It's not you, it's me... (39)
Write him and tell him you are sorry and hope y'all could remain friends. Don't make it long and don't add.... keep it simple. If he wants to stay friends, he will come back after his pain/hurt is gone.
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Do u plead guilty
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Hi L, it sounds like you wanted the sparks to fly and giving it time for that to perhaps happen but it just wasn't. It is confusing when the person in front of you seems to tick all the boxes on paper but there just isn't that special feeling.
Why did you split up the first time, did you feel the same way about him then ?
Why did you split up the first time, did you feel the same way about him then ?
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It's not really your fault either, Owen. No matter how nice a person is, if they dont flip your switch, they don't. There is nothing you can do about it. But it's better to let him know now than to lead him on for a long time, then cut him off. Just my two cents worth.
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I don't understand. What makes you think you're a 'dud' for not wanting to move too quickly??? Most of us are here because we've loved and lost, and we really do want to love again, but we want to take it slow. There's nothing wrong with you for wanting that. If he truly cares for you, he will be patient. If he doesn't, Honey, HE is the dud...
If you still like him and you want to convince him that you're not in it for the 'stuff', then call him up and tell you would like to spend time with him. Ask him out for something that costs nothing. The weather is getting nice, go tour the parks together, or dust off your bicycle and go riding together, or go spend the day looking around at a flea market... Do stuff where it's just the two of you doing something, and get to know him better.
Give yourself time, and ask him for the same.
If you still like him and you want to convince him that you're not in it for the 'stuff', then call him up and tell you would like to spend time with him. Ask him out for something that costs nothing. The weather is getting nice, go tour the parks together, or dust off your bicycle and go riding together, or go spend the day looking around at a flea market... Do stuff where it's just the two of you doing something, and get to know him better.
Give yourself time, and ask him for the same.
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U dont seem materialistic or selfish u are just been honest but cant say this to him , Bottom line is NOT READY .
Some ppl have a way with these things and many of us dont
If u can speak to him (in your own time )explain just as u did here
Good Luck to u Sweet Lady
Some ppl have a way with these things and many of us dont
If u can speak to him (in your own time )explain just as u did here
Good Luck to u Sweet Lady
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sweetowen: This line sounds so cliche, but I actually had to use it this past weekend. I was dating a terrific man (our second time around) for a few weeks. He treated me like gold... taking me out, emailing me, texting me, showing me attention, telling me he thought I was beautiful. He even bought tickets to see A Chorus Line at the local theater (it was a traveling Broadway troupe) on Saturday. Not just any tickets, but GOOD tickets.
This man is handsome, financially secure, well rounded, just has everything going for him. Everybody was very happy for me & I was happy for myself.
Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling as strongly for him as he was for me. He confronted me about it yesterday & I was truthful with him. I told him I like him & love doing things with him, but I'm just not ready to move onto the next step of being more intimate with him. I tried to explain that I must be 'messed up', because he's wonderful. I know I hurt him & I feel awful for it. Apparently, I'm not very good at telling people that I'm the dud here, not them. I really don't want to lose his friendship! We were able to remain friends the first time we broke up & I'd really like to again.
I texted him yesterday & told him he's wonderful & I'm an @$$hole & that I'm really sorry. He asked how long I would've left him waste his time & resources on me before telling him how I felt. I didn't reply. I just don't know what to say right now. Should I just let it go & give him some time? Should I try again to explain that I really DO care for him & DID want more than a friendship, but just couldn't? How can I convince him my intentions were not completely materialistic & selfish?
This man is handsome, financially secure, well rounded, just has everything going for him. Everybody was very happy for me & I was happy for myself.
Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling as strongly for him as he was for me. He confronted me about it yesterday & I was truthful with him. I told him I like him & love doing things with him, but I'm just not ready to move onto the next step of being more intimate with him. I tried to explain that I must be 'messed up', because he's wonderful. I know I hurt him & I feel awful for it. Apparently, I'm not very good at telling people that I'm the dud here, not them. I really don't want to lose his friendship! We were able to remain friends the first time we broke up & I'd really like to again.
