Why it is okay to be a bad parent. ( Archived) (28)

I am a bad mother. I can say that without feeling guilt and await the scandalised responses from Good Parents.

See, I was reading an article today about a woman who was pushing her daughter at the park on a swing. The little girl was pleading 'more Mummy, more'

The mother was in hell, her arms were aching and her mind was stuck and she was screaming out for stimulation.

I remember and very well, when my kids would not go to bed, I would be incensed and they were demanding more and more of something, the painful times when I had to read stories to my daughter and I remember once very clearly, saying I have had enough of this.

No parent I know, would ever claim anything other than being a good parent, we see it all the time, people telling us that they are great parents.

I am not a great or good parent, I am a parent with children that I have enjoyed immensely, but I have never claimed that I am a good mother.

The term 'bad parent' means that we often look at other parents with scorn and be completelty pompous and state, 'I would never treat my children like that' We look down our noses satisfied with ourselves that we are 'good parents'

I was told when I handed over 50% of my children to my ex husband when he thought it was okay to have an affair, that I was a bad parent, because I only had my children 50% of the time.

I thought it was bloody fantastic, here I was trying not to laden my children with the hurt and anger I felt towards him, and ensuring they had a relationship with him, that it was the right thing to do, but no, I was a bad parent. They are his children too, why should ne not have them also...

I would have happily palmed off my children to anyone rather than be stuck with them 24/7 and struggling, least of all with a loving father.

I am a bad parent. In being that, I raised 50% children who now have the benefit of their mother and father in their lives and are happy with that.

Bad mother??? Damn right I am and I am proud to be one!

Up for discussion folks...

Hi Sommer. I wasn't necessarily a great parent but I was a good parent because I looked out for my daughter's welfare since I was the only parent. Now that she is 44 years old I am no longer needed to look out for her because she can take care of herself and she has a very good husband. But every so often she will ask my opinion of something.

To be honest, when she was a little girl, she wanted to play board games and I didn't. I hated board games. I even hated having to read to her when she went to bed cause I had worked all day and I was tired. It's funny when I think back. I would try to skip around the story and she would say "you missed the part...." and then I'd have to go back and read from the beginning.

Those were the times I was a bad parent because I didn't want to do the things that little children want to do.

As she grew older I was able to relate to her better and I went on camping trips with her with the Girl Scouts, always went to school functions, PTA meetings, wherever she needed me to go, I would go WITH her.

My parents were bad, very bad parents. I was an obligation to them. My father didn't even go to my high school graduation. He thought the diamond bracelet he bought me would make up for his abence.

Hi Snuggs.

I love how you have been honest in that you say you did not want to play board games. This is exactly what I mean and what this lady stated in her article. It is okay to feel this and it is okay to say it.

How many times do we say to people on here, oh, I have always admired the way you put your child first'

We don't have to stop living to be parents and raise our children to be upstanding members of the soceity.

Too much pressure is on parents to be good parents and looking down our nose at those who can manage to successfully have a life running concurrently alongside raising children.

You were a bad parent in those times, other people tell us we are bad parents for not wanting to do the things that we should with our children, so I am saying that being a bad parent in the eyes of soceity is just bloody well okay.

I had many parents who did not come to their children's graduation yesterday...

Are they bad parents? No, they are the parents that for whatever they could not make it, I cannot make them into bad parents, by saying it was terrible that they were not there.

Ah, Sommer...I can relate to what you say here. I have been criticized as being a "bad mother" for giving my ex custody of our sons. What mother would give them up, after all, unless she was a bad mother?

What they don't bother to find out is the reasons I did it. That he was the stay-at-home parent while I supported a family of four, and that I was working very long hours. Crazy hours, because if anyone called off, I would stay. I worked some days from 10 am until 2 am, only to go in again the next morning. How do you hire a sitter for that, and how do you justify it when there is a loving parent, a good parent, who is available to be one 24/7? With no family in the area anymore, I had nobody else to watch them for those crazy hours.

Also, he threatened me that if I did take custody, I'd never see them again. In this country we have milk cartons with missing children on them. Most of those children are abducted by the non-custodial parent, never to be seen by the rest of their family again. At least I had warning this would happen.

So, I gave him custody. It was best for the children, and assured us that we would have time together, for I have never missed any of my time I am allotted with them. I hold that time sacred. It's been 10 years now. Now they are talking about moving in with me for the last few years of their "childhood"...these wonderful, zany teen years. And the door is open. They are old enough not to need a parent around 24/7 anymore, which is good, because I still need to work.

Now he can't kidnap them and convince them I'm dead, or tell them other lies about me. He has tried over the past decade to drive a wedge between us, and it hasn't worked. My sons and I are good friends, and we talk about everything. I have discussed every major decision with them for the past decade, and held their good as well as my own in mind.

I have awesome sons. I might not have been the best of mothers, but at least my sons have no doubt that I love them deeply and have always done what's best for them, and always respected them enough to be honest with them.

Am I a bad mother? Maybe. But my sons don't think so, and that's all that matters.

Sommer, my father's refusal to not go to my graduation was because he was a selfish B.

And even thought I didn't play board games and I tried to rush through the bed time story, my daughter turned out very well. I am completely proud of her. We have our momements but show me a mother and daughter that don't have words once in awhile.

Even though she is an adult, she will ALWAYS come first in my life. You are always a parent no matter how old your child is.

Dru, my husband threatened me too when we were separated. I had left him four times and had to go back to him three times cause each time I was afraid he would get custody. I am divorced 39 years and back then I didn't know the laws. I didn't know that with him being an alcoholic he would have never gotten custody but he had money so I figured he would buy his way in the court.

So was I a good parent cause I went back to live with my husband who was an alcoholic in fear of losing her. I didn't care what I had to deal with at the time. All I wanted was for my dauther to be with me under my supervision and not an alcoholics.

It gets hard at times. I know, and any mother, single or not does get worn out. I gave my kids Children's Benedryl, the proper dose for their age and weight, one night a week so I could write. I loved them, and still love them, and they love me. Would I do that again maybe, maybe not, but back then it was a method that worked for me.

I am sure that he was a selfish b Snuggs, if you feel that way about it... But that does not make all parents bad parents because they cannot make their child's graduation. In my view.

My children do not always come first, we all come first, me, them, my partner, I rank them all at #1 and can manage to fit them all in...

I do not sacrifice another person in my life for my children. If they need me I would be there, I am there even when they do not need me.

I like your last statement, yes you are a parent no matter how old your child is, you are absoutley correct, other people see it as good or bad, because soceity expects that of us.

I've been a naughty boy.
What are you going to do about it?