no more love (12)

Aug 28, 2009 6:32 PM CST no more love
needsumfuninab
needsumfuninabneedsumfuninabhardisty, Alberta Canada1 Threads 2 Posts
How long is too long to stay in a relationship thats going downhill? We have a small child together.
Aug 28, 2009 8:20 PM CST no more love
Alberta_Peach
Alberta_PeachAlberta_PeachEdmonton, Alberta Canada1 Threads 20 Posts
I don't think there is any right answer for that one. I guess when the time comes, you will know it.
Good Luck
Smiles!!
needsumfuninab: How long is too long to stay in a relationship thats going downhill? We have a small child together.
Aug 28, 2009 8:29 PM CST no more love
bestat45
bestat45bestat45saint john, New Brunswick Canada8 Threads 1,169 Posts
depends on what you mean by downhill, and how it is affecting your child. other than that only the two involved in each relationship can really tell.
in any case, good luck to you
Aug 28, 2009 8:34 PM CST no more love
Alberta_Peach
Alberta_PeachAlberta_PeachEdmonton, Alberta Canada1 Threads 20 Posts
bestat45: depends on what you mean by downhill, and how it is affecting your child. other than that only the two involved in each relationship can really tell.
in any case, good luck to you


Thats right bestat. It isn't always easy but it is best that you two figure it out. I stayed WAY too long with my ex and am regretting it. Now, I am filled with guilt over it. Sometimes you are not ready or it isn't possible. But either way, you need to think about it and discuss it as a couple if that is possible.
Good Luck!
Aug 28, 2009 11:16 PM CST no more love
KHD100
KHD100KHD100Edmonton, Alberta Canada129 Threads 3 Polls 2,495 Posts
Is it downhill because it's not as much fun as it used to be, and real life and responsibilities have taken over? or as they say, the honeymoon is over?

Relationships change when a child enters into it.

No offense to you, but did both of you go into this together and did not sit down and have the same expectations .... or realize relationships change and take work?

If you are on this site, I am assuming you have already decided it is finished ... ????
Aug 29, 2009 8:56 PM CST no more love
KHD100
KHD100KHD100Edmonton, Alberta Canada129 Threads 3 Polls 2,495 Posts
needsumfuninab: Normally i would say you were correct on everything but i have tried having weekends away and at the last minute something comes up and the weekend gets cancelled. I spend a lot of time working so when i am at home i am allways saying the I love you's and getting her little gifts basically trying everything to put a smile on her face. I'm at a loss at this point i just dont know what more i can do. I try to get her out to see shows but she never wants to go. I asked her to go see a counsellor with me about 6 months ago and she bluntly said no way. i honestly dont know what to do. I think i'm only staying in it for our child. I am a hands on father as well that does everything expected of me and more. I'm just tired of trying to put the love back into our relationship.


Geo gave great advise ... my question ... is your partner a stay at home mom?

Sometimes us females when we have a kid, change. It's not just the hormonal gave birth blues. Sometimes females forget to work on the relationship and make the child their main priority.

Getting help with a counselor usually helps, but only if both parties are willing to go and work on it.

Wish you, your partner, and child all the best. There is no easy answers in situations like this.
Aug 29, 2009 9:01 PM CST no more love
KHD100
KHD100KHD100Edmonton, Alberta Canada129 Threads 3 Polls 2,495 Posts
Sometimes when females have a baby, they give all to the child, and feel they are always giving. Sometimes, the effort of their partners, just is not the type of attention they want.

I am a female, and will admit, I have trouble figuring out why we females do what we do. We can be difficult.

Good luck.
Aug 29, 2009 10:41 PM CST no more love
gemery
gemerygemeryWilliams Lake, British Columbia Canada5 Threads 509 Posts
KHD100: I am a female, and will admit, I have trouble figuring out why we females do what we do. We can be difficult.


No truer words can be spoken. And nobody else can figure it out either....they are just so...so....emotional. laugh But we need them and love them just the same.

Actually, KHD has a good point here about the giving stuff. My step mom was like that, loved kids, adopted them and just gave and gave and she never got what she needed back. It hurt her so bad that it finally drove her to alcoholism and she became one of the wandering lost in the streets. She abandoned her entire life, her marriage, her children...everything. Just carried this burden of pain and hurt. We found out when the police contacted one of my brothers because they found her purse or something behind a dumpster in some alleyway where the street people hang out. Apparently she was known to the police and had been picked up many times and taken to the drunk tank.

So yeah, you have to figure it out. If she is otherwise a good mother, good partner then it may be worth your while to really work on it. If you start going to counseling, she may resist now, but she may also join you later. No effort goes unrewarded in some way. Lots of women have minds that change like the weather, what they say one day, isn't necessarily what they say the next day. confused

That is why some of us are here, we screwed it up but learned from it. Well at least I hope I did anyway.grin

geo
Aug 30, 2009 8:39 AM CST no more love
needsumfuninab
needsumfuninabneedsumfuninabhardisty, Alberta Canada1 Threads 2 Posts
Thanks for all the advice! I'm going to try a few new things and see where it leads us. I'm very hopefull we can get back on track.
Aug 30, 2009 11:38 AM CST no more love
gemery
gemerygemeryWilliams Lake, British Columbia Canada5 Threads 509 Posts
needsumfuninab: Thanks for all the advice! I'm going to try a few new things and see where it leads us. I'm very hopefull we can get back on track.


Atta boy. And if you need to talk it out, here we all be. Lots of good people here with sound advice and it is always good to have a new fresh perspective on things.

Just be creative!

geo
Sep 1, 2009 4:41 AM CST no more love
kizzy27
kizzy27kizzy27a south coast beach, New South Wales Australia106 Threads 6 Polls 7,413 Posts
needsumfuninab: Normally i would say you were correct on everything but i have tried having weekends away and at the last minute something comes up and the weekend gets cancelled. I spend a lot of time working so when i am at home i am allways saying the I love you's and getting her little gifts basically trying everything to put a smile on her face. I'm at a loss at this point i just dont know what more i can do. I try to get her out to see shows but she never wants to go. I asked her to go see a counsellor with me about 6 months ago and she bluntly said no way. i honestly dont know what to do. I think i'm only staying in it for our child. I am a hands on father as well that does everything expected of me and more. I'm just tired of trying to put the love back into our relationship.


honesty wopuld be a start ..
how about this


Hey honey guess what
I love you & Im not getting any love back , as a result Im miserable
Im not going to fight about this
but know i am serious
what i say next is the reality i feel .
If we dont make some time today to sit downand discuss it Im going to have to leave you
I really love you & dont want to leave you
so balls in your court what do you say
will i put the jug on or load the car ?
Good luck wine
Sep 1, 2009 4:52 AM CST no more love
kizzy27
kizzy27kizzy27a south coast beach, New South Wales Australia106 Threads 6 Polls 7,413 Posts
Oh & being on a singles site cant be great for your marriage
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