catwmSomewhere in the middle, Florida USA6,683 posts
I think in everyday life and interactions with others close to me, actions would speak louder than words.
Online, words are the only defense/tool you have in getting to know someone that lives a distance away. You could watch behavior to an extent online, however, never really get to know the actions of that person.
so if someone, for example, says...I hate you, you are fat, you are ugly, you are stupid...but yet gives you a hug...those actions are what you remember...not the words?
Hhm ... I started to think about this to have a similiar response to Cat that in everyday life its actions and online words ..... but then I started thinking that the actions are normally a result of words spoken ..... so I think its a combination of both together and I'm not sure if they can be separated into such a simple concept.
As well I'm not "words are forever" as many times I forget things and the same thing with actions ..... so perhaps thats the brain's way of coping with loss/pain.
This reminds me of the old nursery rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" .... I don't personally believe this to be accurate with respect to the words because words have power. They have the power to encourage, motiviate, instruct, inspire as well as destroy, hurt and humiliate someone. So I guess one needs to be both careful in words and deeds to ensure a positive impact on people.
As for being online I think its the same .... people use mainly words here but there are also actions taken ..... to respond to one person and ignore another ..... tell someone that you care for them and then send a letter saying I think we should cool it .... or send a letter and not respond ..... we are taking action all the time ... we choose to say something nice, mean, spiteful, gossip beyond the scenes, the choice to lie and hurt ..... I think that there are many actions taken here.
Thanks Kris .... I'm only had one coffee .. not sure if my brain is in gear yet!! lol
Sometimes I wonder when I'm writing if I make any sense .... as I'm struggling to think it through myself to analyze how I think about something based on my own experiences and knowledge.
I have to say...Actions speak louder than Words...in every instance to me...most people (most i said...lol) can control what they say...but their "actions" come naturally to them, and they do it without thinking...and therein lies the answers to me...JMHO
I have to disagree with part of what you have said because thoughts come before actions ... you have to make a choice as to how you respond to a situation .... our brains function at speeds that we don't even realize .... so its how we perceive something and choose to respond that dictates how we respond to a particular situation.
As was i...and honestly? it took me a hell of a lot longer to get past the things my abusive ex said to me than his actions. i have found living with another person again has brought things to the forefront that i felt i had gotten over? i mean silly little things, but yet his words come to mind during situations. i find myself defensive on subjects that normally would not or should not have effect on me. I am able to shake it off and move past it quickly, knowing that its from the past and i know better than to let that into my life..but that initial reaction or feeling...is kind of a WHOA now and then. Maybe it will be different if and when its a love relationship? one with commitment and all that? or i wonder if the loved ones words would have more meaning, impact? (DUH) but would i react more or less? would a hug, a kiss, a flower...change the meaning of the words said?
There was an ancient Aztec King who wrote in a poem "My flowers (his poetic verses) will live forever." Since I read that in a Latin American Literature book in 2000, and that King lived and wrote his poems who knows when, it seems in one sense he was right (and so are you Dreamer).
keith_maleFraser Lake, British Columbia Canada370 posts
When someone's actions are inconsistent with their words it is very difficult to interpret their feelings. They're communicating inner conflict/turmoil. No positive or negative for the recipient to process. Either words or actions can be hurtful......loving words don't negate hateful actions and nor do loving actions erase hurtful words.... I have a choice as to what I perceive, that's what perception is; my choice about how I interpret something....still...I need consistincy in word & action....giving and receiving....
I mentioned the flowers because my ex would beat me, then bring flowers...i sure couldnt even enjoy them with my eyes back and blue and swollen shut LOL if a man bought me flowers after a disagreement i think id be pissed, even to this day...id much rather have a flower as a way to say i love you, than as a way to think it will bandaid.
and thanks janice, i do realize my reactions and i recover quickly. As i have said many times in many posts, i refuse to dwell on or live in the past. each person and relationship is different and it would not be fair to the new people in my life to judge them or their words/actions by what others have said/done. its not always an easy task for sure, but if i thought of ice, for example, every time i get a new email, id be runnin scared and not have met some of the wonderful people i have.
and Lutz...i agree with you too...if you call someone scum, mean it and walk away..if you call someone a friend, mean it and stick around...simply put, i realize, but i get the concept...
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Which do you believe makes more impact with you in your everyday life? Which has an effect on you longer?
Now the same thing for online relationships...is your answer the same or does it differ in some way? Why?