I texted him yesterday & told him he's wonderful & I'm an @$$hole & that I'm really sorry. He asked how long I would've left him waste his time & resources on me before telling him how I felt. I didn't reply. I just don't know what to say right now. Should I just let it go & give him some time? Should I try again to explain that I really DO care for him & DID want more than a friendship, but just couldn't? How can I convince him my intentions were not completely materialistic & selfish?
"My experience" is, to love is to risk not being loved in return.. All I have to do is love her, what she does with that gift is not my business..
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RDM59: Hi L, it sounds like you wanted the sparks to fly and giving it time for that to perhaps happen but it just wasn't. It is confusing when the person in front of you seems to tick all the boxes on paper but there just isn't that special feeling.
Why did you split up the first time, did you feel the same way about him then ?
Why did you split up the first time, did you feel the same way about him then ?
The first time, there were a few factors. I had a best friend that I did everything with. A relationship kind of wasn't extremely important to me then. Also, one night, he & I met up with my best friend & her guy at a local establishment. We were talking & I tried to always include him, but he excluded himself. He ended up getting up & walking out. We, in NO way, excluded him. He did apologize for that, but I'd been hurt by that. And I guess the spark just wasn't strong enough then, either.
I truly WANTED the spark to be there & thought, with time, it could be. It's happened to me before & I really fell hard for that other man. But he, apparently, wasn't willing to wait. I do love being with him. But perhaps we're just better off being friends.... now I may have even blown that.
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sweetowen: This line sounds so cliche, but I actually had to use it this past weekend. I was dating a terrific man (our second time around) for a few weeks. He treated me like gold... taking me out, emailing me, texting me, showing me attention, telling me he thought I was beautiful. He even bought tickets to see A Chorus Line at the local theater (it was a traveling Broadway troupe) on Saturday. Not just any tickets, but GOOD tickets.
This man is handsome, financially secure, well rounded, just has everything going for him. Everybody was very happy for me & I was happy for myself.
Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling as strongly for him as he was for me. He confronted me about it yesterday & I was truthful with him. I told him I like him & love doing things with him, but I'm just not ready to move onto the next step of being more intimate with him. I tried to explain that I must be 'messed up', because he's wonderful. I know I hurt him & I feel awful for it. Apparently, I'm not very good at telling people that I'm the dud here, not them. I really don't want to lose his friendship! We were able to remain friends the first time we broke up & I'd really like to again.
I texted him yesterday & told him he's wonderful & I'm an @$$hole & that I'm really sorry. He asked how long I would've left him waste his time & resources on me before telling him how I felt. I didn't reply. I just don't know what to say right now. Should I just let it go & give him some time? Should I try again to explain that I really DO care for him & DID want more than a friendship, but just couldn't? How can I convince him my intentions were not completely materialistic & selfish?
This man is handsome, financially secure, well rounded, just has everything going for him. Everybody was very happy for me & I was happy for myself.
Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling as strongly for him as he was for me. He confronted me about it yesterday & I was truthful with him. I told him I like him & love doing things with him, but I'm just not ready to move onto the next step of being more intimate with him. I tried to explain that I must be 'messed up', because he's wonderful. I know I hurt him & I feel awful for it. Apparently, I'm not very good at telling people that I'm the dud here, not them. I really don't want to lose his friendship! We were able to remain friends the first time we broke up & I'd really like to again.
I texted him yesterday & told him he's wonderful & I'm an @$$hole & that I'm really sorry. He asked how long I would've left him waste his time & resources on me before telling him how I felt. I didn't reply. I just don't know what to say right now. Should I just let it go & give him some time? Should I try again to explain that I really DO care for him & DID want more than a friendship, but just couldn't? How can I convince him my intentions were not completely materialistic & selfish?
I think if the chemistry's not there and working both ways then it's nobody's fault. The friendship thing depends on the people. If you can both handle friendship then fine but if you suspect he's always going to be looking for more then it will come between you at some point, say if someone else asks you out.
I think you've said your piece though and it's not that he hasn't heard you or doesn't understand you? He has and he does. But form what you have said, he will need a bit of time to lick his wounds and bounce back from his percieved rejection. Proud people us men.
But I would ask you just why you find it necessary to build a friendship. What do you expect it to lead to? Don't answer on here. Just ask yourself and be honest and then ask yourself if it's a fair way to treat someone. Acid test...Are you being selfish. It's quite human though.
