Why it can be good to be a bad mother. (35)

May 30, 2009 2:22 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
I am a bad mother. I can say that without feeling guilt and await the scandalised responses from Good Parents.

See, I was reading an article today about a woman who was pushing her daughter at the park on a swing. The little girl was pleading 'more Mummy, more'

The mother was in hell, her arms were aching and her mind was stuck and she was screaming out for stimulation.

I remember and very well, when my kids would not go to bed, I would be incensed and they were demanding more and more of something, the painful times when I had to read stories to my daughter and I remember once very clearly, saying I have had enough of this.

No parent I know, would ever claim anything other than being a good parent, we see it all the time, people telling us that they are great parents.

I am not a great or good parent, I am a parent with children that I have enjoyed immensely, but I have never claimed that I am a good mother.

The term 'bad parent' means that we often look at other parents with scorn and be completelty pompous and state, 'I would never treat my children like that' We look down our noses satisfied with ourselves that we are 'good parents'

I was told when I handed over 50% of my children to my ex husband when he thought it was okay to have an affair, that I was a bad parent, because I only had my children 50% of the time.

I thought it was bloody fantastic, here I was trying not to laden my children with the hurt and anger I felt towards him, and ensuring they had a relationship with him, that it was the right thing to do, but no, I was a bad parent. They are his children too, why should ne not have them also...

I would have happily palmed off my children to anyone rather than be stuck with them 24/7 and struggling, least of all with a loving father.

I am a bad parent. In being that, I raised 50% children who now have the benefit of their mother and father in their lives and are happy with that.

Bad mother??? Damn right I am and I am proud to be one!

Up for discussion folks...
May 30, 2009 2:30 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
HomeAlone86
HomeAlone86HomeAlone86Vilnius, Aukštaitija Lithuania4 Threads 59 Posts
Although you say you're a bad mother, you're a good mother. Read your thread about your son. Could a bad mother write such beautiful things about her son?
You're wise, not bad.
May 30, 2009 2:32 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
HardStep
HardStepHardStepmalta, Xlokk Malta8 Threads 118 Posts
HomeAlone86: Although you say you're a bad mother, you're a good mother. Read your thread about your son. Could a bad mother write such beautiful things about her son?
You're wise, not bad.



thumbs up
May 30, 2009 2:39 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
HomeAlone86: Although you say you're a bad mother, you're a good mother. Read your thread about your son. Could a bad mother write such beautiful things about her son?
You're wise, not bad.


Hi homealone.

Oh yes, a bad mother can write such things, she did.

My point in this that we are all conditioned to think we are bad parents.

Like the woman who was pushing the swing, she said to the woman next to her that she was fed up with pushing the swing and the woman looked at her as if she had fed her daughter neat vodka for breakfast.

I don't doubt my abilities as a parent, at all. My children are happy and content with life, they have had alot of love poured into them and it shows, not just from me, from grandparents, their father, their stepmother and friends and so on...

My post is about soceity has led us to believe that we are only good parents.

How we are to scarifice our lives for our children and give them the best rather than concentrating on what we want as a person. We are considered selfish if we think about ourselves before our children.

And we should not be made to feel guilty about thinking about ourselves and sometimes putting ourselves before our children.
May 30, 2009 2:51 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
ghost007
ghost007ghost007swieqi, Majjistral Malta52 Threads 4 Polls 885 Posts
I agree with alot of what is said here except for the title of the thread but i assume this was chosen tongue in cheek to stimulate arguement....in order for any person to make a good parent ....numerous factors need to be taken into consideration and being a good parent does not depend on whether you spend 100 percent or 80 percent of your time with your kids. To be a good parent you have to be a a productive fulfilled human being....to be a good parent you have to consider the needs of the whole family unit and this includes the father even if he is remarried he still remains part of the childrens family unit.....to be a good parent one needs to consider the childrens development and happiness and how this can be best accomplished .....consequent of these decisions children may live with the mother..or with the father or if need be for a while with grand parents...i believe very much in the saying it takes a village to raise a child .....the mother plays an important part .....but one part ....children ultimately need to be taught to fly and mothers are individuals who also need to be given the space to fly ...once accomplished everyone is the better for it .......

