Broken people ( Archived) (108)

There's an old saying that misery loves company, and I suppose it's true. There are people out there that I call broken people. Some call them hurt people. They are the ones who have been so hurt that they can't get past it, though they say that they are, and they get into relationships, but end up hurting those that do fall in love with them.

Many of us have been broken, or hurt, people at some point or another, or we wouldn't be here. But have you truly done the work to heal and be prepared to move into a healthy relationship? Or do you still have work to do?

Why do those who are still broken, or still hurting, seek relationships with others before finishing their inner work? I know it happens, because the fall-out happens here in threads about "if someone did this to you...", the "why do all men/women" threads, and also in the bitterness that others spew onto us all at times.

Just some thoughts that a friend and I have been discussing, and I wanted to see what others had to say.

As we are healing our minds informs us we are ready to move forward. We do! Then we find out we have the ability to lie to ourself. A setback!

So we take more time to heal and the cycle starts all over again. Many times other people are involved in our circle.

All of us know the story of the 'rebound date'. We all think we won't do it and get involved in it, but we do.

Ah yes, John...I've even had a rebound marriage (my third one was that). And yes, since losing my husband, I've had my rebound relationships, and I agree that they're part of the healing process.

But what about those who never really heal, but deceive themselves and others that they are healed, continually seeking other relationships without looking within with honesty and addressing their issues?

i'll admit at the moment i am a broken r very hurt person though i wish not to persue any relationship cos im not happy and i doubt very much i cud make anyone else happy at the moment,,
i think though some people need others when they are down and maybe thats why they seek relationships

I met some people like this when I went through grief counseling after my wife died. These people seem to never heal; and, I think didn't want to heal because then it would be cheating on their partner.

Many of never know initially when we are ready to move on! Some of us know we aren't ready and use others as part of our therapy. Then others seek damaged people as a partner so they can 'fix' them.

I'm sorry to hear that you're in that place now, Scorpio. But very wise of you to be aware of it enough not to pursue a relationship right now, too.

I've honestly decided to take some time off from that myself for a bit. I have other things to work on right now, again.

I think sometimes we go through phases of being somewhat broken and somewhat healed as well. And right now, I have parts of me that are broken, and it's not a good time to get into a new romantic relationship. I'm not down, just taking a period of healing and restoring myself.

I know you'll heal eventually. Just remember, it's not your job to make anyone else happy, just yourself. It has to come from within.

There are those that cannot stand to see a person that is happy.....

thank you
it'll take a long time but i know i'll get there

Yes, I've been guilty of that lately...seeking damaged people to try to fix them, though not intentionally. It's why I'm taking time off now, to discover why I do that, and heal that part of myself before I seek a relationship again.

And it's not just those who have lost a spouse who seem to never really want to heal. Those who have been hurt through a divorce or break-up also say, "I can't"...and since there's no such thing as "can't", I see it as they must be finding comfort in their misery, and thereby don't choose to heal and move on.