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Godsgift: I think if the chemistry's not there and working both ways then it's nobody's fault. The friendship thing depends on the people. If you can both handle friendship then fine but if you suspect he's always going to be looking for more then it will come between you at some point, say if someone else asks you out.
I think you've said your piece though and it's not that he hasn't heard you or doesn't understand you? He has and he does. But form what you have said, he will need a bit of time to lick his wounds and bounce back from his percieved rejection. Proud people us men.
But I would ask you just why you find it necessary to build a friendship. What do you expect it to lead to? Don't answer on here. Just ask yourself and be honest and then ask yourself if it's a fair way to treat someone. Acid test...Are you being selfish. It's quite human though.
I think you've said your piece though and it's not that he hasn't heard you or doesn't understand you? He has and he does. But form what you have said, he will need a bit of time to lick his wounds and bounce back from his percieved rejection. Proud people us men.
But I would ask you just why you find it necessary to build a friendship. What do you expect it to lead to? Don't answer on here. Just ask yourself and be honest and then ask yourself if it's a fair way to treat someone. Acid test...Are you being selfish. It's quite human though.
Well, we had remained friends the first time & I do always try to remain friends with guys I've dated. Sometimes that's not possible. But if two people are mature adults, there should be a way. I just hate letting people down...
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HappyFawn: . Love and chemistry happen if it's right I believe, we can't just pretend to have it when it's not there.
There it is, in a nutshell my dear....plain as plain can be.
Sorry Own, but if you don't feel it, it ain't there and never will be there.
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when clowds are surrounding the sky, what kind of rain comes? by experience i wish to say.. if he love you, he will await for you, time are relative when fall in love, but turn hazard when love are just a passing rain.... best wishes
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sweetowen: This line sounds so cliche, but I actually had to use it this past weekend. I was dating a terrific man (our second time around) for a few weeks. He treated me like gold... taking me out, emailing me, texting me, showing me attention, telling me he thought I was beautiful. He even bought tickets to see A Chorus Line at the local theater (it was a traveling Broadway troupe) on Saturday. Not just any tickets, but GOOD tickets.
This man is handsome, financially secure, well rounded, just has everything going for him. Everybody was very happy for me & I was happy for myself.
Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling as strongly for him as he was for me. He confronted me about it yesterday & I was truthful with him. I told him I like him & love doing things with him, but I'm just not ready to move onto the next step of being more intimate with him. I tried to explain that I must be 'messed up', because he's wonderful. I know I hurt him & I feel awful for it. Apparently, I'm not very good at telling people that I'm the dud here, not them. I really don't want to lose his friendship! We were able to remain friends the first time we broke up & I'd really like to again.
I texted him yesterday & told him he's wonderful & I'm an @$$hole & that I'm really sorry. He asked how long I would've left him waste his time & resources on me before telling him how I felt. I didn't reply. I just don't know what to say right now. Should I just let it go & give him some time? Should I try again to explain that I really DO care for him & DID want more than a friendship, but just couldn't? How can I convince him my intentions were not completely materialistic & selfish?
This man is handsome, financially secure, well rounded, just has everything going for him. Everybody was very happy for me & I was happy for myself.
Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling as strongly for him as he was for me. He confronted me about it yesterday & I was truthful with him. I told him I like him & love doing things with him, but I'm just not ready to move onto the next step of being more intimate with him. I tried to explain that I must be 'messed up', because he's wonderful. I know I hurt him & I feel awful for it. Apparently, I'm not very good at telling people that I'm the dud here, not them. I really don't want to lose his friendship! We were able to remain friends the first time we broke up & I'd really like to again.
I texted him yesterday & told him he's wonderful & I'm an @$$hole & that I'm really sorry. He asked how long I would've left him waste his time & resources on me before telling him how I felt. I didn't reply. I just don't know what to say right now. Should I just let it go & give him some time? Should I try again to explain that I really DO care for him & DID want more than a friendship, but just couldn't? How can I convince him my intentions were not completely materialistic & selfish?
We mess up because of fear.....we are our own worst enemies....I do this all the time....a perfect example of me....
The thing is we have to live with our actions and decisions....
