Sometimes I have to wonder ( Archived) (22)

Sep 13, 2009 5:40 PM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
Dknew
DknewDknewBarrington, New Hampshire USA262 Threads 10 Polls 7,077 Posts
Just what life is all about, I spent about 8 months talking to a wonderful woman to just blow her off when I went into a depression from not being able to find a job, and when I did get a job found myself doing the same thing I've done for years, Putting everything I have into my job and nothing into my personal life.

The last time I put everything I had into my job I had a heart attack, But it's really the only thing I know how to do as relationships seem to escape me.

Well the point of this is to say I'm sorry C. for the way I left things.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 13, 2009 5:57 PM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
RillyNiceGuy
RillyNiceGuyRillyNiceGuySoutheast, Arkansas USA839 Threads 13,003 Posts
A man is not born anything....he learns.....with books....you can learn a lifes experience for $10 and a few hours. Get some books on relationships....keep that which is good and drop the rest. You have a new goal....I know your a goal setter...read books on salesmanship as it tells of buying motives....It is the same in relationships. The basics are the same for all.handshake
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 13, 2009 6:28 PM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
francie81
francie81francie81Dunleer, Louth Ireland3 Threads 558 Posts
Life is really what you make it no one said when we arrived on the planet that it will be the perfect ride its all about the learning curve.

I just booked a flight lesson the weekend which I'll take on the 27th my reason being because I think flying is something I should have always done but I'll know then if its for me or not, so I can push the whole dating game aside and concentrate and something which could be more worthwhile and at the same time am finding out who I am.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 13, 2009 6:36 PM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
Englishman55
Englishman55Englishman55Salisbury, Wiltshire, England UK31 Threads 2 Polls 6,405 Posts
Dknew: Just what life is all about, I spent about 8 months talking to a wonderful woman to just blow her off when I went into a depression from not being able to find a job, and when I did get a job found myself doing the same thing I've done for years, Putting everything I have into my job and nothing into my personal life.

The last time I put everything I had into my job I had a heart attack, But it's really the only thing I know how to do as relationships seem to escape me.

Well the point of this is to say I'm sorry C. for the way I left things.


Hi,
I have spent many years putting my all into work, because I thought thats what she wanted, and I thought it would make the relatoionship stronger..... wrong....
So I recently spent 8 months ( like you) working on putting everything I had into the realtionship.

I have kept quite, because I know I can be opinionated, I let her do everything she wanted for fear of being accused of being a control freak, I ket her dictate to me, her terms for the relationship.... but did that work !


Be yourself, who you are, and not let anybody affect you.... your life !
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 13, 2009 6:39 PM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
sxc666
sxc666sxc666unknown, Queensland Australia51 Threads 16,853 Posts
Dknew: Just what life is all about, I spent about 8 months talking to a wonderful woman to just blow her off when I went into a depression from not being able to find a job, and when I did get a job found myself doing the same thing I've done for years, Putting everything I have into my job and nothing into my personal life.

The last time I put everything I had into my job I had a heart attack, But it's really the only thing I know how to do as relationships seem to escape me.

Well the point of this is to say I'm sorry C. for the way I left things.
sad flower hug
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 5:07 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
gangel
gangelgangelPlovdiv, Bulgaria, Hampshire, England UK52 Threads 16 Polls 5,028 Posts
hug
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 7:29 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
HJFinAZ
HJFinAZHJFinAZSun CIty, Arizona USA870 Threads 1 Polls 17,068 Posts
Dknew: Just what life is all about, I spent about 8 months talking to a wonderful woman to just blow her off when I went into a depression from not being able to find a job, and when I did get a job found myself doing the same thing I've done for years, Putting everything I have into my job and nothing into my personal life.

The last time I put everything I had into my job I had a heart attack, But it's really the only thing I know how to do as relationships seem to escape me.

Well the point of this is to say I'm sorry C. for the way I left things.