as for the myth of mothers having to be there 100 percent of the time this is propogated as a form of social control over women as far as i am concerned................... peace
May 30, 2009 2:56 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
ghost007: I agree with alot of what is said here except for the title of the thread but i assume this was chosen tongue in cheek to stimulate arguement....in order for any person to make a good parent ....numerous factors need to be taken into consideration and being a good parent does not depend on whether you spend 100 percent or 80 percent of your time with your kids. To be a good parent you have to be a a productive fulfilled human being....to be a good parent you have to consider the needs of the whole family unit and this includes the father even if he is remarried he still remains part of the childrens family unit.....to be a good parent one needs to consider the childrens development and happiness and how this can be best accomplished .....consequent of these decisions children may live with the mother..or with the father or if need be for a while with grand parents...i believe very much in the saying it takes a village to raise a child .....the mother plays an important part .....but one part ....children ultimately need to be taught to fly and mothers are individuals who also need to be given the space to fly ...once accomplished everyone is the better for it .......

as for the myth of mothers having to be there 100 percent of the time this is propogated as a form of social control over women as far as i am concerned...................


Hi ghost...

The thread title was given because I knew it would attract attention as per the article in the newspaper that I read. Anything like that screams out at the public and they read it.

I agree with all you say. But I will ask this, why do parents have to be a 'good parent' therefore the opposite being 'bad' which makes people recoil in horror when the terms bad parent are mentioned.

It is a myth, I remember once on another forum where a mother had written that her son had burnt himself and she was lambasted for being careless and 'were you not watching him?'

I never watched mine all the time, but I could ensure they were safe, did not prevent my own son from burning his hand on the lawnmower or falling down the stairs. God, people are treated as suspicious if their child has a scratch these days.
May 30, 2009 2:57 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
HardStep
HardStepHardStepmalta, Xlokk Malta8 Threads 118 Posts
Sommerauer71: Hi homealone.

Oh yes, a bad mother can write such things, she did.

My point in this that we are all conditioned to think we are bad parents.

Like the woman who was pushing the swing, she said to the woman next to her that she was fed up with pushing the swing and the woman looked at her as if she had fed her daughter neat vodka for breakfast.

I don't doubt my abilities as a parent, at all. My children are happy and content with life, they have had alot of love poured into them and it shows, not just from me, from grandparents, their father, their stepmother and friends and so on...

My post is about soceity has led us to believe that we are only good parents.

How we are to scarifice our lives for our children and give them the best rather than concentrating on what we want as a person. We are considered selfish if we think about ourselves before our children.

And we should not be made to feel guilty about thinking about ourselves and sometimes putting ourselves before our children.



she said just bec she was a exhausted.... didn't mean any harm to her child. {at least that's what I think}

Sacrifices are part of most things in life.... children are one

I think selfishness would be when a person just thinks about him/her self without taking care of nothing else. In fact you said "sometimes"....
May 30, 2009 3:06 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
HardStep: she said just bec she was a exhausted.... didn't mean any harm to her child. {at least that's what I think}

Sacrifices are part of most things in life.... children are one

I think selfishness would be when a person just thinks about him/her self without taking care of nothing else. In fact you said "sometimes"....


Yes, I know she was tired, but it was the reaction of the other woman hardstep, that I struggle with.

Why do you say that children are sacrifices, do you mean that we have to make alot of sacrifices?
May 30, 2009 3:21 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
HardStep
HardStepHardStepmalta, Xlokk Malta8 Threads 118 Posts
Sommerauer71: Yes, I know she was tired, but it was the reaction of the other woman hardstep, that I struggle with.

Why do you say that children are sacrifices, do you mean that we have to make alot of sacrifices?




I can't answer such question being I don't have children but from what I see and hear around me children mean aswell a good amount of sacrifices too that I think will be worth if appreciated when the child grows up and shows gratitude...

