Relocation, relationship "on hold"... ( Archived) (53)

Oct 13, 2009 1:02 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
ainegirl
ainegirlainegirlAlbany, Oregon USA1 Threads 7 Posts
Ok, so I've been hearing from family that the man of my dreams was wrong to feel the way he did. I recently relocated back to my home state because of several personal reasons and unfinished business, and the man I was seeing wasn't willing to come with me. I understood that, he has a good job, a great house, he's built his life where he was. He wasn't ready for a commitment either, so I wasn't able to pin down a time for my return, if ever. That made it impossible in his eyes to stay together, as there is now an entire state and then some between us. Therefore, tho he loves me and I adore him, he wants us to split. He said he considders it on hold, as he'd be willing to take it up again if I decided to go back.

My question is, some have said that if he loves me enough, he should go out of his way to make sure we're together, even if it means begging me to go back. I know him, and that's not him. I wouldn't love him as much if he wasn't who he is, so I'm not faulting him. Who's right? Should I give up on him cause he "doesn't love me enough to be selfish", or keep my feelings for him alive somewhere inside me because he's amazing?
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Oct 13, 2009 1:10 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
I think this may require some time to think it over thoroughly. No need for either to hastily make any decisions.
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Oct 13, 2009 1:13 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
wildkitty
wildkittywildkittymt.view, Oklahoma USA34 Threads 1 Polls 1,308 Posts
hm that is tough, i can understand both circumstances, but yet, there gotta be a compromise somewhere, but at the same time if he doesn't want a commitment then i think its better off left alone, i had a similar situation, but he didn't even want to drive to where i'm at for a date, it was always me that had to go to him, i finally just told him where to go. it wasn't worth my time an effort if he wasn't willing to at least come to me sometimes, he finally said he didn't want a committment even though that wasn't what i was asking of him, i had car issues and money issues and he couldn't come to my town at all., we only lived about an hour an half from each other, .. i decided he wasn't worth it. thumbs up good luck..
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Oct 13, 2009 2:28 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
Yash124g
Yash124gYash124gEdinburgh, Lothian, Scotland UK9 Threads 1 Polls 1,237 Posts
It is a very difficult dillema to be in, and I'm unsure of the distance involved, however, for the time & effort you both have already put into your relationship, is it not worth trying to keep it going no matter the distance??

You can arrange to meet every month or so, at each others home, (that way he gets to meet your family), and with the web, nothing to stop you talking every day on cam.... Okay, it is not ideal, but see how you both find things that way & as you say, your situation may change & you can return.. I would expect him to at least make the effort to begin with, not finish it due to your priorities changing when he fully understands the position you are in... to me its the easy way out for him & if he's not willing to put the effort in now, who says he will when you really need his support??? Hope you can work something out but sounds like he's already made his mind up.. comfort
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Oct 13, 2009 2:51 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
HavinFuninTx
HavinFuninTxHavinFuninTxNorth of Houston, Texas USA2 Threads 226 Posts
ainegirl: .... Therefore, tho he loves me and I adore him, he wants us to split. He said he considders it on hold, as he'd be willing to take it up again if I decided to go back.


No offense but if it was his idea to split, it sounds like he is not all that into you. Especially if he is not ready to commit. If I really wanted someone, I would not suggest splitting right away. It really depends on when he suggested the split....before or after you left.

If before...then sounds like he isn't into you. If after... depending on how long after you left...he may have found other options already that he may not be sure will pan out...hence the keeping the relationship on hold comment. Or he may just be all that busy he really does not have time for a relationship.

There are really too many unknowns here for any real advice.dunno
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Oct 13, 2009 2:52 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
gingerb
gingerbgingerbLetterkenny, Donegal Ireland7 Threads 1 Polls 4,139 Posts
You are listening to other people too much.

