Balance ( Archived) (19)

Something that has become important to me lately is balance. I get help from my male and female friends. I am not a saint or a demon, either. I am not a god or an insignifacant bug. I am just a happy quirk, lol. This is just one of the groups that I feel I belong to. I got a whole lot of house cleaning this last week and for once I can be proud of my happy home. I know from being involved with the Femnists in Wichita, Kansas who had to struggle to have balance with their careers and home life that balance is an important thing. One of my ex's complaint was that there was many times that I was not there as a father and as a husband. I got to be at my daughter's graduation sitting with my ex and ex mother-in-law at the request of my daughter. It wasn't that comfortable for me but I figured if they could stand me that I could stand them for a little while, lol. My ex mother-in-law and ex both thanked me for being there. I really didn't think I had the balls to do it but I did, lol. I have found that it isn't all about me lately. I know from prior relationships that just being there can comfort myself and others even if no words are said. I got to be there for my cousin this last week to take him to jail so that he could bond his room mate out of jail. I really just wanted to go to my meeting but it didn't work out that way, lol. I got to watch this little boy so that he didn't run out in the road while his mother was talking to some one at the meeting. I was wondering if others have found the need for balance in their lives.

I have grown to understand that I am totally responsible for myself. I can not look for reasons outside of me anymore to blame for my feelings and actions.

There is a balance and harmony that come only when we assume this kind of responsibility for ourselves and our actions. As long as we feel comfortable putting blame on others, we will never be required to make the evaluations and change our own behaviors to provide that balance.

We blame others for lack of love, response, and nurturing. We blame society for keeping us from total freedom. We blame friends, lovers, teachers and even life. As long as the blame can be passed, we feel no necessity to change our own lives and provide that balance.

People who refuse to make this change see themselves helpless and hopeless and a part of an exsitence in which they have no control They comfortably sit back in self pity, waiting for love or others to put it right for them. What a waste of life.

We can only find that harmonic balance when we assume reponsibility for our own happiness. This happiness will never be generated from outside. Lasting happiness and harmony come from within. When that is with you, then people and happenings come and go, but peace remains, forever with you.

How true and beautifully stated. I blamed others in the past and waited for others to make me happy. Like you say happiness can come from within. I blamed my parents, then my surroundings, then my circumstances, then my coworkers and felt victimized. Poor me is all I could think of, lol.

Wow. I think I may have to type-set this and put in on a wall. Wonderful. Thank you.

I just read your post and your profile. Congratulations on your sobriety........I wish you much continued success. A need for balance in my life is very important to me. I spent 2 years living completely alone after my children were raised and gone. I love them dearly, but relished the peace and solitude to a degree. Then suddenly, within a 5 month period, I found myself accomodating living quarters for my daughter and son in law, my grandson, my almost 19 year old son, 2 ferrets and a boxer puppy. In order to regain some 'balance' in my life.....I became less lax about attending meetings, going to the gym, and I even started attending church once again. So yes, I think the older we get, the more we feel a strong need for balance.

An Alanoni

It takes a great deal of courage to admit that, we all could use a dose of humility.

We need this courage to meet what comes and know that whatever it is, it will not last forever. Nothing lasts forever, not pain, not peace and harmony, not even life. ( as we know it )

We need to accept the fact that the only way anything will ever be accomplished exactly as we want it, is if we do it ourselves and accept responsiblity for what happens.

So if we choose to delegate, then it is natural that the results will vary in some way from what we intended and we must learn to accept that choice.

If we have enough strength to take full responsibility for our own failures as well as our successes, then our self respect is nurtured and grows.




The important thing is to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

The alanons are like angels at our meetings. :) We get to see the other side of the story. Especially the ones still married when at the open meetings. We argue over who is sicker, lol. I have faced that empty nest thing with being a widower. I am learning how to live all over again, lol. I went to church this last week. They keep asking me to sing. I think I sound like a frog croaking but I guess they like frogs, lol. It does give a place to go to keep from isolating so bad. My one friend at the meeting invited me to prison to speak. At another meeting they are trying to get me to be a group service representative. I have been holding back but do like volunteer work. I used to cop an attitude where if I wasn't getting paid for it that it must not be important, lol. But then sometimes I think I can be my own worst enemy, lol.

I hear that. I have had to eat so much humble pie but am acquiring a taste for it, lol. Self respect is a good thing. That is one reason I got into cleaning house this last week. I got tired of looking at the mess, lol. I knew if I didn't clean it up that it would stay that way.

Aren't we all??? Both my sponsor of nine years (she's both AA and Alonon)and her husband (AA only)are amazing people. But you should see when ALL 3 of us wind up at the same meeting.