What do you tell a child when they ask why their mother/father isn't in the picture? (49)
caffinatedscranton, Pennsylvania USA6 Threads 28 PostsWhat do you tell a child when they ask why their mother/father isn't in the picture? My son is a year and a half, and I'm dreading the day when he asks me where his father is.
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Personally I think the only road to go down is the 'truthful' one. 
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Tell him that he works for Santa Claus. 
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sxc666: Personally I think the only road to go down is the 'truthful' one.
I can't tell him that his bio dad didn't want him.------ This thread is Archived ------
caffinated: I can't tell him that his bio dad didn't want him.
I don't think there a perfect answer all I can say is be there for him and love him.My Father was never there for me but my mother did everthing for me and I love her for that.
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caffinated: I can't tell him that his bio dad didn't want him.
When he is able to understand. Just explain that some people think only of themselves and not having anytime to keep them from doing what they want is part of that. It is kind of like being born without a heart. His bio father is just missing a part.....like a toy with out a motor....it just doesn't work right. Its not his fault his dad is like that. Kids are smart and understand more than we give them credit for. Just watch it as time goes by.
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ask a specialist as it is important
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In response to: What do you tell a child when they ask why their mother/father isn't in the picture? My son is a year and a half, and I'm dreading the day when he asks me where his father is.
My granddaughter has been with me since she was 18 mos. old and she will be 4 Jan. 1st. She has no idea who her mother is suppose to be as I am her Momma/Mommy, my mother is her Grandmother/Mother. Her father my son never sees her, but she remembers who he is and calls him her friend. More than likely the question will not come up. It hasn't with me and I had expected it to before now.
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caffinated: What do you tell a child when they ask why their mother/father isn't in the picture? My son is a year and a half, and I'm dreading the day when he asks me where his father is.
I told him... go and clean your room ....
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Depending on the reasons they're not there in the childs life, I'd still say stick to the truth or as close to it as possible, and without slagging the other off...
That's what I plan to do anyway...
That's what I plan to do anyway...
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Olsojente: Depending on the reasons they're not there in the childs life, I'd still say stick to the truth or as close to it as possible, and without slagging the other off...
That's what I plan to do anyway...
That's what I plan to do anyway...
Absolutely Close to truth as possible, as if you lie to then they will disrespect YOU for lieing, so u may just say mom and dad couldnt get along and it is sad but you live with Mom, that is the truth and it will be honored, as he grows up,,
would you want the truth, or a santa clause story????
They want the truth too Dear
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HotrodLarrys: Absolutely Close to truth as possible, as if you lie to then they will disrespect YOU for lieing, so u may just say mom and dad couldnt get along and it is sad but you live with Mom, that is the truth and it will be honored, as he grows up,, would you want the truth, or a santa clause story????
They want the truth too Dear
They want the truth too Dear
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Thanks
Nice to see you
Yes Kids dont forget and will resent you if you lead them wrong, but if you speak the truth and teackh it to them, They will Honor You FOREVER, you wont break them away, because they know you are true, And truth becomes Trust, trust becomes Love! 
Nice to see you Yes Kids dont forget and will resent you if you lead them wrong, but if you speak the truth and teackh it to them, They will Honor You FOREVER, you wont break them away, because they know you are true, And truth becomes Trust, trust becomes Love!
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HotrodLarrys: Absolutely Close to truth as possible, as if you lie to then they will disrespect YOU for lieing, so u may just say mom and dad couldnt get along and it is sad but you live with Mom, that is the truth and it will be honored, as he grows up,, would you want the truth, or a santa clause story????
They want the truth too Dear
They want the truth too Dear
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truth does matter to him but..if told in a wrong way may affec whole his life.a close friend of mine,when he was 3 years old lost his dad in Iran-Iraq war,somebody told him that Saddam Hosein killed his dad,he is 31 now,happily married with 2 sons,stiil see Saddam in his nightmares.please do consult with a specialist.
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caffinated: What do you tell a child when they ask why their mother/father isn't in the picture? My son is a year and a half, and I'm dreading the day when he asks me where his father is.
