My best friend is obsessed!! (29)
sweetowen: I love my best friend to bits. She's a wonderful person, really!! I don't know what I'd do without her. We're 'Thelma & Louise', always together.
She recently had a short-lived relationship with a guy, who told her not to get too serious from the get-go. Now, he won't return her calls or texts. But she just keeps talking about him & how much she misses him. She wonders why he won't talk to her. She says he'll be back. She goes on & on... & on about him.
I don't know what to say to console her. I mean, I'm not going to tell her he'll be back, when I don't really think he will be. I try to just sit there & listen, to be a sounding board. But then, I feel guilty for not giving her answers. She says she just wants to talk to him so she can have closure. I try to tell her that by his not responding, he's trying to give her closure. We have very different views on that subject.
What can I do? I'd like to just say, 'GET OVER IT!' But I do know she's hurting & it really bothers her. With us being so different in how we handle this type of thing (I tend to just shrug my shoulders & walk away, she needs to talk to them & say her piece), I don't know what to do for her or what to tell her.
Any advice?
just remind her that he was upfront at the beginning, and be sympathetic to her loss. friends can help by listening even when it gets old but that is what friends are for.She recently had a short-lived relationship with a guy, who told her not to get too serious from the get-go. Now, he won't return her calls or texts. But she just keeps talking about him & how much she misses him. She wonders why he won't talk to her. She says he'll be back. She goes on & on... & on about him.
I don't know what to say to console her. I mean, I'm not going to tell her he'll be back, when I don't really think he will be. I try to just sit there & listen, to be a sounding board. But then, I feel guilty for not giving her answers. She says she just wants to talk to him so she can have closure. I try to tell her that by his not responding, he's trying to give her closure. We have very different views on that subject.
What can I do? I'd like to just say, 'GET OVER IT!' But I do know she's hurting & it really bothers her. With us being so different in how we handle this type of thing (I tend to just shrug my shoulders & walk away, she needs to talk to them & say her piece), I don't know what to do for her or what to tell her.
Any advice?
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Be honest about what you think Owen............Thats what I would do.........
And be there for her...........
And be there for her...........
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Yep.. You're her Thelma.. or her Louise, whichever the case may be, at any rate, you're her best friend, and you owe her honesty! If the relationship was short-lived, your honesty will pay off, she'll be over it soon I would guess.. sometimes our judgement on things gets clouded until someone is honest enough to help clear it up! Good luck with however you decide to handle it!
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Oh dear - I've been there but in the position your friend is in! I understand completely her need for 'closure' but I never got it and it's not necessary. Your friend needs to understand that her constant harping is hurting your friendship so tell her that. But tell her this at the same time:-
She should keep a daily journal of how she feels and should try to write into it first thing in the morning so that the thoughts for her ex are out of her head for the day. Contact with her ex, immediately after the break up and for a period of time of say six to eight weeks, is a no-go. She also needs to keep busy so her mind is on other stuff although there's nothing that can be done about the lonely night hours.
One of my brothers said it very well -
"There's nothing you can do except live through it. We've all been there at one time or other and we've all survived it. Suffer the pain and try not to let yourself get into that situation again."
I hope that helps.
E
She should keep a daily journal of how she feels and should try to write into it first thing in the morning so that the thoughts for her ex are out of her head for the day. Contact with her ex, immediately after the break up and for a period of time of say six to eight weeks, is a no-go. She also needs to keep busy so her mind is on other stuff although there's nothing that can be done about the lonely night hours.
One of my brothers said it very well -
"There's nothing you can do except live through it. We've all been there at one time or other and we've all survived it. Suffer the pain and try not to let yourself get into that situation again."
I hope that helps.
E
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Tell her to join CS. If she's even half as beautiful as you she'll have guys falling all over her and she'll forget this guy pretty quick.
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NeWildflower: Yep.. You're her Thelma.. or her Louise, whichever the case may be, at any rate, you're her best friend, and you owe her honesty! If the relationship was short-lived, your honesty will pay off, she'll be over it soon I would guess.. sometimes our judgement on things gets clouded until someone is honest enough to help clear it up! Good luck with however you decide to handle it!
Yep, I'm Thelma. Unfortunately, I'm afraid she'll only be over it when she finds another man to lean on. That's how she met this one. And from personal experience, that seems to be what she does...
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ooby_dooby: Tell her to join CS. If she's even half as beautiful as you she'll have guys falling all over her and she'll forget this guy pretty quick.
I've tried to convince her to come aboard. But she's not one to get on the computer, except to pay bills & check her email.
BTW,
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vinny1967: Be honest about what you think Owen............Thats what I would do.........
And be there for her...........
yep...that would be best...And be there for her...........
you can be honest without hurting someone...although, it can be hard sometimes...but, if the friendship is strong, it will be ok...
...<----the hug is for sweetowen, not you vinny
...
.....
<---that's for you, vinny------ This thread is Archived ------
sweetowen: I love my best friend to bits. She's a wonderful person, really!! I don't know what I'd do without her. We're 'Thelma & Louise', always together.
