Love is a decision...agree or disagree??? (147)
What about those who 'fall in love'?
No one makes a concious decision to fall anywhere.
No one makes a concious decision to fall anywhere.
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if you mean love is a decision of fate
may be you are right darlin
may be you are right darlin------ This thread is Archived ------
jbibiza: I often read comments from people who express the view that love will find you. When you least expect it...bam...there it is, no effort or work required.
Personaly, I disagree with this attitude...it's a bit like saying you want a really good job and then doing nothing proactive to get it thinking it's just going to magicly appear.
I believe that love is a decision. I think there are steps we need to take not only for ourselves but for our future partner in order to be truely open to the prospect of love.
When we truely love someone...we want the best for them. Are you the best? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Have you dealt with personal issues that have caused problems in past relationships? Are you dealing with financial problems, family issues, previous relationship issues? If so, you may want to take a little "ME" time. Anyone looking for a ”fixer upper” is looking for a bargain to remodel to their specifications...why not do the restoration yourself and offer the whole package?
Are you emotionally available? For years I wasn't...my priorities were my daughter and family, my business and then a relationship...no one wants to be 3rd on the priority list...even if they say they accept and understand it soon creates issues as once again you cancel time together because of problems at work or other priorities get in the way.
Have you left your emotional past behind you...or are you still hanging on to the love you once had? Have you moved on from feeling of anger, bitterness or resentment? Theses are not things you should be offering as part of the package if you truely want the best for your future partner.
And finally...are you making yourself seen? Being on an online dating site is one avenue...but shouldn't be your only avenue. It would be a bit like going to the same bar night after night hoping to meet ”the one” or pushing your cart up the same grocery store aisles day after day hopeing that you bump carts with your ideal mate.
I believe you need to be proactive in this journey for love that we all share... rather then just waiting for it to happen.
Again these are only my opinions and observations served up for discussion, debate and even attack...I however am not on the menu
Personaly, I disagree with this attitude...it's a bit like saying you want a really good job and then doing nothing proactive to get it thinking it's just going to magicly appear.
I believe that love is a decision. I think there are steps we need to take not only for ourselves but for our future partner in order to be truely open to the prospect of love.
When we truely love someone...we want the best for them. Are you the best? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Have you dealt with personal issues that have caused problems in past relationships? Are you dealing with financial problems, family issues, previous relationship issues? If so, you may want to take a little "ME" time. Anyone looking for a ”fixer upper” is looking for a bargain to remodel to their specifications...why not do the restoration yourself and offer the whole package?
Are you emotionally available? For years I wasn't...my priorities were my daughter and family, my business and then a relationship...no one wants to be 3rd on the priority list...even if they say they accept and understand it soon creates issues as once again you cancel time together because of problems at work or other priorities get in the way.
Have you left your emotional past behind you...or are you still hanging on to the love you once had? Have you moved on from feeling of anger, bitterness or resentment? Theses are not things you should be offering as part of the package if you truely want the best for your future partner.
And finally...are you making yourself seen? Being on an online dating site is one avenue...but shouldn't be your only avenue. It would be a bit like going to the same bar night after night hoping to meet ”the one” or pushing your cart up the same grocery store aisles day after day hopeing that you bump carts with your ideal mate.
I believe you need to be proactive in this journey for love that we all share... rather then just waiting for it to happen.
Again these are only my opinions and observations served up for discussion, debate and even attack...I however am not on the menu
You take the words right out of my mouth jb and it's a pity I'm into men 'cause you'd be the one if I wasn't
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bodleing: What about those who 'fall in love'?
No one makes a concious decision to fall anywhere.
No one makes a concious decision to fall anywhere.
Hi Gra
I personaly don't believe we fall in love...I believe we grow in love. I'm sure many would disagree with this...somehow I don't think you're one of them...
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strict: if you mean love is a decision of fate may be you are right darlin
Are you saying that your belief is that fate plays a hand in love?
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Hi Jbiz
Love is an emotion... its something you cannot predict... thats what I think some mean ... a romantic notion... haha
But, when you meet someone, you have a choice, to go with your feelings or no. If you decide yes, then you make a concious choice to find out whether that person has similar core values, etc... but its very easy to say no... if you find that somewhere deep inside, a little voice is saying no ..
all in all tho, its all descision making, and do or dont, you have to put some effort into it.
Are you emotionally ready, but also applies to whoever you meet... you get to know this by communicating...
Basically, yep I agree with you...
