Getting hooked....and finding it depressing (38)
How much younger ? Is he over 18 ? What's the problem ? 
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jeepers: How much younger ? Is he over 18 ? What's the problem ?
Oh, yes, he's definitely over 18...and not in his 20s, either. He's not a kid, but then again...I'm still a good deal older.
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Is he single, interested and potentially compatible? Then I wouldn't feel depressed at all... We all have a certain "shelf life" anyway, as do our relationships, naturally.
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AudrysSis: Is he single, interested and potentially compatible? Then I wouldn't feel depressed at all... We all have a certain "shelf life" anyway, as do our relationships, naturally.
I know it sounds a bit bizarre to say that I find it a bit depressing at times....depressing may be too strong a word....but I do have moments when I think, "Why?? Why does this man have so many wonderful qualities and be so ultimately NOT right for the long run?"
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You said it yourself - a limited shelf life. That is the only diffirence from any other (suitable?) match - you know it can't last. Enjoy it though, let it run the natural course. Why not?
At thirty I had the most beautiful relationship with a guy only 19 - he pursued me. I ended it after 3 months - didn't want to wait for the axe to fall or get too attached to him.
Still remember him fondly.
At thirty I had the most beautiful relationship with a guy only 19 - he pursued me. I ended it after 3 months - didn't want to wait for the axe to fall or get too attached to him.
Still remember him fondly.
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I know that feeling only too well.
My partner in my last relationship was fifteen years younger.
Not that is was a problem in itself, but being without
children, in her early thirties meant that the relationship
would have to end sooner rather than later. We got on really
well but I knew she would want children at some stage. This
was something I definitely didnt want but the relationship
was so good I found myself getting dragged deeper and deeper.
When the inevitable happened it hurt me so much.
That was over ten years ago...not been able to face a going
into a relationship since.
My partner in my last relationship was fifteen years younger.
Not that is was a problem in itself, but being without
children, in her early thirties meant that the relationship
would have to end sooner rather than later. We got on really
well but I knew she would want children at some stage. This
was something I definitely didnt want but the relationship
was so good I found myself getting dragged deeper and deeper.
When the inevitable happened it hurt me so much.
That was over ten years ago...not been able to face a going
into a relationship since.
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jlb684: Why do I do this to myself?
I have been dating someone for a little over a month now...and he is wonderful and fun and smart and good-looking and tall and...etc. And completely wrong for me, for anything long term.
We just sort of fell into this relationship, in a way, after finding ourselves seated next to each other at a gathering in our local bar one night. After hours of conversation and laughter, we found we were both quite drawn to the other. And so it began. I see him often, I always enjoy being with him, and I look forward to the next.
So, what's the problem?? It's a topic of frequent discussion here. He's a good deal younger than me. Not so young to be icky, but young enough that I see no potential for long-term. I really do like this man, and from the way things are going, he must feel the same. And I find it a little bit depressing, while at the same time incredibly enjoyable. I know it has a limited shelf life...an expiration date, though I don't know when the date is.
So I feel extremely good and happy and wonderful with him, and saddened by its inevitable demise.
Any thoughts? I don't want to stop seeing him. Must I?
Oh, and please don't use the word "cougar"....please. To me, that implies that an older woman sights in on a young man as prey for her fancies. This is not the case here.
I have been dating someone for a little over a month now...and he is wonderful and fun and smart and good-looking and tall and...etc. And completely wrong for me, for anything long term.
We just sort of fell into this relationship, in a way, after finding ourselves seated next to each other at a gathering in our local bar one night. After hours of conversation and laughter, we found we were both quite drawn to the other. And so it began. I see him often, I always enjoy being with him, and I look forward to the next.
So, what's the problem?? It's a topic of frequent discussion here. He's a good deal younger than me. Not so young to be icky, but young enough that I see no potential for long-term. I really do like this man, and from the way things are going, he must feel the same. And I find it a little bit depressing, while at the same time incredibly enjoyable. I know it has a limited shelf life...an expiration date, though I don't know when the date is.
So I feel extremely good and happy and wonderful with him, and saddened by its inevitable demise.
Any thoughts? I don't want to stop seeing him. Must I?
Oh, and please don't use the word "cougar"....please. To me, that implies that an older woman sights in on a young man as prey for her fancies. This is not the case here.