She recently had a short-lived relationship with a guy, who told her not to get too serious from the get-go. Now, he won't return her calls or texts. But she just keeps talking about him & how much she misses him. She wonders why he won't talk to her. She says he'll be back. She goes on & on... & on about him.
I don't know what to say to console her. I mean, I'm not going to tell her he'll be back, when I don't really think he will be. I try to just sit there & listen, to be a sounding board. But then, I feel guilty for not giving her answers. She says she just wants to talk to him so she can have closure. I try to tell her that by his not responding, he's trying to give her closure. We have very different views on that subject.
What can I do? I'd like to just say, 'GET OVER IT!' But I do know she's hurting & it really bothers her. With us being so different in how we handle this type of thing (I tend to just shrug my shoulders & walk away, she needs to talk to them & say her piece), I don't know what to do for her or what to tell her.
Any advice?
She recently had a short-lived relationship with a guy, who told her not to get too serious from the get-go. Now, he won't return her calls or texts. But she just keeps talking about him & how much she misses him. She wonders why he won't talk to her. She says he'll be back. She goes on & on... & on about him.
I don't know what to say to console her. I mean, I'm not going to tell her he'll be back, when I don't really think he will be. I try to just sit there & listen, to be a sounding board. But then, I feel guilty for not giving her answers. She says she just wants to talk to him so she can have closure. I try to tell her that by his not responding, he's trying to give her closure. We have very different views on that subject.
What can I do? I'd like to just say, 'GET OVER IT!' But I do know she's hurting & it really bothers her. With us being so different in how we handle this type of thing (I tend to just shrug my shoulders & walk away, she needs to talk to them & say her piece), I don't know what to do for her or what to tell her.
Any advice?
Hummm I think your way but if she can't have a closure she can't even go on & on like that....she just has to forget him even if it's not easy
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I wish I could help you, If it was my friend I would tell her this is my opinion on it and leave it at that. Just try to get her out and maybe she will find another. Sounds like that could be her pattern. 
No matter what she will do what she wants and feels she needs to do.
No matter what she will do what she wants and feels she needs to do. ------ This thread is Archived ------
jlw45: yep...that would be best...
you can be honest without hurting someone...although, it can be hard sometimes...but, if the friendship is strong, it will be ok... ...<----the hug is for sweetowen, not you vinny ... ..... <---that's for you, vinny
you can be honest without hurting someone...although, it can be hard sometimes...but, if the friendship is strong, it will be ok... ...<----the hug is for sweetowen, not you vinny ... ..... <---that's for you, vinny
............Ta Joel............------ This thread is Archived ------
vinny1967: ............Ta Joel............
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mylifewithu: I wish I could help you, If it was my friend I would tell her this is my opinion on it and leave it at that. Just try to get her out and maybe she will find another. Sounds like that could be her pattern. No matter what she will do what she wants and feels she needs to do.
yea, and don't get her on CS....she'll waste her life away with the rest of us...
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sweetowen: I love my best friend to bits. She's a wonderful person, really!! I don't know what I'd do without her. We're 'Thelma & Louise', always together.
She recently had a short-lived relationship with a guy, who told her not to get too serious from the get-go. Now, he won't return her calls or texts. But she just keeps talking about him & how much she misses him. She wonders why he won't talk to her. She says he'll be back. She goes on & on... & on about him.
I don't know what to say to console her. I mean, I'm not going to tell her he'll be back, when I don't really think he will be. I try to just sit there & listen, to be a sounding board. But then, I feel guilty for not giving her answers. She says she just wants to talk to him so she can have closure. I try to tell her that by his not responding, he's trying to give her closure. We have very different views on that subject.
What can I do? I'd like to just say, 'GET OVER IT!' But I do know she's hurting & it really bothers her. With us being so different in how we handle this type of thing (I tend to just shrug my shoulders & walk away, she needs to talk to them & say her piece), I don't know what to do for her or what to tell her.
Any advice?
She recently had a short-lived relationship with a guy, who told her not to get too serious from the get-go. Now, he won't return her calls or texts. But she just keeps talking about him & how much she misses him. She wonders why he won't talk to her. She says he'll be back. She goes on & on... & on about him.
I don't know what to say to console her. I mean, I'm not going to tell her he'll be back, when I don't really think he will be. I try to just sit there & listen, to be a sounding board. But then, I feel guilty for not giving her answers. She says she just wants to talk to him so she can have closure. I try to tell her that by his not responding, he's trying to give her closure. We have very different views on that subject.
What can I do? I'd like to just say, 'GET OVER IT!' But I do know she's hurting & it really bothers her. With us being so different in how we handle this type of thing (I tend to just shrug my shoulders & walk away, she needs to talk to them & say her piece), I don't know what to do for her or what to tell her.
Any advice?
Boy do I know how she feels. As far as closure, he's giving her that. He's trying to tell her he's just not that into her. He doesn't want to make a committment.
