If You Knew, Would You Say Good-Bye? (24)
sassy49seniorItty Bitty, Nebraska USA274 Threads 4,632 PostsIf you were chatting with someone from here for several months and became very fond of that person. She/He had been honest with you from the beginning that they did have some health problems but all was OK at the time. Then one day during your phone conversation or mail she/he tells you that the specialists tell them there illness is getting worse and all they can do is stay on very potent medicine. Even though you have begun to care for this person a great deal, how would you handle this situation? I am mainly thinking of those that are senior citizens but any age group, I would like to know your thoughts.
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sassy49senior: If you were chatting with someone from here for several months and became very fond of that person. She/He had been honest with you from the beginning that they did have some health problems but all was OK at the time. Then one day during your phone conversation or mail she/he tells you that the specialists tell them there illness is getting worse and all they can do is stay on very potent medicine. Even though you have begun to care for this person a great deal, how would you handle this situation? I am mainly thinking of those that are senior citizens but any age group, I would like to know your thoughts.
I would never use a health problem as a reason to leave someone. I think that is totally selfish.
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sassy49senior: If you were chatting with someone from here for several months and became very fond of that person. She/He had been honest with you from the beginning that they did have some health problems but all was OK at the time. Then one day during your phone conversation or mail she/he tells you that the specialists tell them there illness is getting worse and all they can do is stay on very potent medicine. Even though you have begun to care for this person a great deal, how would you handle this situation? I am mainly thinking of those that are senior citizens but any age group, I would like to know your thoughts.
Does it really take any thinking to know what to do??
I seriously doubt you are the type that would just say goodbye regardless if you had met them F2F or not..
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avecaim: I would never use a health problem as a reason to leave someone. I think that is totally selfish.
this is where true frindship shines. JMO 
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I would still be there for them.
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If I was fond of him when I first first spoke to him I sure wouldn't be much of a human being to just cut off all contact with him just because of his health problem(s) for what ever reason.To me that would be cruel and selfish.
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I would be with them through the thick and thin. Try and pick them up when they are down and being their #1 support. Friendship and love should not end just because someone is ill or has a terminal illness.
I hope that you and yours are fine Sassy.
I hope that you and yours are fine Sassy.
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HJFinAZ:
Does it really take any thinking to know what to do??
...
Does it really take any thinking to know what to do??
...
Ditto
If 2 people became very fond of each other I don't understand how and why one person's illness can stop them from continuing their communication.
I mean, what is the difference except that this ill person most probably will be able spend less and less time on line?
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sassy49senior: If you were chatting with someone from here for several months and became very fond of that person. She/He had been honest with you from the beginning that they did have some health problems but all was OK at the time. Then one day during your phone conversation or mail she/he tells you that the specialists tell them there illness is getting worse and all they can do is stay on very potent medicine. Even though you have begun to care for this person a great deal, how would you handle this situation? I am mainly thinking of those that are senior citizens but any age group, I would like to know your thoughts.
True friends will be there till the very end fairweather friends come and go.You have to go with what's in your heart.
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searcher1: True friends will be there till the very end fairweather friends come and go.You have to go with what's in your heart.
I think you are right
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HJFinAZ: Does it really take any thinking to know what to do??
I seriously doubt you are the type that would just say goodbye regardless if you had met them F2F or not..
I seriously doubt you are the type that would just say goodbye regardless if you had met them F2F or not..
Thank You HJ, You are right in the fact that I could and would never walk away. An illness does not change who that person is.
But we must also think of the medication and with that comes
mood swings and some not so nice. Nothing that can change that, but hopr for a lot of patience from said person.
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searcher1: True friends will be there till the very end fairweather friends come and go.You have to go with what's in your heart.
That is very true searcher, but I am talking about more than a friendship. Although I do realize s/o are also usually friends first.
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sassy49senior: Thank You HJ, You are right in the fact that I could and would never walk away. An illness does not change who that person is.
But we must also think of the medication and with that comes
mood swings and some not so nice. Nothing that can change that, but hopr for a lot of patience from said person.
But we must also think of the medication and with that comes
mood swings and some not so nice. Nothing that can change that, but hopr for a lot of patience from said person.
What the hell Sa, you women have them mood swings with PMS..
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Shirley49WV: I would be with them through the thick and thin. Try and pick them up when they are down and being their #1 support. Friendship and love should not end just because someone is ill or has a terminal illness.
I hope that you and yours are fine Sassy.
Ditto. I hope that you and yours are fine Sassy.
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jeepers: this is where true frindship shines. JMO
Very nicely put jeepers
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sassy49senior: Thank You HJ, You are right in the fact that I could and would never walk away. An illness does not change who that person is.
But we must also think of the medication and with that comes
mood swings and some not so nice. Nothing that can change that, but hope for a lot of patience from said person.
But we must also think of the medication and with that comes
mood swings and some not so nice. Nothing that can change that, but hope for a lot of patience from said person.