I know the "FEELING" Dan......... For the past year and a half I have put my all into caring for my elderly mother, neglecting my needs while doing it. I do not think I was in a depression, I do not think I was but then I ain't no doctor. I have held a therapist license so I do know how to recognize the signs. I was being extremely co-dependent though, I have no doubts there.

Long ago I learned to live with and be very happy with myself. Take a hard look at what is available. Do you see a relationship you would really want??dunno

We all play a role, so many easily place all blame on another..doh
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 7:30 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
HJFinAZ
HJFinAZHJFinAZSun CIty, Arizona USA870 Threads 1 Polls 17,068 Posts
The odds are good, but the goods are odd..grin
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 9:15 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
stefonline
stefonlinestefonlineDublin, Ireland136 Threads 9,702 Posts
Dknew: Just what life is all about, I spent about 8 months talking to a wonderful woman to just blow her off when I went into a depression from not being able to find a job, and when I did get a job found myself doing the same thing I've done for years, Putting everything I have into my job and nothing into my personal life.

The last time I put everything I had into my job I had a heart attack, But it's really the only thing I know how to do as relationships seem to escape me.

Well the point of this is to say I'm sorry C. for the way I left things.



So sorry about this DK.....maybe C may understand and forgive you and come back but you have to make changes too....learn from this...wave
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 9:19 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
mbcasey
mbcaseymbcaseyNorth Myrtle Beach, South Carolina USA68 Threads 7 Polls 16,449 Posts
stefonline: So sorry about this DK.....maybe C may understand and forgive you and come back but you have to make changes too....learn from this...
thumbs up
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 9:19 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
stefonline
stefonlinestefonlineDublin, Ireland136 Threads 9,702 Posts
HJFinAZ: I know the "FEELING" Dan......... For the past year and a half I have put my all into caring for my elderly mother, neglecting my needs while doing it. I do not think I was in a depression, I do not think I was but then I ain't no doctor. I have held a therapist license so I do know how to recognize the signs. I was being extremely co-dependent though, I have no doubts there.

Long ago I learned to live with and be very happy with myself. Take a hard look at what is available. Do you see a relationship you would really want??

We all play a role, so many easily place all blame on another..



Hi Pat,

I know what you are saying Pat and we all put others needs before our own not because we are forced to but it's the right thing to do at the time...and while we do this time is passing us by and there never seems to be a right time...I guess we have to make that right time.....wave
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 9:21 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
stefonline
stefonlinestefonlineDublin, Ireland136 Threads 9,702 Posts
Hi MB how are you....we all make mistakes over and over and over again and if we dont make the changes they keep on happening.....and I know how it hurts and it is a sad time too....


I see work very differently as only a means to an end and nothing more....remember we are all but numbers....wave
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 9:49 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
Scubadiva
ScubadivaScubadivaNew Jersey, USA106 Threads 11 Polls 2,689 Posts
Hopefully "C" will understand.

It's the 'all-American disease' as I call it. Works comes first, family/relationships/health second sigh When the latter fails, the former is always there for you. The trick is in finding an equilibrium and balance. Maybe making a conscious choice to separate the two and to dedicate less time to one and more to the other will help in the future. I hope you'll find a way to create some harmony in your life so that you don't end up with a second heart attack.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 10:00 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
cameraman
cameramancameramanSt. Petersburg, Florida USA29 Threads 19 Polls 2,501 Posts
When working is very important having a personal life is very hard to maintain. I haven't worked in 18 years so was able to enjoy my personal life but within limits. During the week I just keep to myself in my apartment surfing the Internet while listening to music or playing video games or wtching movies. Only on the weekends do I go out to the beach or bars. I have met a few women but I was not interested into being into a relationship. We are just good friends that meet on weekends now and then. Sooo think about that heart attack and that wonderful woman and consider which is the one you should work on more MHO.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 10:02 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
RobertC2
RobertC2RobertC2Xaghra, Gozo, Gozo Malta91 Threads 8 Polls 8,344 Posts
Englishman55: Hi,
I have spent many years putting my all into work, because I thought thats what she wanted, and I thought it would make the relatoionship stronger..... wrong....
So I recently spent 8 months ( like you) working on putting everything I had into the realtionship.