Cheers girl
Love is an emotion... its something you cannot predict... thats what I think some mean ... a romantic notion... haha
But, when you meet someone, you have a choice, to go with your feelings or no. If you decide yes, then you make a concious choice to find out whether that person has similar core values, etc... but its very easy to say no... if you find that somewhere deep inside, a little voice is saying no ..
all in all tho, its all descision making, and do or dont, you have to put some effort into it.
Are you emotionally ready, but also applies to whoever you meet... you get to know this by communicating...
Basically, yep I agree with you...
Cheers girl
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jbibiza: I often read comments from people who express the view that love will find you. When you least expect it...bam...there it is, no effort or work required.
..................
I believe you need to be proactive in this journey for love that we all share... rather then just waiting for it to happen.
..................
I believe you need to be proactive in this journey for love that we all share... rather then just waiting for it to happen.
I agree with you on all of it really.
I think fortune smiles on those who help themselves.
I even think that "falling in love" is a choice. We decide we are ready to feel particular things, and we pick a likely candidate, (conciously or sub-conciously), and manufacture those feelings to suit ourselves, hence "falling in love"!
We only ever really fall in love with our own idea of love and what we believe it should be for us. If another person plays along, then fine......love match made in Heaven!
Hi JB
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jbibiza: Are you saying that your belief is that fate plays a hand in love?
myself ,i do not belive in fatalism,i just used that word to imply the role of unconcious in that event.you wrote we grow in love,my experience says the same after 14 years being in love,but what is wrong with falling in somwhere and growing there?growth would not proof that being in love is a decision.
as far as i observed,to fal in love is not as common as it is for men,that is -may be-a gender difference of point.
by the way thanks for reminding the word LOVE!
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jbibiza: Hi Gra I personaly don't believe we fall in love...I believe we grow in love. I'm sure many would disagree with this...somehow I don't think you're one of them...
Of couse J, you know me well.
Examine the psyche and you will find the process of falling
in love as we call it, is more commonly a temporary form
of neurosis and unrealistic projection.
But I do agree with you. The best way we can serve our lover,
is to serve ourselves well.
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jbibiza: I often read comments from people who express the view that love will find you. When you least expect it...bam...there it is, no effort or work required.
Personaly, I disagree with this attitude...it's a bit like saying you want a really good job and then doing nothing proactive to get it thinking it's just going to magicly appear.
I believe that love is a decision. I think there are steps we need to take not only for ourselves but for our future partner in order to be truely open to the prospect of love.
When we truely love someone...we want the best for them. Are you the best? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Have you dealt with personal issues that have caused problems in past relationships? Are you dealing with financial problems, family issues, previous relationship issues? If so, you may want to take a little "ME" time. Anyone looking for a ”fixer upper” is looking for a bargain to remodel to their specifications...why not do the restoration yourself and offer the whole package?
Are you emotionally available? For years I wasn't...my priorities were my daughter and family, my business and then a relationship...no one wants to be 3rd on the priority list...even if they say they accept and understand it soon creates issues as once again you cancel time together because of problems at work or other priorities get in the way.
Have you left your emotional past behind you...or are you still hanging on to the love you once had? Have you moved on from feeling of anger, bitterness or resentment? Theses are not things you should be offering as part of the package if you truely want the best for your future partner.
And finally...are you making yourself seen? Being on an online dating site is one avenue...but shouldn't be your only avenue. It would be a bit like going to the same bar night after night hoping to meet ”the one” or pushing your cart up the same grocery store aisles day after day hopeing that you bump carts with your ideal mate.
I believe you need to be proactive in this journey for love that we all share... rather then just waiting for it to happen.
Again these are only my opinions and observations served up for discussion, debate and even attack...I however am not on the menu
Personaly, I disagree with this attitude...it's a bit like saying you want a really good job and then doing nothing proactive to get it thinking it's just going to magicly appear.
I believe that love is a decision. I think there are steps we need to take not only for ourselves but for our future partner in order to be truely open to the prospect of love.
When we truely love someone...we want the best for them. Are you the best? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Have you dealt with personal issues that have caused problems in past relationships? Are you dealing with financial problems, family issues, previous relationship issues? If so, you may want to take a little "ME" time. Anyone looking for a ”fixer upper” is looking for a bargain to remodel to their specifications...why not do the restoration yourself and offer the whole package?
Are you emotionally available? For years I wasn't...my priorities were my daughter and family, my business and then a relationship...no one wants to be 3rd on the priority list...even if they say they accept and understand it soon creates issues as once again you cancel time together because of problems at work or other priorities get in the way.
Have you left your emotional past behind you...or are you still hanging on to the love you once had? Have you moved on from feeling of anger, bitterness or resentment? Theses are not things you should be offering as part of the package if you truely want the best for your future partner.
