Have I set the bar too high? (344)
sweetowen: I've been conversing with a man via internet, text, & phone calls. We've connected on so many levels. We had very deep conversations & had the same opinion on many subjects. There was a definite connection & we both felt it. I felt myself really liking him even before we met.
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
Hmmm L, is this connection strong enough to override the lack of physical attraction? If not, I wouldn't pursue it. Personally, I need that physical attraction. I've tried going down that road before, and I gave it a lot of time and chances hoping that the physical attraction element would not matter---but it did in the end.
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It is not being shallow, for many it is very important for there to be a physical spark. Accept that, don't fight it, don't try and change. Just try and find a little more patience and hold out for it........
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sweetowen: I've been conversing with a man via internet, text, & phone calls. We've connected on so many levels. We had very deep conversations & had the same opinion on many subjects. There was a definite connection & we both felt it. I felt myself really liking him even before we met.
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
OK. I haven't read the whole thread cuz I have to go get some stuff done, but B4 I do, yes. I have been in your shoes too. I would say that your expectations were so high with this guy because of your phone convos that the actual meeting was destined to fall flat...cuz the expectations and possibly the nervousness or anticipation. I'd give a few more tries at in person meetings if it's feasible. That way you give yourselves a chance to get over the initial anticipation to see what's really there. If you really connected that well on the phone, it's worth a try ...IMO
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You need to look past the cover and into the pages.
His beauty will come out with the knowledge of knowing him.
JMO
His beauty will come out with the knowledge of knowing him.
JMO
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sweetowen: I've been conversing with a man via internet, text, & phone calls. We've connected on so many levels. We had very deep conversations & had the same opinion on many subjects. There was a definite connection & we both felt it. I felt myself really liking him even before we met.
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
My opinion is that if your settle for part of what your looking for, you'll always feel as if your missing something!
It will never be the relationship that you, so wanted for so long!
Why give up on looking for the complete package now? It will come, when you lest expect it!
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sweetowen: I've been conversing with a man via internet, text, & phone calls. We've connected on so many levels. We had very deep conversations & had the same opinion on many subjects. There was a definite connection & we both felt it. I felt myself really liking him even before we met.
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
If it ain`t working... it ain`t working ... don`t push your self
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No chemicals - no can do.
Tough one sweet. I've come to the conclusion that looking for love is a waste of energy. Chances of finding love in your backyard is slim enough - on "paper" - one in zillions.
Maybe one should not seek it so actively - like so many women who try for years to fall pregnant and then they give up and voila!
Tough one sweet. I've come to the conclusion that looking for love is a waste of energy. Chances of finding love in your backyard is slim enough - on "paper" - one in zillions.
Maybe one should not seek it so actively - like so many women who try for years to fall pregnant and then they give up and voila!
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sweetowen: I've been conversing with a man via internet, text, & phone calls. We've connected on so many levels. We had very deep conversations & had the same opinion on many subjects. There was a definite connection & we both felt it. I felt myself really liking him even before we met.
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
Don't feel bad about yourself - feel good!
It's not YOUR fault the spark wasn't there............. just accept the fact and move on.
The fact you got on so well with the guy in other ways is a positive; just realise the fact that you want more than friendship to rock your boat.
Good luck!
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felixis99: OK. I haven't read the whole thread cuz I have to go get some stuff done, but B4 I do, yes. I have been in your shoes too. I would say that your expectations were so high with this guy because of your phone convos that the actual meeting was destined to fall flat...cuz the expectations and possibly the nervousness or anticipation. I'd give a few more tries at in person meetings if it's feasible. That way you give yourselves a chance to get over the initial anticipation to see what's really there. If you really connected that well on the phone, it's worth a try ...IMO
and, as a not of caution...I would never listen to the guys on here....
except maybe Blain & Michael, if ya get their attention
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Apostophe: No chemicals - no can do.
Tough one sweet. I've come to the conclusion that looking for love is a waste of energy. Chances of finding love in your backyard is slim enough - on "paper" - one in zillions.