This post nearly brings me to tears! My boy is my life, and I'd walk through fire for him. I have no idea how to answer this...I'm sorry
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caffinated: I can't tell him that his bio dad didn't want him.
THen what's the alternative?
Lie to the kid and have her/him get this false image in their head, only to have it dashed when/if they ever DO meet him.
You HAVE to tell the truth, or else you're the baddie later on in life.
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illu_66: THen what's the alternative?
Lie to the kid and have her/him get this false image in their head, only to have it dashed when/if they ever DO meet him.
You HAVE to tell the truth, or else you're the baddie later on in life.
I agree with you, when my daughter was 7yrs my step son died in a car accident they were pretty close, while i was supporting my husband and trying to sort things out my children stayed with my sister, so we didn't tell her what had happened, partly because i didn't know how to.Lie to the kid and have her/him get this false image in their head, only to have it dashed when/if they ever DO meet him.
You HAVE to tell the truth, or else you're the baddie later on in life.
When she became older she asked why i didn't tell her and was angry about it, we talked it thro and she understood i was trying to protect her, but you can't do that forever and i was wrong but at the time thought i was doing the right thing.
Different scenario i know, but same principle its better to be honest, just think carefully about how you do it.
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Hi Caffinated,
Geez, looking at your profile I'll bet it won't be long odds that you won't be bringing up this boy alone. The truth almost always works best and if he wants to know one day why his biodad isn't in the pic, then you'll have to explain that the "Donor" was a person who didn't have the balls to bring a person from boyhood to manhood and figured it best to just jet. When a partner shows up in your life that will be there through the formative years THAT person will be your son's other parent. Words like "Mom" and "Dad" aren't always considered as the TITLES they deserve to be.
They are EARNED titles that a person grows into and lives up to EVERY day. I have grown sons, daughters and grandchildren and still I try to grow into the Title of Dad and Popop every day. I never regret being a parent, it's a job I volunteered for when that "Gleam" was gleamed and sweet nothings whispered a long time ago. Good luck; you're in for a great, rewarding adventure if you let it be.
Geez, looking at your profile I'll bet it won't be long odds that you won't be bringing up this boy alone. The truth almost always works best and if he wants to know one day why his biodad isn't in the pic, then you'll have to explain that the "Donor" was a person who didn't have the balls to bring a person from boyhood to manhood and figured it best to just jet. When a partner shows up in your life that will be there through the formative years THAT person will be your son's other parent. Words like "Mom" and "Dad" aren't always considered as the TITLES they deserve to be.
They are EARNED titles that a person grows into and lives up to EVERY day. I have grown sons, daughters and grandchildren and still I try to grow into the Title of Dad and Popop every day. I never regret being a parent, it's a job I volunteered for when that "Gleam" was gleamed and sweet nothings whispered a long time ago. Good luck; you're in for a great, rewarding adventure if you let it be.
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morgan5: I agree with you, when my daughter was 7yrs my step son died in a car accident they were pretty close, while i was supporting my husband and trying to sort things out my children stayed with my sister, so we didn't tell her what had happened, partly because i didn't know how to.
When she became older she asked why i didn't tell her and was angry about it, we talked it thro and she understood i was trying to protect her, but you can't do that forever and i was wrong but at the time thought i was doing the right thing.
Different scenario i know, but same principle its better to be honest, just think carefully about how you do it.
When she became older she asked why i didn't tell her and was angry about it, we talked it thro and she understood i was trying to protect her, but you can't do that forever and i was wrong but at the time thought i was doing the right thing.
Different scenario i know, but same principle its better to be honest, just think carefully about how you do it.
I've also been on the receiving end - I split with my wife and we had a 10 month daughter, whom I adore(d). Whilst the split was far from pleasant she has, over these past 13 years, always maintained to my daughter that 'daddy really loved her'. I owe her a serious thanks for that.
I found my daughter again 3 months ago and, thanks to the honesty of 'mum' (albeit opposite to YOUR required honesty), I have a daughter who loves me and is happy that her mum was honest about me.
Do what's right for your child, NOT what's easy for you!
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Created: Oct 2009
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