I think that the problem is that we take to much in consideration the reaction of others.... we are all simple humans, most with different mentalities and that's a fact but non of us can point his finger being we have other four pointing our self..........

It was just the reaction of a single person.... a reaction that could have pissed me off too but if I think well about it it's not worth the candle... not worth changing the mood for.....
May 30, 2009 3:38 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
HardStep: I can't answer such question being I don't have children but from what I see and hear around me children mean aswell a good amount of sacrifices too that I think will be worth if appreciated when the child grows up and shows gratitude...

I think that the problem is that we take to much in consideration the reaction of others.... we are all simple humans, most with different mentalities and that's a fact but non of us can point his finger being we have other four pointing our self..........

It was just the reaction of a single person.... a reaction that could have pissed me off too but if I think well about it it's not worth the candle... not worth changing the mood for.....


Because you do not have nay children, does not make your thoughts any less than those people that have children. At all Hard.

Your second paragraph is right, from my point of view anyway, certainly how soceity 'places' us in roles and evidently others. We all say that we dislike judgemental people, but we make judgements on other people daily. Otherwise the people of this planet would have nothing to talk about.
May 30, 2009 3:45 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
HardStep
HardStepHardStepmalta, Xlokk Malta8 Threads 118 Posts
Sommerauer71: Because you do not have nay children, does not make your thoughts any less than those people that have children. At all Hard.

Your second paragraph is right, from my point of view anyway, certainly how soceity 'places' us in roles and evidently others. We all say that we dislike judgemental people, but we make judgements on other people daily. Otherwise the people of this planet would have nothing to talk about.


handshake

btw I have a thing in mind how to spend time {chat not included, just few letters said}, want to join devil
May 30, 2009 4:06 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
HardStep: btw I have a thing in mind how to spend time {chat not included, just few letters said}, want to join


No thanks Hard.

I am okay with this forum and another one I post on.
May 30, 2009 4:12 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
HardStep
HardStepHardStepmalta, Xlokk Malta8 Threads 118 Posts
Sommerauer71: No thanks Hard.

I am okay with this forum and another one I post on.


crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying


beer
May 30, 2009 4:15 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
Hi Hard.

Don't cry, you will water down your beer.
May 30, 2009 5:23 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
X_REBEL
X_REBELX_REBELNorth Shore, Auckland New Zealand9 Threads 921 Posts
sigh Reflection of life once you hit your fourties i suppose...drinking crying
May 30, 2009 5:59 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
X_REBEL: Reflection of life once you hit your fourties i suppose...


Given the fact that I am in my forties, then it may well be the case.

But I am not in my fourties...
May 30, 2009 6:03 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
X_REBEL
X_REBELX_REBELNorth Shore, Auckland New Zealand9 Threads 921 Posts
Sommerauer71: Given the fact that I am in my forties, then it may well be the case.

But I am not in my fourties...


I know...wine can do "magic"...soooo do you feel 17 years old tonight? ...and after the hangova tomorrow...feel 61 years old...sigh laugh
May 30, 2009 6:18 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
venere08
venere08venere08Puglia and Autumn, South Australia Australia121 Threads 2 Polls 9,996 Posts
In response to: The mother was in hell, her arms were aching and her mind was stuck and she was screaming out for stimulation.


Hi Sommer.

Sorry, it could be coz it's Sunday morning, but...have I missed some connection here?dunno
May 30, 2009 6:57 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
venere08: Hi Sommer.

Sorry, it could be coz it's Sunday morning, but...have I missed some connection here?


Hey you.

No, she wrote that felt that way. Do you want the article, I'll try to find it for you...
May 30, 2009 7:01 PM CST Why it can be good to be a bad mother.
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria133 Threads 4 Polls 12,414 Posts
X_REBEL: I know...wine can do "magic"...soooo do you feel 17 years old tonight? ...and after the hangova tomorrow...feel 61 years old...


After one glass, I feel like me, and as I have now taken you all to bed, then I will wake up feeling me. Rare I suffer with hangovers.
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