Maybe one should not seek it so actively - like so many women who try for years to fall pregnant and then they give up and voila!
Tough one sweet. I've come to the conclusion that looking for love is a waste of energy. Chances of finding love in your backyard is slim enough - on "paper" - one in zillions.
Maybe one should not seek it so actively - like so many women who try for years to fall pregnant and then they give up and voila!
You found ME - you silly woman!
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StressFree: Hmmm L, is this connection strong enough to override the lack of physical attraction? If not, I wouldn't pursue it. Personally, I need that physical attraction. I've tried going down that road before, and I gave it a lot of time and chances hoping that the physical attraction element would not matter---but it did in the end.
Quite right Stress free ; and can I add like you say if the connection is so strong and the connection has been on soooo many levels can you not speak to the guy. sometimes men need a little nudge in the right direction shall we say ' if what you share is precious to both of you disguss it and work through it before you give up hun x I wish you luck and love in your life x
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todger: Quite right Stress free ; and can I add like you say if the connection is so strong and the connection has been on soooo many levels can you not speak to the guy. sometimes men need a little nudge in the right direction shall we say ' if what you share is precious to both of you disguss it and work through it before you give up hun x I wish you luck and love in your life x
I agree; so does Reggie.
Reggie says:
'Ribbbbbbbbbbbbbbit!
'
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RobertC2: You found ME - you silly woman!
You're an overdose!!!
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Apostophe: You're an overdose!!!
Wimmin!
You give them what they want and then they say they can't take it!
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sweetowen: I've been conversing with a man via internet, text, & phone calls. We've connected on so many levels. We had very deep conversations & had the same opinion on many subjects. There was a definite connection & we both felt it. I felt myself really liking him even before we met.
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!
The problem with meeting on the internet is the expectation of a preconceived notion of who that person is.Think of it this way, it's like getting a gift and you already know what's inside the package, suddenly it loses it's sparkle. Kinda ironic if you ask me. If it's love your looking for, you'll know it when you find it. The feelings will still be there even after the "meet". So my advice to you is, be happy you made a new friend and be thankful for the good times you both had with your communication, but be honest, if your not feeling it , you never will, and if you care for this guy, he has to know that. Whatever the outcome is, at least you will know that you were honest and forthright. That's an honorable way to be. Good luck in the decision that awaits you....
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You remember the last guy I dated, T. On first sight with him, I wasn't knocked off my feet. But as we got to know each other better & kept the conversation going, I ended up falling for him. I keep wondering if this could happen with this one. But I'm not sure the spark is as bright with this one, physically.
I found myself looking around the room, thinking,"If I was to start a relationship with this man, would I stop looking elsewhere? Would I not be attracted to others?" I honestly couldn't answer that question.
I had told him to let me know he got home safely last night. When I got home, I fell right to sleep & missed about 5 texts & a phone call from him. In his last text, he didn't sound very happy. I texted him this morning & apologized, explaining that I'd fallen asleep. I've gotten no reply.
I found myself looking around the room, thinking,"If I was to start a relationship with this man, would I stop looking elsewhere? Would I not be attracted to others?" I honestly couldn't answer that question.
I had told him to let me know he got home safely last night. When I got home, I fell right to sleep & missed about 5 texts & a phone call from him. In his last text, he didn't sound very happy. I texted him this morning & apologized, explaining that I'd fallen asleep. I've gotten no reply.
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sweetowen: You remember the last guy I dated, T. On first sight with him, I wasn't knocked off my feet. But as we got to know each other better & kept the conversation going, I ended up falling for him. I keep wondering if this could happen with this one. But I'm not sure the spark is as bright with this one, physically.
I found myself looking around the room, thinking,"If I was to start a relationship with this man, would I stop looking elsewhere? Would I not be attracted to others?" I honestly couldn't answer that question.