Do you want to be right, or be happy?
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Oct 13, 2009 3:01 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
seekndestroy
seekndestroyseekndestroySeattle, Washington USA15 Threads 4,736 Posts
ainegirl: Ok, so I've been hearing from family that the man of my dreams was wrong to feel the way he did. I recently relocated back to my home state because of several personal reasons and unfinished business, and the man I was seeing wasn't willing to come with me. I understood that, he has a good job, a great house, he's built his life where he was. He wasn't ready for a commitment either, so I wasn't able to pin down a time for my return, if ever. That made it impossible in his eyes to stay together, as there is now an entire state and then some between us. Therefore, tho he loves me and I adore him, he wants us to split. He said he considders it on hold, as he'd be willing to take it up again if I decided to go back.

My question is, some have said that if he loves me enough, he should go out of his way to make sure we're together, even if it means begging me to go back. I know him, and that's not him. I wouldn't love him as much if he wasn't who he is, so I'm not faulting him. Who's right? Should I give up on him cause he "doesn't love me enough to be selfish", or keep my feelings for him alive somewhere inside me because he's amazing?


are you serious !!!!!

c'mon... its all about yall womens nowadays... he should quit his job, end any and all friendships, say goodbye to his family for he will no longer see them again.... sell his house (at a loss considering the economy) and run to you..... and you should not expect anything less...

and once he gets to where you are, you should securely attache the spiked chain collar around his neck and make him do everything you want.... make sure the spikes are aimed in and not out !!!!!

and if he ever complains that he did all this for YOU, make sure to remind him that IT MEN'S duty to cater to yall and that he is priviledged to have such a controlling woman love him so much !!!

doh doh doh
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Oct 13, 2009 3:05 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
kizzy27
kizzy27kizzy27a south coast beach, New South Wales Australia106 Threads 6 Polls 7,413 Posts
Finish yr business & go back


Why give up a good thing dunno
There not that easy to find you know wine
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Oct 13, 2009 3:07 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
Amira
AmiraAmiraLimassol, Cyprus163 Posts
kizzy27: Finish yr business & go back Why give up a good thing
There not that easy to find you know


What "good thing"????dunno confused
He wanted to split...he gave up!!!!!!!!!!grin
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Oct 13, 2009 3:10 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
HealthyLiving
HealthyLivingHealthyLivingSomewhere In, Tennessee USA527 Threads 2 Polls 4,775 Posts
seekndestroy: are you serious !!!!!

c'mon... its all about yall womens nowadays... he should quit his job, end any and all friendships, say goodbye to his family for he will no longer see them again.... sell his house (at a loss considering the economy) and run to you..... and you should not expect anything less...

and once he gets to where you are, you should securely attache the spiked chain collar around his neck and make him do everything you want.... make sure the spikes are aimed in and not out !!!!!

and if he ever complains that he did all this for YOU, make sure to remind him that IT MEN'S duty to cater to yall and that he is priviledged to have such a controlling woman love him so much !!!



Geeze! You sound like a real woman hater!

You've got issues dude!!
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Oct 13, 2009 3:17 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
seekndestroy
seekndestroyseekndestroySeattle, Washington USA15 Threads 4,736 Posts
HealthyLiving: Geeze! You sound like a real woman hater!

You've got issues dude!!


im actually im kind of fond of women...... somewhat !! so no... im not a woman hater

just a "common sense challenged" hater.....doh doh doh

as for my issues...... well, at least i admit i have some!!!!!

cool
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Oct 13, 2009 5:52 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
kissmedeeply
kissmedeeplykissmedeeplyPetitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada70 Threads 15,139 Posts
It sounds to me he is just not that into you..

My Husband up and left everything..

Nursing Job...

Family..

Friends..

Somewhere beautiful and Warm...

But i didnt make him to move to Canada that was his choice by all means..but what i read it sounds like to many excuses..

But its you that has to live with the decision not us or anyone else..

Go with ur gut feeling..

All the best to youbouquet
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Oct 13, 2009 6:02 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
hopefloats
hopefloatshopefloatsSlim's Lady, Tennessee USA51 Threads 6,660 Posts
When "ya know" something is right, you do all that you can "willingly" to make it happen.

