Advice, please...and I'm listening (77)
Oh Dru 
i can imagine you as you wrote this.
I know what i would do, I would go or i would always wonder and regret is a terrible thing. Yes, its a risk but one i think you know the answer too.
I wish you well darlin, i really what ever you decide
i can imagine you as you wrote this. I know what i would do, I would go or i would always wonder and regret is a terrible thing. Yes, its a risk but one i think you know the answer too.
I wish you well darlin, i really what ever you decide
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I really dont know witch way I would go. You know he isnt good for you but you love him. Realistically you should stay away from him, but your heart dosnt listen to reason, only what it wants to hear. Whichever way you go, remember your friends are here for you, and that we care. Stan 
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dru what a nice and a lovely words from your heart,i will listen to my heart too just follow your heart,and i wish the best for u..
what a nice and a lovely words from your heart,i will listen to my heart too just follow your heart,and i wish the best for u..------ This thread is Archived ------
I know the pain you are going through, Dru..I can feel it through your words..
I think all I will say is this: you already know in your heart what you should do, dont you?
And I think you are right..
As Thumper says, we love you, and will always be here for you. You know that..
I think all I will say is this: you already know in your heart what you should do, dont you?
And I think you are right..
As Thumper says, we love you, and will always be here for you. You know that..
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Write the pros and cons down on a piece of paper...
read them....
tear it up....
go with what your heart tells you.
read them....
tear it up....
go with what your heart tells you.
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You are a wise woman Dru and you already know there is no alternative to doing what is best for YOU. You know what must be done. A heart that is big will always find love to fill it.
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Dru,love will make you do wonderful things;
love will make you see things in life,things
that only you and that special someone can only see.
Can we live without having someone love us?
I think we can.Yet,isn't love grand?
love will make you see things in life,things
that only you and that special someone can only see.
Can we live without having someone love us?
I think we can.Yet,isn't love grand?
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Thank you, Morgan and Stan. Yes, you two know me very well. I know I can't stay away from him. I'll never be able to do that. I will have to see him and see how he's doing...even though that hurts us both.
As long as he's alive, I will remain a member of the VFW and go there occasionally. When he dies, I will rarely walk in there again...it just won't be the same, and it will hurt too much. It's a wound time won't heal...regardless.
This hurts, either way. To love him hurts, and means living alone for a long time.
To love another will hurt too...but I won't live alone, and I will be with someone that I love and who loves me in return, without fearing it.
Love hurts.
As long as he's alive, I will remain a member of the VFW and go there occasionally. When he dies, I will rarely walk in there again...it just won't be the same, and it will hurt too much. It's a wound time won't heal...regardless.
This hurts, either way. To love him hurts, and means living alone for a long time.
To love another will hurt too...but I won't live alone, and I will be with someone that I love and who loves me in return, without fearing it.
Love hurts.------ This thread is Archived ------
I don`t want to sound heartless when i write this however after reading your post. I felt compelled to write. There are 4 BILLION people out there in the world. Go find the ones that do not have those problems. Your life was fine BEFORE you met them. Your life will be fine after they are gone. You loved your late husband and will always have feelings for him and for the others. However, life is to short to fix someone or hope that THEY fix themselves. Ask for what you want. Go out! Date. Pick up a new hobby. Go on cruise vacation for (singles only), if you have the means. Do something to surround yourself with single people who are wanting to meet somone also. Go to a new church. Help out at the local arena in your city. Work or give your time freely at the local country club to meet singles. I wish you the best and know that you will make the right choice for yourself.
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dru, he can only help himself and you can only support him in that, have you had a heart to heart with him, it is hard, i married one and did not know it until later she hid it well, long story short after we separated she kept trying to come back. i had her committed to get her help she did not want that i hear she is drunk continually these days but is not my problem i walked away, know it didn't help you
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tainogirl: You are a wise woman Dru and you already know there is no alternative to doing what is best for YOU. You know what must be done. A heart that is big will always find love to fill it.
This is true. And I have a man entering my life now that wants to love and be loved, and has much in common with me. We'll meet a little later today. But we are on the same page in so many ways...and what's left can be worked out.
With Blue Eyes, there is only the love. The only other thing we have in common is the VFW. And yet...the love is strong and mutual, and the connection requires so little communication.
But to give the one I'm meeting today a chance, I have to say good-bye to any chance of any little future with Blue Eyes. And it's tearing me up.