Not everyone would be able to tolerate this for a long period. I know...I left a husband of 7 years because of the personality change he had due to his medication for his back pain, but only toward me. He was no different with anyone else. I think part of it was also his anger and frustration at what had happened, and at me for still being pain-free and able to work to support us. It got too ugly, and I couldn't stay. It was a hard decision, but I realized the toll that our relationship as it had become would take on our sons, and and each of us. To this day, 10 years later now, he's still that nasty toward me, and very vindictive. He will hurt our sons if it hurts me. I have no regrets over leaving. He went from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, but it was permanently Mr. Hyde, not something that came and went. The man I married died.
On the flip side, I was by my late husband's side while he was going through everything he did with his cancer despite the fact that he sometimes yelled at me and told me to leave, threatened to shoot me, and threw things at the door in his rage and frustration. The rest of the time, he was needy and scared, and I couldn't leave him alone like that even in his worst moods. But we also knew it wasn't forever.
So honestly, my ability to stand beside someone as more than a friend would really depend on how bad the mood swings were, and how often...and how long this could go on. I think if it were going to be permanent, and effectively change their personality to one that I couldn't live with, I'd probably have to step it down to friendship. I wouldn't be able to be with them long term, and certainly not able to live with them, if it were going to be that severe.
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druidess6308: Not everyone would be able to tolerate this for a long period. I know...I left a husband of 7 years because of the personality change he had due to his medication for his back pain, but only toward me. He was no different with anyone else. I think part of it was also his anger and frustration at what had happened, and at me for still being pain-free and able to work to support us. It got too ugly, and I couldn't stay. It was a hard decision, but I realized the toll that our relationship as it had become would take on our sons, and and each of us. To this day, 10 years later now, he's still that nasty toward me, and very vindictive. He will hurt our sons if it hurts me. I have no regrets over leaving. He went from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, but it was permanently Mr. Hyde, not something that came and went. The man I married died.
On the flip side, I was by my late husband's side while he was going through everything he did with his cancer despite the fact that he sometimes yelled at me and told me to leave, threatened to shoot me, and threw things at the door in his rage and frustration. The rest of the time, he was needy and scared, and I couldn't leave him alone like that even in his worst moods. But we also knew it wasn't forever.
So honestly, my ability to stand beside someone as more than a friend would really depend on how bad the mood swings were, and how often...and how long this could go on. I think if it were going to be permanent, and effectively change their personality to one that I couldn't live with, I'd probably have to step it down to friendship. I wouldn't be able to be with them long term, and certainly not able to live with them, if it were going to be that severe.
On the flip side, I was by my late husband's side while he was going through everything he did with his cancer despite the fact that he sometimes yelled at me and told me to leave, threatened to shoot me, and threw things at the door in his rage and frustration. The rest of the time, he was needy and scared, and I couldn't leave him alone like that even in his worst moods. But we also knew it wasn't forever.
So honestly, my ability to stand beside someone as more than a friend would really depend on how bad the mood swings were, and how often...and how long this could go on. I think if it were going to be permanent, and effectively change their personality to one that I couldn't live with, I'd probably have to step it down to friendship. I wouldn't be able to be with them long term, and certainly not able to live with them, if it were going to be that severe.
Dru, Thank you so much for your honesty. That is what I am looking for. As you know I do have some illnesses and I won't go into that long story. But this is something I am very concerned about. As my health is getting worse, is there really a man who could love me but also take care of me? I am not extremely educated, but I do know from going through taking care of my late husband, that this would be a relationship that would be a rather tough undertaking.
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sassy49senior: Dru, Thank you so much for your honesty. That is what I am looking for. As you know I do have some illnesses and I won't go into that long story. But this is something I am very concerned about. As my health is getting worse, is there really a man who could love me but also take care of me? I am not extremely educated, but I do know from going through taking care of my late husband, that this would be a relationship that would be a rather tough undertaking.
Yes, it is, Sassy. You're a wonderful and strong woman, but I know that even the strongest of us have our weak moments, and we want to have someone strong to lean on during those...preferably someone male whose arms feel comforting and are filled with love and tenderness for us.
You've faced many challenges with your health with a positive attitude, refusing to let this beat you. I admire you for that.
There's a difference between someone who has mood swings, and someone who has a permanent personality change, but either is difficult to take on long term. It would take a special person to do that on a level of romantic partnership. I hope you find that special person, Sassy. But I know that you'll understand and deal with it if you don't. Stay positive, my friend, and keep living life. And always know that I'm here if you need someone to talk to.
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HJFinAZ: Ssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I am messin with her..
You look so cute HJ come on over here and let me squeeze the dickens out of you you handsome creature.
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An ex girlfriend of mine was told by her doctor that she would be dead in five years. This was before i even met her. Six years after we broke up i ran into her at a gas station, she was still doing fine. I say let a person live untill they are indeed dead.
Dennis
Dennis
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