What Do you Think of This? (41)
I'd continue the gifts to the grandkids. They can't help what the parents do.
JMO
JMO
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why was ur relationship with ur kids damaged
who had custody
who had custody
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Indyfella: I'd continue the gifts to the grandkids. They can't help what the parents do.
JMO
JMO
sorry about lyour situation.
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scorpiosiren: why was ur relationship with ur kids damaged
who had custody
who had custody
I had custody but he had visitation rights. I never in a million years would have thought that he would say anything against me. But all during their growing up years, I didn't understand some of the things they said or did when they were young. I didn't understand it but I knew I wasn't doing anything to cause it. It took a co-worker I talked with to enlighten me when she said "it sounds like they are being coached". Then EVERYTHING made sense.
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newinsouth: I had custody but he had visitation rights. I never in a million years would have thought that he would say anything against me. But all during their growing up years, I didn't understand some of the things they said or did when they were young. I didn't understand it but I knew I wasn't doing anything to cause it. It took a co-worker I talked with to enlighten me when she said "it sounds like they are being coached". Then EVERYTHING made sense.
that unfortuneately happens alot, and hopefully your kids will realize what a good person you are in your own right
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newinsouth: When I divorced my husband because of physical cruelty my son was 10 and my daughter was 2. He was very bitter I was able to get a divorce and during his visitations he managed to make my relationship with my son and daughter stressful. He has since passed away but my relationship with them is still estranged. When I lived in the same state as they did, we exchanged pleasantries but nothing more. Visits to me were non-existent even when they had business in the same town. When my son had my two grandkids, I visited more than he brought them to see me. I think both of the kids had been over my house about three times. The one Mother’s Day I was treated, I had to drive an hour to their house and was taken out from there. Otherwise I just always get cards.
For Christmas I’ve been giving the grandkids each $100 gift cards and then I get something for the whole family to enjoy. Not easy because my son is a vegetarian. Sometime I would also get individual presents for the family in addition to the gift cards. I shopped and sent things to my daughter also. This past Christmas was no exception.
I was a bit disheartened when I received my Christmas present from my son and his family: A $25 gift card to a restaurant. I guess my daughter thought it was a good idea because she got me a $25 gift card too. I just thanked them for the gift and did not show that I was hurt. I would like some comments on this situation. Thanks.
For Christmas I’ve been giving the grandkids each $100 gift cards and then I get something for the whole family to enjoy. Not easy because my son is a vegetarian. Sometime I would also get individual presents for the family in addition to the gift cards. I shopped and sent things to my daughter also. This past Christmas was no exception.
I was a bit disheartened when I received my Christmas present from my son and his family: A $25 gift card to a restaurant. I guess my daughter thought it was a good idea because she got me a $25 gift card too. I just thanked them for the gift and did not show that I was hurt. I would like some comments on this situation. Thanks.
Your kids are adults now. They may feel some resentment because the family broke up but you had legitimate reasons for ending it. When we grow up we have to look at the decisions our parents make with adult eyes. A child may not be able to see the big picture in a situation but an adult should do better. If you have explained the situation to them,then you have done your best. Still keep the lines of communication open and hopefully one day they will come to understand. Keep on fostering your relationship with your grandkids.
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Indyfella: I'd continue the gifts to the grandkids. They can't help what the parents do.
JMO
JMO
But don't the grandkids learn from their parents?
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newinsouth: I had custody but he had visitation rights. I never in a million years would have thought that he would say anything against me. But all during their growing up years, I didn't understand some of the things they said or did when they were young. I didn't understand it but I knew I wasn't doing anything to cause it. It took a co-worker I talked with to enlighten me when she said "it sounds like they are being coached". Then EVERYTHING made sense.
i had somewhat of a similar situation. my ex said all kinds of things about me to my daughter. what's worse, to defend myself, i would have to tell my daughter some truths about her mother. my ex was a genius at setting scenarios like this.
for me to tell her these things would drive a wedge between not only her and her mother, but her and i as well. nobody wins.
she's a bright kid. she'll figure it out on her own, in her own time. i do not need to take happy, healthy teenage years away from her.
but.......
your kids are grown. would it make a difference if they knew the whole truth?