I know I can love another just as strongly...I've done it once. But I know what it did to Blue Eyes and me. It hurt us both.
But yes, Taino. I know what's best for me...and I have to live the life that gives me the most joy with the least pain.
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isellrepohomes: I don`t want to sound heartless when i write this however after reading your post. I felt compelled to write. There are 4 BILLION people out there in the world. Go find the ones that do not have those problems. Your life was fine BEFORE you met them. Your life will be fine after they are gone. You loved your late husband and will always have feelings for him and for the others. However, life is to short to fix someone or hope that THEY fix themselves. Ask for what you want. Go out! Date. Pick up a new hobby. Go on cruise vacation for (singles only), if you have the means. Do something to surround yourself with single people who are wanting to meet somone also. Go to a new church. Help out at the local arena in your city. Work or give your time freely at the local country club to meet singles. I wish you the best and know that you will make the right choice for yourself.
I am hoping that many others here were taking notes! You made some great suggestions, Isell...which makes me wonder why you're still single. But seriously...great suggestions for meeting others.
And thank you. I had a feeling what the majority of the advice would be...I had to be ready to hear it.
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You are such a loving and giving person Dru that I am sure you rarely make decisions focusing on your own needs in life but as we get older it is only natural to think about the reducing time and opportunities that we have left and the importance to make the most of them. You say you have given and gone as far as you can in this current relationship and will not experience any return on it so it should be a no brainer to move on, IF you didn't love him !
But you do and that is the problem. Yes, you have loved and lost before and you know you are strong enough to handle that pain again. Who can advise, no one really Dru. To leave you have to do what does not come naturally to you but maybe you might find that strength from somewhere. You sure would deserve it, if it is to be.
Good luck lovely lady
But you do and that is the problem. Yes, you have loved and lost before and you know you are strong enough to handle that pain again. Who can advise, no one really Dru. To leave you have to do what does not come naturally to you but maybe you might find that strength from somewhere. You sure would deserve it, if it is to be.
Good luck lovely lady
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caspatch: dru, he can only help himself and you can only support him in that, have you had a heart to heart with him, it is hard, i married one and did not know it until later she hid it well, long story short after we separated she kept trying to come back. i had her committed to get her help she did not want that i hear she is drunk continually these days but is not my problem i walked away, know it didn't help you
Ah, Cas....we have our brief moments of a few words that make up our "heart-to-hearts". But none now for a while. Since his last revelations to me, his behavior changed to what it is now...more open publicly, and more closed off privately. He's not pulling away, and yet he is (I hope you all understood that one). I know what will happen if I try to force a real talk...but was hoping it would happen in the mountains if we got the chance to be alone for a prolonged time.
We have a lot to talk about that needs to be said. But without that alone time, it will never be said.
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What does HE say about all this, Dru? Have you talked to him the way you are talking to us about what you are feeling inside? Does he know you are on a tightrope now? Or does he think that all is well with your relationship?
If he knows how you feel...truly knows...and cannot make some changes in his life (which are more for him than they really are for you, even though it affects you), then I think you should try to move on. I know it's not an easy thing to do -- far from it -- but, for your own good, you must try to put this relationship in its proper place. Love him still, but love yourself more.
If he knows how you feel...truly knows...and cannot make some changes in his life (which are more for him than they really are for you, even though it affects you), then I think you should try to move on. I know it's not an easy thing to do -- far from it -- but, for your own good, you must try to put this relationship in its proper place. Love him still, but love yourself more.
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ladyfingers: Write the pros and cons down on a piece of paper...
read them....
tear it up....
go with what your heart tells you.
read them....
tear it up....
go with what your heart tells you.
My heart tells me two things...to give him more time and see if we have a chance. And to decide to move on, there are others out there who it can be better with, and with whom I can also find love...and who don't fear it.
No matter which way I choose it hurts, because regardless, I will never stop loving him.
My late husband knew, and he accepted it. He knew I was faithful to him, and how much I loved him, too. But is it fair to another? They won't receive less love from me for it. But my love for another will always carry this shadow in the background.
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druidess6308: Ah, Cas....we have our brief moments of a few words that make up our "heart-to-hearts". But none now for a while. Since his last revelations to me, his behavior changed to what it is now...more open publicly, and more closed off privately. He's not pulling away, and yet he is (I hope you all understood that one). I know what will happen if I try to force a real talk...but was hoping it would happen in the mountains if we got the chance to be alone for a prolonged time.