I also think he doesn't want to hear her say "we need to talk" the phrase that men hate to hear. He doesn't want to tell her why he's done with the relationship....if he is....because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. He's being kind in one way but hurtful in another. He just doesn't want to hurt her, but actually he is by not telling her goodbye. My guy disappeared on me without a word so I know how she feels.
He did tell her in the beginning that he wasn't looking to get serious. She fell for him....he didn't fall for her. We've all been there.
As Vinny suggested, be there for her. No matter how many times she cries, or how many times she wants to talk about him. You need to be a good listener for her. And most importantly, don't say something to give her hopes that he will come back.
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Snuggs09: Boy do I know how she feels. As far as closure, he's giving her that. He's trying to tell her he's just not that into her. He doesn't want to make a committment.
I also think he doesn't want to hear her say "we need to talk" the phrase that men hate to hear. He doesn't want to tell her why he's done with the relationship....if he is....because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. He's being kind in one way but hurtful in another. He just doesn't want to hurt her, but actually he is by not telling her goodbye. My guy disappeared on me without a word so I know how she feels.
He did tell her in the beginning that he wasn't looking to get serious. She fell for him....he didn't fall for her. We've all been there.
As Vinny suggested, be there for her. No matter how many times she cries, or how many times she wants to talk about him. You need to be a good listener for her. And most importantly, don't say something to give her hopes that he will come back.
I also think he doesn't want to hear her say "we need to talk" the phrase that men hate to hear. He doesn't want to tell her why he's done with the relationship....if he is....because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. He's being kind in one way but hurtful in another. He just doesn't want to hurt her, but actually he is by not telling her goodbye. My guy disappeared on me without a word so I know how she feels.
He did tell her in the beginning that he wasn't looking to get serious. She fell for him....he didn't fall for her. We've all been there.
As Vinny suggested, be there for her. No matter how many times she cries, or how many times she wants to talk about him. You need to be a good listener for her. And most importantly, don't say something to give her hopes that he will come back.
Very good advice, Snuggs, thanks! She over-analyzes everything to death.
But my view on why he won't talk to her is this: I think men have this underlying fear that we women will FREAK on them if given the opportunity. I can't speak for her, but I know I wouldn't. As I stated earlier, my usual response is to cut them off mid-sentence... usually while they're saying, "It's not you, it's me"... & just walk away, not even paying attention to the babble.
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jlw45: yea, and don't get her on CS....she'll waste her life away with the rest of us...
Yeah she would spend years just having fun, but no dates. ------ This thread is Archived ------
Lock her in the basement!!
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pretzelman: Lock her in the basement!!
It would have to be without her cell phone, because she sneaks in texts when I'm not looking. Then she tries to tell me he texted her.
Honestly, they were only sporadically going out for about 2-3 months. Never seemed like a full-blown romance, as she makes it out to be.
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i never understand this 'need for closure' when really it was just casual dating
course i may be off base i only skimmed the op
people dont owe me closure they are allowed to make choices and decisions just as my responses are my decision
all i know is the last time i was in this exact situation and even gently mentioned it was unhealthy for my friend she spat me out and hasnt talked to me since
sometimes friends just want you to cosign them
and i am guilty of the same on occassion
its hard to know what is the right thing when tho
so making the wrong 'supportive' move can make a mess but real friends talk it out
even my 15 year old has learned to say
'i just wanted you to comfort me'
rather than getting angry
sometimes when we tell people what we think is best for them or that we see a pattern that makes us sad for them because we love them
they realize in a flash they feel too exposed and they run away from us
course i may be off base i only skimmed the op
people dont owe me closure they are allowed to make choices and decisions just as my responses are my decision
all i know is the last time i was in this exact situation and even gently mentioned it was unhealthy for my friend she spat me out and hasnt talked to me since
sometimes friends just want you to cosign them
and i am guilty of the same on occassion
its hard to know what is the right thing when tho
so making the wrong 'supportive' move can make a mess but real friends talk it out
even my 15 year old has learned to say
'i just wanted you to comfort me'
rather than getting angry
sometimes when we tell people what we think is best for them or that we see a pattern that makes us sad for them because we love them
they realize in a flash they feel too exposed and they run away from us
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She recently had a short-lived relationship with a guy, who told her not to get too serious from the get-go. Now, he won't return her calls or texts. But she just keeps talking about him & how much she misses him. She wonders why he won't talk to her. She says he'll be back. She goes on & on... & on about him.
I don't know what to say to console her. I mean, I'm not going to tell her he'll be back, when I don't really think he will be. I try to just sit there & listen, to be a sounding board. But then, I feel guilty for not giving her answers. She says she just wants to talk to him so she can have closure. I try to tell her that by his not responding, he's trying to give her closure. We have very different views on that subject.
What can I do? I'd like to just say, 'GET OVER IT!' But I do know she's hurting & it really bothers her. With us being so different in how we handle this type of thing (I tend to just shrug my shoulders & walk away, she needs to talk to them & say her piece), I don't know what to do for her or what to tell her.
Any advice?