Just my opiniondrinking
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Oct 13, 2009 6:24 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
ainegirl: Ok, so I've been hearing from family that the man of my dreams was wrong to feel the way he did. I recently relocated back to my home state because of several personal reasons and unfinished business, and the man I was seeing wasn't willing to come with me. I understood that, he has a good job a great house, he's built his life where he was. He wasn't ready for a commitment either, so I wasn't able to pin down a time for my return, if ever. That made it impossible in his eyes to stay together, as there is now an entire state and then some between us. Therefore, tho he loves me and I adore him, he wants us to split. He said he considders it on hold, as he'd be willing to take it up again if I decided to go back.

My question is, some have said that if he loves me enough, he should go out of his way to make sure we're together, even if it means begging me to go back. I know him, and that's not him. I wouldn't love him as much if he wasn't who he is, so I'm not faulting him. Who's right? Should I give up on him cause he "doesn't love me enough to be selfish", or keep my feelings for him alive somewhere inside me because he's amazing?
We haven't even heard his side of the story only your side and based on that If I were him I would drop you like a burning log. What are you bringing to the party? You sound like a spoiled brat!
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Oct 13, 2009 6:31 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
stefonline
stefonlinestefonlineDublin, Ireland136 Threads 9,702 Posts
Some things are worth fighting for.....you have to meet someone half way....finish whatever it is you have to finish and tell him you will go back but only if you really want to and do be careful mind that just because you go back that he dose not see it as a control thing....

He sounds like a nice guy from what you are saying, stable and secure....hard to find these days....best wishes...wave hug
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Oct 13, 2009 6:33 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
stefonline
stefonlinestefonlineDublin, Ireland136 Threads 9,702 Posts
ooby_dooby: We haven't even heard his side of the story only your side and based on that If I were him I would drop you like a burning log. What are you bringing to the party? You sound like a spoiled brat!



Now Ooby dont you think that was a bit harsh....the girl is just saying it as it comes out...give her a chance...conversing
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Oct 13, 2009 6:35 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
stefonline
stefonlinestefonlineDublin, Ireland136 Threads 9,702 Posts
seekndestroy: im actually im kind of fond of women...... somewhat !! so no... im not a woman hater

just a "common sense challenged" hater.....

as for my issues...... well, at least i admit i have some!!!!!



You know seek...cant you just give it a rest for a moment....people grow tired of your macho egotistical ways....give it a rest please for the sake of us all....wine
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Oct 13, 2009 6:37 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
stefonline
stefonlinestefonlineDublin, Ireland136 Threads 9,702 Posts
seekndestroy: are you serious !!!!!

c'mon... its all about yall womens nowadays... he should quit his job, end any and all friendships, say goodbye to his family for he will no longer see them again.... sell his house (at a loss considering the economy) and run to you..... and you should not expect anything less...

and once he gets to where you are, you should securely attache the spiked chain collar around his neck and make him do everything you want.... make sure the spikes are aimed in and not out !!!!!

and if he ever complains that he did all this for YOU, make sure to remind him that IT MEN'S duty to cater to yall and that he is priviledged to have such a controlling woman love him so much !!!



Just because you had so many Shi**y women experiences dont come in here and take it out on all the ladies in the forums....keep your zipper closed....conversing
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Oct 13, 2009 6:39 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
Godsgift
GodsgiftGodsgiftEnnis, Clare Ireland251 Threads 13 Polls 10,040 Posts
I want, I want, I want...is all I hear. You were the one who moved and before I get all this woman hater crap, I would have said the same to a man who told me the same story. You sound like you want it all on your own terms.
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Oct 13, 2009 6:48 AM CST Relocation, relationship "on hold"...
bestat45
bestat45bestat45saint john, New Brunswick Canada8 Threads 1,169 Posts
Godsgift: I want, I want, I want...is all I hear. You were the one who moved and before I get all this woman hater crap, I would have said the same to a man who told me the same story. You sound like you want it all on your own terms.

actually she doesn't seem like she wants it on her own terms at all. she does seem fairly understanding of his decision, but, what she really seems to be doing is trying to make a decision about what she should do.
it is a big decision, and she should make it based on her own and his feelings, and situation, and not based on what advice is being given by anybody else.
jmo
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