And finally...are you making yourself seen? Being on an online dating site is one avenue...but shouldn't be your only avenue. It would be a bit like going to the same bar night after night hoping to meet ”the one” or pushing your cart up the same grocery store aisles day after day hopeing that you bump carts with your ideal mate.
I believe you need to be proactive in this journey for love that we all share... rather then just waiting for it to happen.
Again these are only my opinions and observations served up for discussion, debate and even attack...I however am not on the menu
I honestly don't know. Philosophers will tell you that love is not an emotion but a choice as you say. It's a committment and a responsibility.
Romantics will tell you about being, "In love," like it's some sort of drug and an emotional high. In my experience there's a roller coaster ride that goes along with that which is downright unhealthy in my case.
So, I've tried both and I'm none the wiser but people who are in long term relationships or marriages tell me that the emotional high doesn't last forever and after it's gone there is a stronger bond which holds them together through thick and thin, through good times and bad times and as they say in the wedding ceremony, in sickness and in health. I envy them but I don't suppose we'll find too many of them on a dating site.
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mariespoodles: You take the words right out of my mouth jb and it's a pity I'm into men 'cause you'd be the one if I wasn't
I posted a thread a while back about becoming a lesbian...I pull the hottest women 
But can't seem to get over my infatuation with men.
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Merriweather: Hi Jbiz
Love is an emotion... its something you cannot predict... thats what I think some mean ... a romantic notion... haha
But, when you meet someone, you have a choice, to go with your feelings or no. If you decide yes, then you make a concious choice to find out whether that person has similar core values, etc... but its very easy to say no... if you find that somewhere deep inside, a little voice is saying no ..
all in all tho, its all descision making, and do or dont, you have to put some effort into it.
Are you emotionally ready, but also applies to whoever you meet... you get to know this by communicating...
Basically, yep I agree with you...
Cheers girl
Love is an emotion... its something you cannot predict... thats what I think some mean ... a romantic notion... haha
But, when you meet someone, you have a choice, to go with your feelings or no. If you decide yes, then you make a concious choice to find out whether that person has similar core values, etc... but its very easy to say no... if you find that somewhere deep inside, a little voice is saying no ..
all in all tho, its all descision making, and do or dont, you have to put some effort into it.
Are you emotionally ready, but also applies to whoever you meet... you get to know this by communicating...
Basically, yep I agree with you...
Cheers girl
Do you think that a person who hasn't decided to love can still be subject to the romantic idea of falling in love...?
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GingerBe: I agree with you on all of it really.
I think fortune smiles on those who help themselves.
I even think that "falling in love" is a choice. We decide we are ready to feel particular things, and we pick a likely candidate, (conciously or sub-conciously), and manufacture those feelings to suit ourselves, hence "falling in love"!
We only ever really fall in love with our own idea of love and what we believe it should be for us. If another person plays along, then fine......love match made in Heaven!
Hi JB
I think fortune smiles on those who help themselves.
I even think that "falling in love" is a choice. We decide we are ready to feel particular things, and we pick a likely candidate, (conciously or sub-conciously), and manufacture those feelings to suit ourselves, hence "falling in love"!
We only ever really fall in love with our own idea of love and what we believe it should be for us. If another person plays along, then fine......love match made in Heaven!
Hi JB
Do you think that a relatioship based on a persons " idea of love" has the potential to be a long lasting relationship?
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Its a tricky business this love stuff isnt it
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strict: myself ,i do not belive in fatalism,i just used that word to imply the role of unconcious in that event.
you wrote we grow in love,my experience says the same after 14 years being in love,but what is wrong with falling in somwhere and growing there?growth would not proof that being in love is a decision.
as far as i observed,to fal in love is not as common as it is for men,that is -may be-a gender difference of point.
by the way thanks for reminding the word LOVE!
you wrote we grow in love,my experience says the same after 14 years being in love,but what is wrong with falling in somwhere and growing there?growth would not proof that being in love is a decision.
as far as i observed,to fal in love is not as common as it is for men,that is -may be-a gender difference of point.
by the way thanks for reminding the word LOVE!
I agree with you but have one question...Is it possible to do the falling if you haven't made the decision to find love?
------ This thread is Archived ------
jbibiza: I often read comments from people who express the view that love will find you. When you least expect it...bam...there it is, no effort or work required.
Personaly, I disagree with this attitude...it's a bit like saying you want a really good job and then doing nothing proactive to get it thinking it's just going to magicly appear.
I believe that love is a decision. I think there are steps we need to take not only for ourselves but for our future partner in order to be truely open to the prospect of love.