I have kept quite, because I know I can be opinionated, I let her do everything she wanted for fear of being accused of being a control freak, I ket her dictate to me, her terms for the relationship.... but did that work !Be yourself, who you are, and not let anybody affect you.... your life !


You can't spend 24/7 working or 24/7 making love - so you need to find a balance........... simple as that!
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 10:05 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
Polarbutterfly
PolarbutterflyPolarbutterflyunknown, Northwest Territories Canada115 Threads 9,486 Posts
So true.thumbs up
RobertC2: You can't spend 24/7 working or 24/7 making love - so you need to find a balance........... simple as that!
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 10:08 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
RobertC2
RobertC2RobertC2Xaghra, Gozo, Gozo Malta91 Threads 8 Polls 8,344 Posts
Thanks - 50/50? batting

ok - 33% working, 17.5% relaxing and cooking and shopping etc, 17.5% making love and 33% sleeping?

and the other 1% - meditation? grin
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 10:08 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
RobertC2
RobertC2RobertC2Xaghra, Gozo, Gozo Malta91 Threads 8 Polls 8,344 Posts
RobertC2: Thanks - 50/50?

ok - 33% working, 17.5% relaxing and cooking and shopping etc, 17.5% making love and 33% sleeping?

and the other 1% - meditation?


My Math is crap! - delete 17.5% and insert 16.5% lips
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 10:12 AM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
Godsgift
GodsgiftGodsgiftEnnis, Clare Ireland251 Threads 13 Polls 10,040 Posts
Dknew: Just what life is all about, I spent about 8 months talking to a wonderful woman to just blow her off when I went into a depression from not being able to find a job, and when I did get a job found myself doing the same thing I've done for years, Putting everything I have into my job and nothing into my personal life.

The last time I put everything I had into my job I had a heart attack, But it's really the only thing I know how to do as relationships seem to escape me.

Well the point of this is to say I'm sorry C. for the way I left things.


For what it's worth, I know what you mean without the heart attack.I'm a workaholic myself and no stranger to depression. Can I suggest you time manage yourself. Decide how many days per week you will work and how many hours per day and force yourself to stick to that.

Then do the same with your relationships and friendships and espescially make time just for yourself and the things that you enjoy doing.

I know when I'm in workaholic phase, I eventually just go numb and feel nothing which is a bit of an ordeal for those who care about me. Life really is too short. Plenty folk in the graveyard left big bank balances and it's a cliche but it's true. Nobody ever said on their death bed, I Wish I'd Spent More Time At Work.

Now if I can follow my own advice! All the best.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sep 14, 2009 1:02 PM CST Sometimes I have to wonder
In response to: Just what life is all about, I spent about 8 months talking to a wonderful woman to just blow her off when I went into a depression from not being able to find a job, and when I did get a job found myself doing the same thing I've done for years, Putting everything I have into my job and nothing into my personal life.

The last time I put everything I had into my job I had a heart attack, But it's really the only thing I know how to do as relationships seem to escape me.

Well the point of this is to say I'm sorry C. for the way I left things.



Dan this no way shape or form is meant in a mean spirted way but maybe if you would've explained to C that you were in dire straits from the very begining and that you needed some space to get yourself straightened out she may have understood and not been upset with how you handled/left things.I learned along time ago that I have to take care of MY needs first and foremost.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Post Comment - Post a comment on this Forum Thread

This Thread is Archived

This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.

« Go back to All Threads
Message #318

Stats for this Thread

985 Views
21 Comments
by Dknew (262 Threads)
Created: Sep 2009
Last Viewed: Mar 25
Last Commented: Sep 2009

Share this Thread

We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience possible on our website. Read Our Privacy Policy Here