need advice on helping kids deal with death ( Archived) (22)

ill mail

First let me say I am so sorry, how are you coping? Has their father sat and talked to them, or just your son, man to man? I think your son feels he has to stay strong for you but we know that really doesnt work. You dont get them over a death, everybody copes in different ways but it cant hurt to get them outside help, how about their dad goes with them to family counseling? Dont forget to take care of yourself and deal with your own feelings so you can be there for your kids, wishing you the best of luck

very sorry 2 hear ur loss u need 2 sit down wit ur kids and have a propper chat wit dem about the situation and tell dem everytin is ok and explain 2 dem dat granda loved dem so much and he will all ways be with dem no matter wat and as 4 der da makr sure ser der wit him 2 da end everey second countc in life

listen im a father u will no wat 2 say wen da time c*m kids heal quick u will no wat 2 say dont worry it will be ok just be der 4 ur kids and sit down and listen 2 dem ur kids will gt u threw dis dont worry

I think the best way to go in this situation, Is to go with your motherly instincts. you know your children best,thy may look at you and follow your example. Take care of yourself.

Thank you guys, Ive been up all night worring about my kids, my son still hasnt even reacted and my little girl, she will be fine one moment and then upset the next. They say that death hits in threes and grandpaw was the first, and the closet, if my kids are reacting like this how in the world are we going to get through losing their dad. Tomorrow is Monday, school/work, do we just go on with our lives, or do I see how they are doing and make that call in the morning. God this is so hard, I have no family to turn to with this and what if Im screwing up something, What if Im supposed to say something or do something that I haven't......

Hiya first i am so sorry that you are in this situation, as i do know how hard it is for you and the worry is the hardest part of it all. I have 8 children and their dad died (he took his life) when my youngest was 6 and the eldest it was her 18th birthday he was found dead on. So i told my youngest ones who ages were 6, 8 and 10 that their daddy chose to go to heaven and they cried but my youngest hadnt a clue what was really going on, the older ones i told them the truth, naturally enough they were upset but one of my lads cried a bit and then went to bed and slept. It was odd but i let him as i felt it was his way to deal with and watched him as time went on.....We as mothers over protect our kids at such a sad time and dont allow them to breath. But my advice is talk in simple terms to him and ask how he is then accept his answer even if its just ok!! let him feel you are there for him not pushing him to talk. Over time he will talk when he is comfortable to talk to you but until then act like you do when someone close dies, remimise the little things and make that person's life worthwhile after all its your child grandad. Tell him how you were when your grandad died. I wish you well and fully understand what you are going thru. If you need me i am only a mail away.

I'm not qualified to give a proper response, only an opinion. If I read your initial post right, then both children are already in counceling to learn to deal with their dad's cancer.

Presumably this councelor is a PhD Psychologist or a licensed clinical social worker with childhood experience. So the first thing I would do is talk to that councellor and discuss the grandfather's death. Since he/she already knows the children, he/she can better evaluate how to incorporate grief counceling, if necessary.

Two separate councelors might be overkill and make matters worse (as in confuse him with different therapy approaches).

I was 14 when my grandfather passed on and I didn't cry either and didn't display grief in front of others. Every child is different in how they deal with things. Your son's at an age where he is probably connecting the dots between grandpa's death and the possibility of dad passing soon; the relationship between the two men, he being the next "man in line" so to speak... so, again, talk to your current councelor first. Just m.o.