Oh well.

wave
See that. I would have totally misinterpreted her cold statement into thinking she wanted a hug, a kiss and some friction. banana
laugh
Jim, even if you were enjoying the TV show? You are a prince among men laugh
Elegs I was a girl scout.I'm all female,grin
Bear, organized females are unstoppable and should rule the world laugh
Ha ha I was floating around in the pool the other day in a lounge and the little dog jumped across to lounge on me, almost on my head so she didn't get wet. I tossed her in anyways but she just swam back to me with an attitude. We have a bit of a dispute on who owns who.

She says, "Jump" and I say, "How high?"
Hi Biff wave

Scenario1
I would not need to say "I'm cold" nor get a blanket because I have a better warmer sitting next to me.

Scenario2
I would serve him coffee even before he asked for it.

shimmy
usha123
Biff,
I don't know anything about hints. If I am cold I sit on his lap and let him make me warm. Geesus, I don't want to be in a relationship to get a blanket to keep me warm. laugh
I usually put my legs on his lap and say they are hurting. How else does one deal with a man? dunno

If he had a tough day, I get him the foot bath, towel, and his slippers, while I make him a coffee or a tea. The secret is, no one should ask/tell me to do anything. I never do. Not any nurturing instincts or lack of it. I am just stubborn. grin uh oh
Usha, not just you, I think we might ALL be stubborn laugh

I must find a youtube thing I saw, a comedian talking about women liking to put their legs over their man's. He reckons it's the reason men all need walking sticks as they get older, because the blood supply to their feet was stopped so often laugh
Kal, sure it's nice to get heat off a guy, and I'm one who believes if men didn't want my cold feet on their back in our winter bed, they shouldn't have warm backs laugh
Fay, if I said to my dog jump it would start a 3 day debate. She's a bulldog. sigh
Men show love through sacrifice - Andrew Schultz - raw, but funny. Women draping their legs over a man's.

Bogart_1960
revolution will come quietly....laugh


afternoon Biff wave
I'd probably ask him if he feels cold too and then go get a blanket...
I can not expect anybody reading my mind...
Bogie, hon, how you feeling? sitting comfortably? need a coffee or a drink?

Now tell me about that operation? wow
pK you know what, women have become too independent laugh

Kidding. grin

It was more a scenario (not a very good one) to show why men and women are often puzzled by each other's reactions, because we think and react differently. Men know they like clarity on expectations. Women know they don't like being told to do what they would otherwise have done automatically.
That's the truth Biff,
I have done the mistake to expect mind reading in the past...
We do communicate in a different way indeed...
I think I've learnt my lesson and to be honest I like to be the one that shows care without questions...or counting who's turn it was...
Bogart_1960
hum, a coffee to start would be nice.

All good Biff, thanks. hug

oh, long short story, (fibula broken ).and it was a woman's fault. laughand I did "look".... see, the stuff we do to show how much we admire women
I just used to talk to the wall, got his attention every time.
pK, the rare type ... sigh
Bogey, you have to date gentler women help
Emmy - er - it didn't worry him at all? dunno

laugh
ysabeljhen: "Do You See What I see?"(meet us in the forums)

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