We have a lot to talk about that needs to be said. But without that alone time, it will never be said.
We have a lot to talk about that needs to be said. But without that alone time, it will never be said.
you know what you want to do and that is going to be rough if you go to camp and it don't work out, at same time if you don't you will feel you may have been able to help him... tough choices but i know you will do what is best good luck with your choice
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What we think, and how we feel don't matter to life. we are really small.Our catharsis comes from following our hearts. and that changes nothing in the big scheme of things. And we're all confused, and so might be the people you love, and so might be you.
At the same time though, our souls are endless. and in those details to the big scheme of things, we might find that tiny detail that justifies our otherwise meaningless existence. Seems there might some details you deserve to explore in this situation you are describing.
you have my genuine care for your quest. hope you will discover many things about yourself through it.
and you will
be well dru
At the same time though, our souls are endless. and in those details to the big scheme of things, we might find that tiny detail that justifies our otherwise meaningless existence. Seems there might some details you deserve to explore in this situation you are describing.
you have my genuine care for your quest. hope you will discover many things about yourself through it.
and you will
be well dru
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I did the church thing, they shy away from singles and are only interested in married couples. I went to two churches and got the same reaction. So, a third time ain`t happening. I actually met my ex at a tanning salon. I was helping a friend out who owned the place and met her. Do the same. Hanging out at the VFW is not helping you. It`s enabling them, and bringing you to their place of disfunction. Get away from the type of men you don`t want to be with. By going to the VFW, you are surrounding yourself with the kind of man you don`t want to be with. I know what I`m talking about. I quit drinking 6.5 yrs ago. I don`t do the bar thing. I`ve gotten away from those type of people that i don`t want to be with. In turn, I`ve freed myself to surround myself with the people (I) want to grow with. GL 2 You....R.
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You have seen me write about a man that I love deeply, have for many years, and that slowly progress is being made. And that he isn't ideal for me by any means. He is actually totally the opposite of what would be good for me. And the reality is that I don't see him making time for me, or us truly being able to have a real relationship. I don't see us going much further than we are now. I will always love him, and when he dies, I will bleed inside for a long time. Giving up on us will make me bleed as well, whether I am in another relationship or not. I know...I bled during my last one, despite my strong love for my late husband. I have been in the situation of having my heart love two men strongly before with him being one of them. My precious Blue Eyes...a man who loves me for who I am in every way, and knows me well. And who I know well...which always manages to surprise him.
It's not the heart disease or the diabetes, or even the fact that he doesn't take care of his health. And it's not the ED. What is making me face this decision is his alcoholism and the way he faces life. I need someone who can remain positive and love life, regardless of hardship. Someone who can stand by me. And he is not that man.
There are two men in my life right now that live locally that are those types of men, and who talk, and who want to spend time with me. Men who want a relationship. Right now, both are only friends. And maybe nothing more will develop with either of them...but it means that there are others like them out there. Men who aren't afraid of life, who can handle loss and pain without getting to the point of stumbling-almost-blind drunk every day.
I have lived with one alcoholic. I know what they're like...and he was a good one, not a violent one, just like Blue Eyes. He wasn't like this when we met five years ago. He drank pop during the week because he drives a truck locally. He only drank alcohol on weekends...and never whiskey, wine or mixed drinks, just beer. And he knew when to quit. What changed him? The loss of his sister, and my relationship with my late husband. That was a hard year for him. He worsened further with the death of his mother last year. This is how he has handled the hardships of life. To withdraw, to stop eating well, to drink more and to no longer care about living.
Yet I love him. There's a good man inside with a big heart that hurts so much. But I can't heal it for him. I can hold him, and let him lean on me if he will, and love him. But when he needs that most, he shuts me out. (And no, he hasn't now.)
We have an opportunity to go away to the mountains in two weeks to a camp. I have wanted nothing more for so long...but I don't know that it will make any difference.
I know what I would tell me. I'm reading my words as I write them. But it's not as easy from here...this is my heart that's involved, and it's a big heart with the capacity for so much love. A tender heart that takes in strays. A soft heart that feels the pain of others and just wants to make it go away. But I'm a woman who also needs to be loved freely in return, with someone who isn't afraid to live.