When we truely love someone...we want the best for them. Are you the best? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Have you dealt with personal issues that have caused problems in past relationships? Are you dealing with financial problems, family issues, previous relationship issues? If so, you may want to take a little "ME" time. Anyone looking for a ”fixer upper” is looking for a bargain to remodel to their specifications...why not do the restoration yourself and offer the whole package?
Are you emotionally available? For years I wasn't...my priorities were my daughter and family, my business and then a relationship...no one wants to be 3rd on the priority list...even if they say they accept and understand it soon creates issues as once again you cancel time together because of problems at work or other priorities get in the way.
Have you left your emotional past behind you...or are you still hanging on to the love you once had? Have you moved on from feeling of anger, bitterness or resentment? Theses are not things you should be offering as part of the package if you truely want the best for your future partner.
And finally...are you making yourself seen? Being on an online dating site is one avenue...but shouldn't be your only avenue. It would be a bit like going to the same bar night after night hoping to meet ”the one” or pushing your cart up the same grocery store aisles day after day hopeing that you bump carts with your ideal mate.
I believe you need to be proactive in this journey for love that we all share... rather then just waiting for it to happen.
Again these are only my opinions and observations served up for discussion, debate and even attack...I however am not on the menu
Personaly, I disagree with this attitude...it's a bit like saying you want a really good job and then doing nothing proactive to get it thinking it's just going to magicly appear.
I believe that love is a decision. I think there are steps we need to take not only for ourselves but for our future partner in order to be truely open to the prospect of love.
When we truely love someone...we want the best for them. Are you the best? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Have you dealt with personal issues that have caused problems in past relationships? Are you dealing with financial problems, family issues, previous relationship issues? If so, you may want to take a little "ME" time. Anyone looking for a ”fixer upper” is looking for a bargain to remodel to their specifications...why not do the restoration yourself and offer the whole package?
Are you emotionally available? For years I wasn't...my priorities were my daughter and family, my business and then a relationship...no one wants to be 3rd on the priority list...even if they say they accept and understand it soon creates issues as once again you cancel time together because of problems at work or other priorities get in the way.
Have you left your emotional past behind you...or are you still hanging on to the love you once had? Have you moved on from feeling of anger, bitterness or resentment? Theses are not things you should be offering as part of the package if you truely want the best for your future partner.
And finally...are you making yourself seen? Being on an online dating site is one avenue...but shouldn't be your only avenue. It would be a bit like going to the same bar night after night hoping to meet ”the one” or pushing your cart up the same grocery store aisles day after day hopeing that you bump carts with your ideal mate.
I believe you need to be proactive in this journey for love that we all share... rather then just waiting for it to happen.
Again these are only my opinions and observations served up for discussion, debate and even attack...I however am not on the menu
Very Good Post JBThere are so many people wanting to have relationships, they want the best from the other person but haven't took the time to deal with their own issues.What that does is add yet another person into your turmoil that don't belong there.
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trish123: Its a tricky business this love stuff isnt it
Yes...a cynic could call me cynical about it.
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- One week of the most outrageous GOP leadership!
- biggest lie
- Democrats destroyed America
Personaly, I disagree with this attitude...it's a bit like saying you want a really good job and then doing nothing proactive to get it thinking it's just going to magicly appear.
I believe that love is a decision. I think there are steps we need to take not only for ourselves but for our future partner in order to be truely open to the prospect of love.
When we truely love someone...we want the best for them. Are you the best? Do you look in the mirror and like what you see? Have you dealt with personal issues that have caused problems in past relationships? Are you dealing with financial problems, family issues, previous relationship issues? If so, you may want to take a little "ME" time. Anyone looking for a ”fixer upper” is looking for a bargain to remodel to their specifications...why not do the restoration yourself and offer the whole package?
Are you emotionally available? For years I wasn't...my priorities were my daughter and family, my business and then a relationship...no one wants to be 3rd on the priority list...even if they say they accept and understand it soon creates issues as once again you cancel time together because of problems at work or other priorities get in the way.
Have you left your emotional past behind you...or are you still hanging on to the love you once had? Have you moved on from feeling of anger, bitterness or resentment? Theses are not things you should be offering as part of the package if you truely want the best for your future partner.
And finally...are you making yourself seen? Being on an online dating site is one avenue...but shouldn't be your only avenue. It would be a bit like going to the same bar night after night hoping to meet ”the one” or pushing your cart up the same grocery store aisles day after day hopeing that you bump carts with your ideal mate.
I believe you need to be proactive in this journey for love that we all share... rather then just waiting for it to happen.
Again these are only my opinions and observations served up for discussion, debate and even attack...I however am not on the menu