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cheating (61)

Aug 18, 2009 2:02 PM CST cheating
brucedavis57
brucedavis57brucedavis57south st. Paul, Minnesota USA14 Threads 208 Posts
what would you do if you found out your mate was having an affair?
Aug 18, 2009 2:30 PM CST cheating
Phoenix
PhoenixPhoenixparis, Ile-de-France France119 Threads 26 Polls 3,530 Posts
brucedavis57: what would you do if you found out your mate was having an affair?


ASK WHY?
Aug 18, 2009 2:37 PM CST cheating
Phoenix: ASK WHY?



Show him the EXIT sign!

rolling on the floor laughing
Aug 18, 2009 3:03 PM CST cheating
heidi2765
heidi2765heidi2765GLASGOW, Central, Scotland UK7 Threads 994 Posts
brucedavis57: what would you do if you found out your mate was having an affair?



Pack his bags!!!!dancing
Aug 18, 2009 3:06 PM CST cheating
Phoenix
PhoenixPhoenixparis, Ile-de-France France119 Threads 26 Polls 3,530 Posts
twinself: Show him the EXIT sign!



Dia duit Twin....

Why show him or her the exit door...?maybe there was under lying reasons for the transgression.
Aug 18, 2009 3:13 PM CST cheating
Englishman55
Englishman55Englishman55Salisbury, Wiltshire, England UK56 Threads 2 Polls 10,613 Posts
brucedavis57: what would you do if you found out your mate was having an affair?


Put up with it for over 5 years for the sake of the family, and in the hope it was a phase, or that I could change things.

When the arguments started to affect the children, I pushed her into making a decision to stop spongeing off me and leave.

Funnily enough she was the angry one, blaming me for everything.

Should have just shown her the door the minute I found out !doh
Aug 18, 2009 3:21 PM CST cheating
Englishman55
Englishman55Englishman55Salisbury, Wiltshire, England UK56 Threads 2 Polls 10,613 Posts
Phoenix: Dia duit Twin....

Why show him or her the exit door...?maybe there was under lying reasons for the transgression.


In my case, she just got bored and was tempted by a smooth talking Italian who promised her the earth..... strangely enough, after nearly 2 years he still hasn't delivered.... not even left his wife yet !

Many women think Italians are such romantics, and yes they do have a good line in chat, which only seems to last until they get what they want..... sex, and no I'm not bitter..... releived for my childrens sake.

After 30 years together, (not a bad innings) boredom and familiarity sets in, which could I guess be a subject for another post.... how to keep it alive for so long. Probably been done already though !dunno
Aug 18, 2009 3:26 PM CST cheating
Phoenix: Dia duit Twin....

Why show him or her the exit door...?maybe there was under lying reasons for the transgression.


Dia dhuit Phoenix....

I would show him the door because I believe that as adults, with a committment to a relationship, one should speak to his/her partner about what's not working for him/her in the relationship FIRST. Once someone cheats, trust is never the same, and for me, it cannot be salvaged.



scold
Aug 18, 2009 3:35 PM CST cheating
Phoenix
PhoenixPhoenixparis, Ile-de-France France119 Threads 26 Polls 3,530 Posts
twinself: Dia dhuit Phoenix....

I would show him the door because I believe that as adults, with a committment to a relationship, one should speak to his/her partner about what's not working for him/her in the relationship FIRST. Once someone cheats, trust is never the same, and for me, it cannot be salvaged.



...But surely trust can be given back...with time...
Aug 18, 2009 3:49 PM CST cheating
Phoenix: ...But surely trust can be given back...with time...


There is much more to it than simply the issue of trust (as in one saying he/she won't do it again). Goes way deeper than that.
Aug 18, 2009 4:01 PM CST cheating
Phoenix
PhoenixPhoenixparis, Ile-de-France France119 Threads 26 Polls 3,530 Posts
twinself: There is much more to it than simply the issue of trust (as in one saying he/she won't do it again). Goes way deeper than that.


Thats something along the lines to what i said in my OP...maybe there was other reasons for the 'cheating'...maybe there was no s*xual contact, communication break-down...It's not always because someone is a serial cheater....

And as for the trust bit..if you loved the person and they loved you back then the trust issue can be sorted...
Aug 18, 2009 4:09 PM CST cheating
Phoenix: Thats something along the lines to what i said in my OP...maybe there was other reasons for the 'cheating'...maybe there was no s*xual contact, communication break-down...It's not always because someone is a serial cheater....