Been there...
All I can say: 'No, you mustn't!"
I'm not a fanatic about rules, but this rule of mine{no man a decade your junior is a good deal} I was afraid to break.
Hence do as I preach, not as I do!
And of course, it might die out on it's own, as any other relationship, but why would you want ending it artificially?...
Hello, Jlb
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Thanks, Apostophe, Bodeling, and Laura.
So, I'm in good company, it seems. Sigh.
So, I'm in good company, it seems. Sigh.
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bodleing: I know that feeling only too well.
My partner in my last relationship was fifteen years younger.
Not that is was a problem in itself, but being without
children, in her early thirties meant that the relationship
would have to end sooner rather than later. We got on really
well but I knew she would want children at some stage. This
was something I definitely didnt want but the relationship
was so good I found myself getting dragged deeper and deeper.
When the inevitable happened it hurt me so much.
That was over ten years ago...not been able to face a going
into a relationship since.
My partner in my last relationship was fifteen years younger.
Not that is was a problem in itself, but being without
children, in her early thirties meant that the relationship
would have to end sooner rather than later. We got on really
well but I knew she would want children at some stage. This
was something I definitely didnt want but the relationship
was so good I found myself getting dragged deeper and deeper.
When the inevitable happened it hurt me so much.
That was over ten years ago...not been able to face a going
into a relationship since.
No one but you, are able to answer this question, JB
I think Bodleing has a good point.
If he doesn't have children already he will want them. Sooner or later. What about you?
I would end it because I am too realistic.
p.s. I have been in this situation .. had to move to another country
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In response to: Why do I do this to myself?
I have been dating someone for a little over a month now...and he is wonderful and fun and smart and good-looking and tall and...etc. And completely wrong for me, for anything long term.
We just sort of fell into this relationship, in a way, after finding ourselves seated next to each other at a gathering in our local bar one night. After hours of conversation and laughter, we found we were both quite drawn to the other. And so it began. I see him often, I always enjoy being with him, and I look forward to the next.
So, what's the problem?? It's a topic of frequent discussion here. He's a good deal younger than me. Not so young to be icky, but young enough that I see no potential for long-term. I really do like this man, and from the way things are going, he must feel the same. And I find it a little bit depressing, while at the same time incredibly enjoyable. I know it has a limited shelf life...an expiration date, though I don't know when the date is.
So I feel extremely good and happy and wonderful with him, and saddened by its inevitable demise.
Any thoughts? I don't want to stop seeing him. Must I?
Oh, and please don't use the word "cougar"....please. To me, that implies that an older woman sights in on a young man as prey for her fancies. This is not the case here.
I have been dating someone for a little over a month now...and he is wonderful and fun and smart and good-looking and tall and...etc. And completely wrong for me, for anything long term.
We just sort of fell into this relationship, in a way, after finding ourselves seated next to each other at a gathering in our local bar one night. After hours of conversation and laughter, we found we were both quite drawn to the other. And so it began. I see him often, I always enjoy being with him, and I look forward to the next.
So, what's the problem?? It's a topic of frequent discussion here. He's a good deal younger than me. Not so young to be icky, but young enough that I see no potential for long-term. I really do like this man, and from the way things are going, he must feel the same. And I find it a little bit depressing, while at the same time incredibly enjoyable. I know it has a limited shelf life...an expiration date, though I don't know when the date is.
So I feel extremely good and happy and wonderful with him, and saddened by its inevitable demise.
Any thoughts? I don't want to stop seeing him. Must I?
Oh, and please don't use the word "cougar"....please. To me, that implies that an older woman sights in on a young man as prey for her fancies. This is not the case here.
JUST ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS...TO HELL WITH THE WHAT IFS AN THE UNFORESEEN FUTURE ...LIVE FOR NOW COS IT ALL MAY END TOMORROW...
...
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Was in a relationship for 4yrs with someone younger eventually there were issues, that were age related one of them being children.
Have to say I would never put muself thro that kind of pain again
Have to say I would never put muself thro that kind of pain again
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It seems to me, if you are willing to love you are willing to hurt.
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jlb684: .. I do have moments when I think, "Why?? Why does this man have so many wonderful qualities and be so ultimately NOT right for the long run?"