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tainogirl: Your kids are adults now. They may feel some resentment because the family broke up but you had legitimate reasons for ending it. When we grow up we have to look at the decisions our parents make with adult eyes. A child may not be able to see the big picture in a situation but an adult should do better. If you have explained the situation to them,then you have done your best. Still keep the lines of communication open and hopefully one day they will come to understand. Keep on fostering your relationship with your grandkids.
ONE DAY? I guess I'm a bit dismayed because of the time this has been going. It's not like I have all the time in the world any more.
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newinsouth: I had custody but he had visitation rights. I never in a million years would have thought that he would say anything against me. But all during their growing up years, I didn't understand some of the things they said or did when they were young. I didn't understand it but I knew I wasn't doing anything to cause it. It took a co-worker I talked with to enlighten me when she said "it sounds like they are being coached". Then EVERYTHING made sense.
have u ever discussed wot hqappened between u n ur husband to ur kids??????? r why they treat u the way they do????????
it must be heartbreaking for u,if i was in ur situation id be giving them a taste of their own medicine
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I have always been the giver. When the giving started to hurt is when I quit giving. I had a few holidays, of stress and regret of giving that is when I stoped. You can always send cards with words of love and value of your family and maybe they will get the point.
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pikengren: but.......
your kids are grown. would it make a difference if they knew the whole truth?
your kids are grown. would it make a difference if they knew the whole truth?
You know I had documented my whole life with my ex, from when I got married, to when I divorced him. All the 11 hell years I was with him. I figured when I was gone, the kids could read it. Then when I went to the ex's funeral, I heard my kids talking about a GOD. I couldn't even cry looking at them up there speaking and breaking up. When I went home, I tore up everything I had written. I guess it was then I realized how much I had lost and there was no getting it back.
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newinsouth: But don't the grandkids learn from their parents?
Yes...but they also learn what not to do or be.
JMO
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newinsouth: You know I had documented my whole life with my ex, from when I got married, to when I divorced him. All the 11 hell years I was with him. I figured when I was gone, the kids could read it. Then when I went to the ex's funeral, I heard my kids talking about a GOD. I couldn't even cry looking at them up there speaking and breaking up. When I went home, I tore up everything I had written. I guess it was then I realized how much I had lost and there was no getting it back.
so you suffer in silence? i'm not saying that i know what i would do. but it just doesn't seem fair tjo go through something like that, and then have your kids resent you because they were misled.
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newinsouth: ONE DAY? I guess I'm a bit dismayed because of the time this has been going. It's not like I have all the time in the world any more.
I know you've tried but you cannot control how people think. These are adults. You can give people all the information about something and they will still come to their own conclusions. Have you told them how this behaviour makes you feel? If you have then you've done all that you can. I just hope that for their sakes they do not wake up when it is too late.
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pikengren: so you suffer in silence? i'm not saying that i know what i would do. but it just doesn't seem fair tjo go through something like that, and then have your kids resent you because they were misled.
But what's the alternative? Bad mouth the dead? They wouldn't believe anything and he's not here to "defend" himself. I don't even think now that I would discuss him with them. If they didn't have the "balls" to discuss him when he was alive, I'll be damned if I talk about him now that he is dead. I sure didn't like him but it's useless and futile to talk about him now.
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tainogirl: I know you've tried but you cannot control how people think. These are adults. You can give people all the information about something and they will still come to their own conclusions. Have you told them how this behaviour makes you feel? If you have then you've done all that you can. I just hope that for their sakes they do not wake up when it is too late.
Thank you for your comments.
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pikengren: so you suffer in silence? i'm not saying that i know what i would do. but it just doesn't seem fair tjo go through something like that, and then have your kids resent you because they were misled.
Thanks for the comments.
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Created: Jun 2009
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For Christmas I’ve been giving the grandkids each $100 gift cards and then I get something for the whole family to enjoy. Not easy because my son is a vegetarian. Sometime I would also get individual presents for the family in addition to the gift cards. I shopped and sent things to my daughter also. This past Christmas was no exception.
I was a bit disheartened when I received my Christmas present from my son and his family: A $25 gift card to a restaurant. I guess my daughter thought it was a good idea because she got me a $25 gift card too. I just thanked them for the gift and did not show that I was hurt. I would like some comments on this situation. Thanks.