I had told him to let me know he got home safely last night. When I got home, I fell right to sleep & missed about 5 texts & a phone call from him. In his last text, he didn't sound very happy. I texted him this morning & apologized, explaining that I'd fallen asleep. I've gotten no reply.
I found myself looking around the room, thinking,"If I was to start a relationship with this man, would I stop looking elsewhere? Would I not be attracted to others?" I honestly couldn't answer that question.
I had told him to let me know he got home safely last night. When I got home, I fell right to sleep & missed about 5 texts & a phone call from him. In his last text, he didn't sound very happy. I texted him this morning & apologized, explaining that I'd fallen asleep. I've gotten no reply.
he maybe asleep
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SO, you answered your own question right there. If meeting him and spending the evening with him wasn't exciting enough for you to wait for his text at the end of it, he clearly doesn't ring your bell enough. The idea of meeting him again should be an exciting proposition. Anything less is going to be a waste of your time and his. The way you describe it, it sounds as if you're going thru the motions because you feel you should, not because you're motivated. Physical attraction is very important. So is the intellectual. You need enough of both to work on. If you don't have enough of both, you're wasting his time. Spare him the trouble. it's the right thing to do.
sweetowen: You remember the last guy I dated, T. On first sight with him, I wasn't knocked off my feet. But as we got to know each other better & kept the conversation going, I ended up falling for him. I keep wondering if this could happen with this one. But I'm not sure the spark is as bright with this one, physically.
I found myself looking around the room, thinking,"If I was to start a relationship with this man, would I stop looking elsewhere? Would I not be attracted to others?" I honestly couldn't answer that question.
I had told him to let me know he got home safely last night. When I got home, I fell right to sleep & missed about 5 texts & a phone call from him. In his last text, he didn't sound very happy. I texted him this morning & apologized, explaining that I'd fallen asleep. I've gotten no reply.
I found myself looking around the room, thinking,"If I was to start a relationship with this man, would I stop looking elsewhere? Would I not be attracted to others?" I honestly couldn't answer that question.
I had told him to let me know he got home safely last night. When I got home, I fell right to sleep & missed about 5 texts & a phone call from him. In his last text, he didn't sound very happy. I texted him this morning & apologized, explaining that I'd fallen asleep. I've gotten no reply.
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Odysseus101: SO, you answered your own question right there. If meeting him and spending the evening with him wasn't exciting enough for you to wait for his text at the end of it, he clearly doesn't ring your bell enough. The idea of meeting him again should be an exciting proposition. Anything less is going to be a waste of your time and his. The way you describe it, it sounds as if you're going thru the motions because you feel you should, not because you're motivated. Physical attraction is very important. So is the intellectual. You need enough of both to work on. If you don't have enough of both, you're wasting his time. Spare him the trouble. it's the right thing to do.
Very, very good & insightful advice, O! Thank you! I keep telling myself the same thing. Maybe his non-response is for the best, for the both of us. I just feel really bad about it all. I do hope he understands & forgives me. And I'd truly hope we could remain friends. I HATE ending things on a sour note... always have. It's just not my nature to be mean. But I'd really been anticipating meeting him! I was so excited, as was he. As I said, we'd talked at length about a lot of things. He saw past my mistakes & shortcomings & I did his. We 'clicked'... only to have it not go anywhere. I can't help but feel disappointed in myself. I feel shallow.
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Created: Jan 2010
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We had our first real date last night. While we had a really nice time & great conversation, the physical spark wasn't extremely there for me. I really WANTED it to be, but have to admit... it was dim. I'm so upset & disappointed in myself. I've dated a quite a few men who made me weak at the knees, only to find that we didn't connect intellectually, spiritually, or some or many other ways. With this guy, everything was wonderful... until I met him face-to-face.
Am I giving up on Mr. Possibly Right if I don't try again? When do we say enough is enough & stop looking for the WHOLE picture? I feel like I've possibly closed the door on quite a few potential wonderful relationships for being so shallow. Have you ever run into this dilemma, & what do you do? Should you go for someone who doesn't really thrill you physically? I really need some advice here!