LOL, I have had to ask the rhetorical question of "why" when I meet someone with wonderful qualities and already taken, but in this case, how does one even determine if it's going to work or not? Unless someone is totally against age gap relationships, it might be worth a try, provided it's an oustandingly fun person? :)
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There are no guarantees in any relationship, regardless of age..
you may feel you've found the perfect partner in a guy whose a similar age , then months or years down the line for whatever reason you split up..Heck look at the divorce statistics! But if you are lucky enough to have found someone you are attracted to and whose company you enjoy..just go with it, enjoy it, take every day as it comes and whether it be a month, a year or a lifetime..be happy and don't dwell on what might happen in the future.
Live for what's happening now.
you may feel you've found the perfect partner in a guy whose a similar age , then months or years down the line for whatever reason you split up..Heck look at the divorce statistics! But if you are lucky enough to have found someone you are attracted to and whose company you enjoy..just go with it, enjoy it, take every day as it comes and whether it be a month, a year or a lifetime..be happy and don't dwell on what might happen in the future.
Live for what's happening now.
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As for children, that ship has definitely sailed for me.
As for him...he does not know if he wants the package dream that most of us have. He is quite content with his life as is and, at this point, is neither anxious to have children nor opposed to the idea. He's a bit ambivalent about it, for now.
As for him...he does not know if he wants the package dream that most of us have. He is quite content with his life as is and, at this point, is neither anxious to have children nor opposed to the idea. He's a bit ambivalent about it, for now.
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solsticemoon: There are no guarantees in any relationship, regardless of age..
you may feel you've found the perfect partner in a guy whose a similar age , then months or years down the line for whatever reason you split up..Heck look at the divorce statistics! But if you are lucky enough to have found someone you are attracted to and whose company you enjoy..just go with it, enjoy it, take every day as it comes and whether it be a month, a year or a lifetime..be happy and don't dwell on what might happen in the future.
Live for what's happening now.
you may feel you've found the perfect partner in a guy whose a similar age , then months or years down the line for whatever reason you split up..Heck look at the divorce statistics! But if you are lucky enough to have found someone you are attracted to and whose company you enjoy..just go with it, enjoy it, take every day as it comes and whether it be a month, a year or a lifetime..be happy and don't dwell on what might happen in the future.
Live for what's happening now.
I'm trying, Solstice...I'm trying.
I think it's because it's Sunday evening and, I believe, a full moon at that! I tend to get a bit of the blues on Sunday evenings, for some unknown reason. I typically stay at home on Sundays and relax, preparing for a busy work week ahead. And I think. And think some more. LOL. Not a good thing, apparently!
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jlb684: Why do I do this to myself?
I have been dating someone for a little over a month now...and he is wonderful and fun and smart and good-looking and tall and...etc. And completely wrong for me, for anything long term.
We just sort of fell into this relationship, in a way, after finding ourselves seated next to each other at a gathering in our local bar one night. After hours of conversation and laughter, we found we were both quite drawn to the other. And so it began. I see him often, I always enjoy being with him, and I look forward to the next.
So, what's the problem?? It's a topic of frequent discussion here. He's a good deal younger than me. Not so young to be icky, but young enough that I see no potential for long-term. I really do like this man, and from the way things are going, he must feel the same. And I find it a little bit depressing, while at the same time incredibly enjoyable. I know it has a limited shelf life...an expiration date, though I don't know when the date is.
So I feel extremely good and happy and wonderful with him, and saddened by its inevitable demise.
Any thoughts? I don't want to stop seeing him. Must I?
Oh, and please don't use the word "cougar"....please. To me, that implies that an older woman sights in on a young man as prey for her fancies. This is not the case here.
I have been dating someone for a little over a month now...and he is wonderful and fun and smart and good-looking and tall and...etc. And completely wrong for me, for anything long term.
We just sort of fell into this relationship, in a way, after finding ourselves seated next to each other at a gathering in our local bar one night. After hours of conversation and laughter, we found we were both quite drawn to the other. And so it began. I see him often, I always enjoy being with him, and I look forward to the next.
So, what's the problem?? It's a topic of frequent discussion here. He's a good deal younger than me. Not so young to be icky, but young enough that I see no potential for long-term. I really do like this man, and from the way things are going, he must feel the same. And I find it a little bit depressing, while at the same time incredibly enjoyable. I know it has a limited shelf life...an expiration date, though I don't know when the date is.
