wonders never cease - a victimless joke! ( Archived) (23)

May 9, 2009 9:04 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK177 Threads 4 Polls 13,724 Posts
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.

As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple o f aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $399.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time...
PRICELESS!!!


smitten grin laugh
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 9, 2009 9:08 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
livinglarge
livinglargelivinglargein a good place, Kildare Ireland10 Threads 5,879 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

A good man thumbs up
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 9, 2009 9:10 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
zee1ander
zee1anderzee1anderSomewhere, Kentucky USA52 Threads 4 Polls 1,758 Posts
isn't advertising for a company against the rules?

zee
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 9, 2009 9:27 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK177 Threads 4 Polls 13,724 Posts
zee1ander: isn't advertising for a company against the rules?

zee


I guess its too late now to ask what you meant..................
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 9, 2009 9:36 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
Fallingman
FallingmanFallingmanDublin, Ireland29 Threads 12 Polls 11,436 Posts
trish123: I guess its too late now to ask what you meant..................


why?
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 9, 2009 9:44 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK177 Threads 4 Polls 13,724 Posts
Fallingman: why?


have a look at the thread "about to be banned"........

wave
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 9, 2009 9:44 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
Fallingman
FallingmanFallingmanDublin, Ireland29 Threads 12 Polls 11,436 Posts
trish123: have a look at the thread "about to be banned"........


I did. Doesn't make sense to me wave
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 9, 2009 9:45 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK177 Threads 4 Polls 13,724 Posts
zee1ander: isn't advertising for a company against the rules?

zee


ahhh, I see you have familiarised yourself with the new profile delete system Zee laugh
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 9, 2009 9:46 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK177 Threads 4 Polls 13,724 Posts
Fallingman: I did. Doesn't make sense to me


Theres not much making sense to me round here at the moment FM laugh
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 2:48 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
SirenLydia
SirenLydiaSirenLydiaBury St Edmunds, Suffolk, England UK45 Threads 2 Polls 4,138 Posts
trish123: Theres not much making sense to me round here at the moment FM


There rarely is these days.....bouquet

Great joke Trish, thanks for sharing....wave devil
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 2:52 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK177 Threads 4 Polls 13,724 Posts
SirenLydia: There rarely is these days.....

Great joke Trish, thanks for sharing....


Hello stranger - great to see you wave bouquet
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 2:55 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
SirenLydia
SirenLydiaSirenLydiaBury St Edmunds, Suffolk, England UK45 Threads 2 Polls 4,138 Posts
trish123: Hello stranger - great to see you


Thanks hun.....hug
I don't find much to keep me here these days, the invisibility
cloak is working too well....laugh

How's your garden growing?

bouquet devil
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 3:02 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK177 Threads 4 Polls 13,724 Posts
SirenLydia: Thanks hun.....
I don't find much to keep me here these days, the invisibility
cloak is working too well....

How's your garden growing?


Oh my garden smitten haha - this is the first spring for 5 yrs that I havent been at uni and bogged down with essays at just the wrong time so theres lots and lots of work to do if only the rain would let up - Im sure Rossendale has its own weather rain system laugh

Yep, the old invisibility cloak is being given a lot of use at the moment by many I suspect grin bouquet wave
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 3:09 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
SirenLydia
SirenLydiaSirenLydiaBury St Edmunds, Suffolk, England UK45 Threads 2 Polls 4,138 Posts
trish123: Oh my garden haha - this is the first spring for 5 yrs that I havent been at uni and bogged down with essays at just the wrong time so theres lots and lots of work to do if only the rain would let up - Im sure Rossendale has its own weather rain system

Yep, the old invisibility cloak is being given a lot of use at the moment by many I suspect


Funny, we are not getting the rain we need!
Tuesday onwards we should get loads thank goodness.
I have been planting and keep having to water from the
tap as the barrel is empty.
Have lost a couple of shrubs I planted last year because
it's too dry!

hug devil
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 3:20 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK177 Threads 4 Polls 13,724 Posts
SirenLydia: Funny, we are not getting the rain we need!
Tuesday onwards we should get loads thank goodness.
I have been planting and keep having to water from the
tap as the barrel is empty.
Have lost a couple of shrubs I planted last year because
it's too dry!


I have hardly had to use the hosepipe for the last few summers, what a difference in just a couple of hundred miles - I got an old dolly tub to use for a water butt and I have had to upend it as it was just a breeding ground for mossies - the lawn is like a muddy field, I mowed it for the first time last week and it felt like I was walking on foam cushions laugh The birds must love something about it though, Im sat with the windows open and their singing is a simple delight smitten

hug teddybear
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 6:09 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
sigh Seems I never said the Right Thing!crying













































rolling on the floor laughing
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 6:13 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
trish123
trish123trish123Macclesfield, Cheshire, England UK177 Threads 4 Polls 13,724 Posts
Conrad73: Seems I never said the Right Thing!



comfort grin wave
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 6:16 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
Shedman01
Shedman01Shedman01Gonzales, Texas USA16 Threads 2 Polls 1,029 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing cheering

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing wave
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 6:30 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
rolling on the floor laughing wave
------ This thread is Archived ------
May 10, 2009 6:54 AM CST wonders never cease - a victimless joke!
Fallingman
FallingmanFallingmanDublin, Ireland29 Threads 12 Polls 11,436 Posts
Conrad73: Seems I never said the Right Thing!
And Ayn Rand probably thinks every joke SHOULD have a victim! rolling on the floor laughing
------ This thread is Archived ------
Post Comment - Post a comment on this Forum Thread

This Thread is Archived

This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.

« Go back to All Threads
Message #318

Stats for this Thread

1,569 Views
22 Comments
Created: May 2009
Last Viewed: Mar 24
Last Commented: May 2009

Share this Thread

We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience possible on our website. Read Our Privacy Policy Here