Skip to main content

For Pat ( Archived) (8)

Apr 1, 2010 6:33 AM CST For Pat
elsson
elssonelssonLondon, Greater London, England UK25 Threads 2,849 Posts
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently.
Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.
Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand
on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. The the two turned once again to gaze out over the lock before the girl spoke again.
"Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well,noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first
three pennies?"
------ This thread is Archived ------
Apr 1, 2010 6:47 AM CST For Pat
cgedvr
cgedvrcgedvrSo. Cal, California USA48 Threads 1 Polls 3,272 Posts
laugh rolling on the floor laughing laugh money grubbers...all of them laugh rolling on the floor laughing laugh penny wise...pound foolish rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
------ This thread is Archived ------
Apr 1, 2010 6:49 AM CST For Pat
elsson
elssonelssonLondon, Greater London, England UK25 Threads 2,849 Posts
Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whisky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"
------ This thread is Archived ------
Apr 1, 2010 7:01 AM CST For Pat
patmac
patmacpatmacglasgow, Strathclyde, Scotland UK1,411 Threads 6 Polls 15,903 Posts
elsson: Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whisky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"
Got 'em both But I'll add a wee cracker ina bit .... Love Jock Jokes...grin cheers
------ This thread is Archived ------
Apr 1, 2010 7:02 AM CST For Pat
cgedvr
cgedvrcgedvrSo. Cal, California USA48 Threads 1 Polls 3,272 Posts
elsson: Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whisky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"
Just a stupid american but not gonna be choosin one or the other....whisky AND whores grin
------ This thread is Archived ------
Apr 1, 2010 7:04 AM CST For Pat
elsson
elssonelssonLondon, Greater London, England UK25 Threads 2,849 Posts
patmac: Got 'em both But I'll add a wee cracker ina bit .... Love Jock Jokes...


A very popular scotsman dies in glasgow and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once so she goes to the newspaper and says
"I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband" The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok" so the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid, deid"
He feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale"
------ This thread is Archived ------
Apr 1, 2010 7:17 AM CST For Pat
elsson
elssonelssonLondon, Greater London, England UK25 Threads 2,849 Posts
A woman is looking to re-enter the work force, now that her kids are all grown up. But before applying anywhere she goes tae the doctors' fae a wee physical before takin' oan a new joab. When she returns her hubby notices she's just bustin' wi' pride and all chuffed.

So he says; "What's all this about?"

She says, "I've just been tae the doctors' and he said I've got the body of a twenty year old, and the heart of a 16 year old".

To which her hubby fires back..."What about your 50 year old a**?"

"Your name never came up." She replies!
------ This thread is Archived ------
Apr 1, 2010 7:19 AM CST For Pat
patmac
patmacpatmacglasgow, Strathclyde, Scotland UK1,411 Threads 6 Polls 15,903 Posts
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently.
Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds.
Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Mary my dear can I have a wee kiss were engaged now and I tink it's time .....
Aye Angus you can.

Can I have a wee feel of your Tits......Please
As we are engaged you can

Oh Mary my dear can I have a wee look aat the bush
Aye ANGUS JUST A LOOK THOUGH....

Mary my dear it's 3 months to the wedding can I just gie it a wee kiss

Aye go on then Angus.....

A slightly muffled voice echoes from below Mary Mary dae ye think this thing will keep for another 3 monthsbarf barf barf grin cheers
------ This thread is Archived ------

This Thread is Archived

This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.

« Go back to All Threads
Message #318
We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience possible on our website. Read Our Privacy Policy Here