After 10 years, he contacts me ( Archived) (42)

Like so many worldwide, I am on Facebook, though I don't frequent it. Out of the blue today, I received a "friend request" from my ex-husband, who I haven't seen or spoken with in ten years. I long ago moved on and long ago put my marriage behind me. It (my marriage to him) has been safely and comfortably filed away in a place inside me where I store the past. Like a locked box, I hold the memories of that marriage, but I have nothing to add to it and could blow an inch of dust off of it, for it's been so long since I've opened that box. And now, he drops in out of the blue...this very day...and the dust flew off and the box popped open and, lo and behold, it was empty. He sent me a long message, asked questions, wanted to hear from me and find out about my life in the past 10 years and about my family, etc. I never considered ignoring him, for I broke free of anger and hurt many years ago. I answered his message and asked about his family (my former in-laws) as well. I just finished reading his reply, which was again very lengthy. 10 years have been capsulized and summarized by the both of us in a matter of minutes, through a brief exchange of messages on Facebook. I might as well have been reading a post here on CS from someone I know nothing about. Our lives have gone in such completely different directions, whereas we once had planned to go down the road together. And I couldn't be happier. Once devastated, now delighted. He ended his message by saying that he really hopes that we will stay in touch, but I don't see any reason to write again. I'm caught up. In minutes, I've learned all that I need to know. The box is empty. I've not felt anything for him in many years, but it's nice to know that I feel nothing because there is nothing to feel. The box is empty.

Time and distance does help, you have been healed and are ready for your new journey or destination. All the best!

Close the box put it back where you had it. And who knows maybe in ten years you might open it again. I doubt it. But just leave the box be. Go now you have better things to do.

If that does not work set the box on fire and burn it.

Either way some things in life are bittersweet.

I know this is not the same, but my ex and I are "friends" on FB. Only after 14yrs. of being divorced, we can be civil to each other. Of course, with one son still a minor, we have the occasional spat from time to time, usually because everything doesn't revolve around his agenda. But I'm sure after the youngest becomes of age, like you J, I can have a "nothing box". And I can't wait for it..... I guess I said all that to say this, to be able to be on a somewhat "friendly" basis with any ex is quite an accomplishment for some. I like to think of it as "making peace" with the enemy. Nothing wrong at all with that.


Merky

Thalassa, when I read your posting, I had to think of my son's biological father. We were never married and he left me when I was 7 months pregnant.

I hadn't heard from him in 17 years. Nor had he up till then ever paid a penny child maintenance. Guess he thought himself safe from that in the US and us being in Germany. Then, all of a sudden and out of the blue, I got a letter from the authorities informing me that a US court had ruled that he had to pay the arrears plus current. I was dumbfounded.... and tried to remember what I could about him, but realised he was by then a complete stranger to me.

Box empty, as you said. Not even pain or anger