So I feel extremely good and happy and wonderful with him, and saddened by its inevitable demise.
Any thoughts? I don't want to stop seeing him. Must I?
Oh, and please don't use the word "cougar"....please. To me, that implies that an older woman sights in on a young man as prey for her fancies. This is not the case here.
I've nothing much to offer
There's nothing much to take
I'm an absolute beginner
And I'm absolutely sane
As long as we're together
The rest can go to hell
I absolutely love you
But we're absolute beginners
With eyes completely open
But nervous all the same.... David Bowie ...
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jlb684: I'm trying, Solstice...I'm trying.
I think it's because it's Sunday evening and, I believe, a full moon at that! I tend to get a bit of the blues on Sunday evenings, for some unknown reason. I typically stay at home on Sundays and relax, preparing for a busy work week ahead. And I think. And think some more. LOL. Not a good thing, apparently!
I think it's because it's Sunday evening and, I believe, a full moon at that! I tend to get a bit of the blues on Sunday evenings, for some unknown reason. I typically stay at home on Sundays and relax, preparing for a busy work week ahead. And I think. And think some more. LOL. Not a good thing, apparently!
No it should come with a government health warning.."Thinking can seriously damage your health"------ This thread is Archived ------
Hi Jlb, I cant say i have all these answers either, But My thinking( At My Age,) 49 Wendsday the 4th
This kinda sounds like enjoying convienience, and sometimes we all need to feel that..too.
But to ME, I have found that i was Allowing a WRONG ONE IN, (that as you said dont feel like forever,)
I dont want to allow Wrong ones in, as It Takes From your Lifelong Goal to find a RIGHT MATE!!!!! A Wrong Mate IS in the way and causes A Road block for the right one, and if you become Depresses an start all over, then years tend to pass you by, Will you EVER find the RIGHT one, with someone in the way?????
So, This time Arround, I have NOT allowed myself to get in that situation, I am Healed, I am Healthy, and I HAVNT allowed any women in my way, as if I do Meet the right one, the wrong one can Ruin it, think Deep on this......
So Much to say doing without, so i can be Free and open, and allowing a New Woman Space in my life, Not welcoming Her with women in My Closets ha!...... This is how I Feel, Hope it helps 
So, Are you Stopping Mr Right, By Having Mr. Wrong?????
This kinda sounds like enjoying convienience, and sometimes we all need to feel that..too.
But to ME, I have found that i was Allowing a WRONG ONE IN, (that as you said dont feel like forever,)
I dont want to allow Wrong ones in, as It Takes From your Lifelong Goal to find a RIGHT MATE!!!!! A Wrong Mate IS in the way and causes A Road block for the right one, and if you become Depresses an start all over, then years tend to pass you by, Will you EVER find the RIGHT one, with someone in the way?????
So, This time Arround, I have NOT allowed myself to get in that situation, I am Healed, I am Healthy, and I HAVNT allowed any women in my way, as if I do Meet the right one, the wrong one can Ruin it, think Deep on this......
So Much to say doing without, so i can be Free and open, and allowing a New Woman Space in my life, Not welcoming Her with women in My Closets ha!...... This is how I Feel, Hope it helps
So, Are you Stopping Mr Right, By Having Mr. Wrong?????
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I have been dating someone for a little over a month now...and he is wonderful and fun and smart and good-looking and tall and...etc. And completely wrong for me, for anything long term.
We just sort of fell into this relationship, in a way, after finding ourselves seated next to each other at a gathering in our local bar one night. After hours of conversation and laughter, we found we were both quite drawn to the other. And so it began. I see him often, I always enjoy being with him, and I look forward to the next.
So, what's the problem?? It's a topic of frequent discussion here. He's a good deal younger than me. Not so young to be icky, but young enough that I see no potential for long-term. I really do like this man, and from the way things are going, he must feel the same. And I find it a little bit depressing, while at the same time incredibly enjoyable. I know it has a limited shelf life...an expiration date, though I don't know when the date is.
So I feel extremely good and happy and wonderful with him, and saddened by its inevitable demise.
Any thoughts? I don't want to stop seeing him. Must I?
Oh, and please don't use the word "cougar"....please. To me, that implies that an older woman sights in on a young man as prey for her fancies. This is not the case here.