How do you feel about private investigators on check-ups ? (14)
Readybake101: Would you hire one to check out a new mate after say 3 or 5 dates and why? Do you really want to know his record with women or vice versa?
I dated a well divorced church goer. Lo and behold if his last wife did not contact me .. she was alright .. told me all the gritty stuff about him .. but needless to say I can't be bothered with him anymore.
I dated a well divorced church goer. Lo and behold if his last wife did not contact me .. she was alright .. told me all the gritty stuff about him .. but needless to say I can't be bothered with him anymore.
No i wouldnt..
I Trust my instincts..and would i be with him anyway if i needed for private investigator.
and i wouldnt believe their ex's becos they could still have something for him..and lie like a rug..
Live and Learn as they say
Well,I think you need to trust your instincts,but sometimes a search of this man could be to your benefit....I'm not sure if I would,but I do know of other women who should have done so before they met the guy............
My opinion is no. Reason is because if someone hires a private investigator early on, there's a trust issue; definately not worth fighting for, until someone knows the cold hard facts straight from the horse's mouth. Or the horse's partner... If there are doubts at the beginning / after a few dates, why bother going through dating that person? Dating is a "getting to know each other process".
The only reason I would hire one (private investigator) would be if I'd be in a longterm relationship, and suspect that I'm being cheated on, or that my partner might be implicated in some criminal activity...who knows? Then, I would certainly want to know for sure and not assume something is going on. Then I would proceed with separation or divorce, whatever the case would be.
However, if I'd be in a relationship say, anywhere from three to six months or something like that, and trusted friends would try to warn me that this individual has a very shady past, as hard as it might be, love would not stand in my way. I would tell the person about what I'd just heard, I would put an end to that relationship. I would not take any chances. Trusted friends would not want to hurt a friend's feelings by telling lies or starting rumours. Friends want what's best for us; usually.
So sum it all up, you did the right thing by putting an end to it.
The only reason I would hire one (private investigator) would be if I'd be in a longterm relationship, and suspect that I'm being cheated on, or that my partner might be implicated in some criminal activity...who knows? Then, I would certainly want to know for sure and not assume something is going on. Then I would proceed with separation or divorce, whatever the case would be.
However, if I'd be in a relationship say, anywhere from three to six months or something like that, and trusted friends would try to warn me that this individual has a very shady past, as hard as it might be, love would not stand in my way. I would tell the person about what I'd just heard, I would put an end to that relationship. I would not take any chances. Trusted friends would not want to hurt a friend's feelings by telling lies or starting rumours. Friends want what's best for us; usually.
So sum it all up, you did the right thing by putting an end to it.
Readybake101: Would you hire one to check out a new mate after say 3 or 5 dates and why? Do you really want to know his record with women or vice versa?
I dated a well divorced church goer. Lo and behold if his last wife did not contact me .. she was alright .. told me all the gritty stuff about him .. but needless to say I can't be bothered with him anymore.
I dated a well divorced church goer. Lo and behold if his last wife did not contact me .. she was alright .. told me all the gritty stuff about him .. but needless to say I can't be bothered with him anymore.
Sorry, but when I first read the title...it sounded like how did I feel about a private investigator coming along with me for a checkup...and I damn near pissed myself laughing.
So, got myself together and understand and can respond.
JMO - No, because everyone changes and what is found can easily be taken out of context or be a result of one person's perspective and values and as far as I am concerned, that is wrong. Everyone who has lived outside of a bubble has a past of some kind, an oops, one or two or more mistakes...and life goes on and they grow and become the people they were put on this earth to be. And listening to an Ex??? Are you kidding me? They are an ex for a reason and only in very rare circumstances would an ex be capable of giving an unbiased, unresentful accounting of the facts...it is human nature.
I say alot of this, because I sure as hell have made some very poor choices, my past is far from pristine...nor is the past of the man I love...but it is the past and we live for today and tomorrow.
