Three men are out on a hike and they come to this massive river with a wicked current.
They sit trying to figure out a way to cross. Finally the first man drops to his knees, clasps his hands together and starts to pray...
"Lord give me the strength to cross this river"
Poof...he suddenly has massive strong arms and legs, he leaps into the river and starts to swim...after 2 hours and nearly drowning twice he reaches the other side.
The 2nd man kneels down and prays..."Lord give me the strength and tools to cross the river"
POOF he suddenly has massive strong arms and legs and a rowboat has appeared at the shore
He leaps into the boat, rows like mad and after an hour and nearly tipping...he reaches the other side of the river.
The 3rd man then drops to his knees and prays... "Lord give me the strength, tools and intelligence to cross the river...
Poof... He turned into a woman, opened the map and walked 100 meters up river and crossed the bridge...
jbibiza: Three men are out on a hike and they come to this massive river with a wicked current.
They sit trying to figure out a way to cross. Finally the first man drops to his knees, clasps his hands together and starts to pray...
"Lord give me the strength to cross this river"
Poof...he suddenly has massive strong arms and legs, he leaps into the river and starts to swim...after 2 hours and nearly drowning twice he reaches the other side.
The 2nd man kneels down and prays..."Lord give me the strength and tools to cross the river"
POOF he suddenly has massive strong arms and legs and a rowboat has appeared at the shore
He leaps into the boat, rows like mad and after an hour and nearly tipping...he reaches the other side of the river.
The 3rd man then drops to his knees and prays... "Lord give me the strength, tools and intelligence to cross the river...
Poof... He turned into a woman, opened the map and walked 100 meters up river and crossed the bridge...
And when she crossed the bridge the first two guys had taken the car and drve back home to civilisation........
Poof... He turned into a woman, opened the map and walked 100 meters up river and crossed the bridge...to find she had been having a blonde moment , not realising the map was upside down, walked off a cliff.
patmac: Years ago it was suggested ' that an apple a day kept the doctor away ' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that bacon works a fu***g treat!
The local mosque are having a fire tonight but keep it a surprise.........they don't know about it yet!
The whole post was hillarious (not to keen on the Haiti one though)...but these two above are my favourites!!
Paddy and his two friends, Bobby and Sean, are talking at a bar. Bobby says: “I think my wife is having it on with the electrician.” “What makes you think that?” asks Paddy. “Well the other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” Sean then says: “Same with me! I think my wife is having it on with the plumber.” “The other day I found a wrench under the bed and that wasn’t mine.” “That’s all three of us then,” says Paddy: “I think my wife is having it on with a horse.” Bobby and Sean look at him with utter disbelief. “No, I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”
Steve5721: True story....squaddie in hospital after that war....lost both legs. His mate came to him, choclates and all that crap and later on asked him if he could have his best boots as he wouldn't be needing them anymore!
A plumber dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name, and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand, and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you."
"Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the plumber sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive. Is it because I'm a plumber?"
"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty.
"We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!"
The plumber is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty."
"That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter, "We've added up your time sheets."
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