I think you should call him or ask him to come over prepare a nice dinner have some wine sit and chat and lay it on the line...
He will either walk away or stay....if he runs well then so be it....you tried....you messed up....and move along....
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LadyPhoenix1965: I don't understand. What makes you think you're a 'dud' for not wanting to move too quickly??? Most of us are here because we've loved and lost, and we really do want to love again, but we want to take it slow. There's nothing wrong with you for wanting that. If he truly cares for you, he will be patient. If he doesn't, Honey, HE is the dud...
If you still like him and you want to convince him that you're not in it for the 'stuff', then call him up and tell you would like to spend time with him. Ask him out for something that costs nothing. The weather is getting nice, go tour the parks together, or dust off your bicycle and go riding together, or go spend the day looking around at a flea market... Do stuff where it's just the two of you doing something, and get to know him better.
Give yourself time, and ask him for the same.
If you still like him and you want to convince him that you're not in it for the 'stuff', then call him up and tell you would like to spend time with him. Ask him out for something that costs nothing. The weather is getting nice, go tour the parks together, or dust off your bicycle and go riding together, or go spend the day looking around at a flea market... Do stuff where it's just the two of you doing something, and get to know him better.
Give yourself time, and ask him for the same.
I kinda have to disagree. He's in love with her, she's not. Time to split the sheets. Gets too boggy when lopsided like this.
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Big_John: Write him and tell him you are sorry and hope y'all could remain friends. Don't make it long and don't add.... keep it simple. If he wants to stay friends, he will come back after his pain/hurt is gone.
"Friends"
John in my estimation and in all the years I am on this planet I have found it almost impossible to be just friends with a guy or should I say they found it almost impossible to be friends with me.....we have enough friends.....it's the other half Sweet seeks....I am sure she has enough male friends to last here a lifetime....
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sweetowen:
I texted him yesterday & told him he's wonderful & I'm an @$$hole & that I'm really sorry. He asked how long I would've left him waste his time & resources on me before telling him how I felt. I didn't reply. I just don't know what to say right now. Should I just let it go & give him some time? Should I try again to explain that I really DO care for him & DID want more than a friendship, but just couldn't? How can I convince him my intentions were not completely materialistic & selfish?
I texted him yesterday & told him he's wonderful & I'm an @$$hole & that I'm really sorry. He asked how long I would've left him waste his time & resources on me before telling him how I felt. I didn't reply. I just don't know what to say right now. Should I just let it go & give him some time? Should I try again to explain that I really DO care for him & DID want more than a friendship, but just couldn't? How can I convince him my intentions were not completely materialistic & selfish?
He's obviously in it for what he can get. It's the old "I spent $42.15 on you so now it's time for some action". He's the @$$hole. Don't you dare try to justify anything with him.
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Zuleika: I've used this one recently: It's not me, it's you.
Personally I like "Silence is golden". Nothing said, nothing to say you are sorry for.... but, of course it is alway the other person. We are each perfect!!!!!!
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USThumper: It's not really your fault either, Owen. No matter how nice a person is, if they dont flip your switch, they don't. There is nothing you can do about it. But it's better to let him know now than to lead him on for a long time, then cut him off. Just my two cents worth.
i agree with the gentleman totally. if no sparks fly then there is no point in leading the guy around, its like flogging a dead horse.
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This man is handsome, financially secure, well rounded, just has everything going for him. Everybody was very happy for me & I was happy for myself.
Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling as strongly for him as he was for me. He confronted me about it yesterday & I was truthful with him. I told him I like him & love doing things with him, but I'm just not ready to move onto the next step of being more intimate with him. I tried to explain that I must be 'messed up', because he's wonderful. I know I hurt him & I feel awful for it. Apparently, I'm not very good at telling people that I'm the dud here, not them. I really don't want to lose his friendship! We were able to remain friends the first time we broke up & I'd really like to again.
I texted him yesterday & told him he's wonderful & I'm an @$$hole & that I'm really sorry. He asked how long I would've left him waste his time & resources on me before telling him how I felt. I didn't reply. I just don't know what to say right now. Should I just let it go & give him some time? Should I try again to explain that I really DO care for him & DID want more than a friendship, but just couldn't? How can I convince him my intentions were not completely materialistic & selfish?