Judgement can be a very frightening thing and I tend to believe get your windows streak free before you start on someone else's. JMHO
No I would not. Because if it came to the point where I had to hire one, then obviously the relationship is not worth it to me and not worth the stress and drama and means it's time to move on.
Tracy
Tracy
He might be 
too much?
He might be
too much?
He might
too much?
He might get
too much?
He might have had a
problem?
He might be
too much?
... I agree it is better to find out yourself and cheaper. It is funny to be investigated oneself ... and then the interested party thinks what the fiddle sticks ... there is nothing wrong with her .. oh oh .. he is seeing someone normal ..
too much?He might be
too much?He might
too much?He might get
too much?He might have had a
problem?He might be
too much?... I agree it is better to find out yourself and cheaper. It is funny to be investigated oneself ... and then the interested party thinks what the fiddle sticks ... there is nothing wrong with her .. oh oh .. he is seeing someone normal ..
Readybake101: He might be too much?
He might be too much?
He might too much?
He might get too much?
He might have had a problem?
He might be too much?
... I agree it is better to find out yourself and cheaper. It is funny to be investigated oneself ... and then the interested party thinks what the fiddle sticks ... there is nothing wrong with her .. oh oh .. he is seeing someone normal ..
He might be too much?
He might too much?
He might get too much?
He might have had a problem?
He might be too much?
... I agree it is better to find out yourself and cheaper. It is funny to be investigated oneself ... and then the interested party thinks what the fiddle sticks ... there is nothing wrong with her .. oh oh .. he is seeing someone normal ..
People will always be on their best behaviour at the beginning of a relationship - pay attention to red flags and trust your instincts.
Spend time with someone as well before getting too involved - meet their friends, family etc. I think that when you go into a potential relationship being suspicious there is a reason that you have those feelings. Tread carefully.
Its kinda like the emails I get wherein the person keeps telling me they are honest, not a scammer, never cheated etc. ........ why would any normal person even start a conversation in this manner? To my thinking, it would be me simply beginning a dialogue to open up the conversation.
I think that they type of person someone is (or isn't) will eventually come out - so pay attention and trust your instincts. People can be good at hiding behaviours but they can only keep up the game for so long and if you feel the need to make excuses to justify their behaviour - ask yourself why you are doing that.
The Book "He's just not that into you" is great and full of truths that are simple but real. I think overall we need to pay more attention to how we let others treat us, what we put up with etc. so that when we come across a bad apple we can recognize them right away for what they are.
Oh, was it costly? Can a person get a package deal to check out a number of them .. I got checked out and the lady liked me .. advised me that her husband is a swindler. It made me think.
No, I would not hire a private investigator to spy on a person that I was interested in. It's creepy. And if I ever discovered that a private investigator had been hired to spy on me, I would end the relationship.
Instincts work well. If uncertain, then you probably don't have the right connection for a loving relationship. Trust and honesty go hand in hand. Can't have one without the other.
itsallme112: Instincts work well. If uncertain, then you probably don't have the right connection for a loving relationship. Trust and honesty go hand in hand. Can't have one without the other.
How are your instincts working out for you? Mine is not very good, but I noticed that folks are ever so mistrusting more and more including me.
Readybake101: How are your instincts working out for you? Mine is not very good, but I noticed that folks are ever so mistrusting more and more including me.
Today, it is recommended you use a PI because of all the fraud and other crimes going on.
Take your time ... make sure he/she is who they say they are.
KHD100: Today, it is recommended you use a PI because of all the fraud and other crimes going on.
Take your time ... make sure he/she is who they say they are.
Take your time ... make sure he/she is who they say they are.
a few sites that can help out
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Would you hire one to check out a new mate after say 3 or 5 dates and why? Do you really want to know his record with women or vice versa?
I dated a well divorced church goer. Lo and behold if his last wife did not contact me .. she was alright .. told me all the gritty stuff about him .. but needless to say I can't be bothered with him anymore.