And as for the trust bit..if you loved the person and they loved you back then the trust issue can be sorted...


What I meant is that it goes beyond trust, in these sense of how the one cheated-on feels. In retrospect of lies etc...and the act itself, makes the victim feel like they are *nothing*, self esteem falls below 0. Cheating is a total disrespect to the partner, there is no VALID reason in my eyes for hurting anybody in that way.

**If one TRULY loved a person and was loved back**, words AND actions, then they would NOT cheat on the other. It is NEVER the solution. It is simply a selfish act.

Some might disagree, but that's how I see it.
Aug 18, 2009 4:13 PM CST cheating
brucedavis57
brucedavis57brucedavis57south st. Paul, Minnesota USA14 Threads 208 Posts
when you are in a realtionship it takes two. things go wrong, it isn't always just the others falt. usually both people play a part in it. At least thats how I viewd things in my early 30's
Aug 18, 2009 4:15 PM CST cheating
Phoenix
PhoenixPhoenixparis, Ile-de-France France119 Threads 26 Polls 3,530 Posts
twinself: What I meant is that it goes beyond trust, in these sense of how the one cheated-on feels. In retrospect of lies etc...and the act itself, makes the victim feel like they are *nothing*, self esteem falls below 0. Cheating is a total disrespect to the partner, there is no VALID reason in my eyes for hurting anybody in that way.

**If one TRULY loved a person and was loved back**, words AND actions, then they would NOT cheat on the other. It is NEVER the solution. It is simply a selfish act.

Some might disagree, but that's how I see it.


It is always possible that the person cheated on his/her partener because they felt '0' in the relationship...They where made to feel like nothing. Maybe the other person was abusive to them, insulted them...An the 'cheater' did so (cheated) out of revenge...
Aug 18, 2009 4:32 PM CST cheating
Phoenix: It is always possible that the person cheated on his/her partener because they felt '0' in the relationship...They where made to feel like nothing. Maybe the other person was abusive to them, insulted them...An the 'cheater' did so (cheated) out of revenge...
Aug 18, 2009 4:35 PM CST cheating
Phoenix: It is always possible that the person cheated on his/her partener because they felt '0' in the relationship...They where made to feel like nothing. Maybe the other person was abusive to them, insulted them...An the 'cheater' did so (cheated) out of revenge...



Oops hit the wrong button.

It is possible yes. But why cheat? If someone is treating the other so bad, they can just LEAVE the relationship. Adultery as REVENGE is NEVER going to fix a relationship. And in that case, there would not have been one anyway. A person who loves would not abuse, insult and mistreat their loved one.
Aug 18, 2009 4:42 PM CST cheating
cristina
cristinacristinaLisbon, North Holland Netherlands323 Threads 15 Polls 22,257 Posts
I dont know...apart from biting him.
Aug 18, 2009 4:45 PM CST cheating
Tulefel
TulefelTulefelGöteborg, Vastra Gotaland Sweden29 Threads 1 Polls 4,483 Posts
brucedavis57: what would you do if you found out your mate was having an affair?



Well… as I never would play a detective, i.e. check his mail, phone calls and pockets, if I found out that my spouse was cheating it would mean that he let me know that. Which in its turn would mean that our relationship was over.

What do you do when you found out that the relationship was over? You put your toothbrush into your purse and move on into a newer and brighter sunrise… Or sunset… To other horizons in general.
grin




Vpered i vverh!!!

elephant
Aug 18, 2009 4:51 PM CST cheating
brucedavis57: what would you do if you found out your mate was having an affair?


Wait for him to go out and throw his things out of the window
Aug 18, 2009 5:33 PM CST cheating
Phoenix
PhoenixPhoenixparis, Ile-de-France France119 Threads 26 Polls 3,530 Posts
twinself: Oops hit the wrong button.

It is possible yes. But why cheat? If someone is treating the other so bad, they can just LEAVE the relationship. Adultery as REVENGE is NEVER going to fix a relationship. And in that case, there would not have been one anyway. A person who loves would not abuse, insult and mistreat their loved one.


Then what about cheating on the trust....I don't mean sleeping around...Abusing the trust someone showed in you...Say for example you kept a few things back from the person.....knowing yourself it would be alright in the long run..but the other person felt cheated on....
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by brucedavis57 (14 Threads)
Created: Aug 2009
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